


Dress Rehearsal

by Lynn1998



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Trauma, Codependency, Cunnilingus, Eddie Kaspbrak & Beverly Marsh Are Best Friends, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier Being Idiots, Eddie Kaspbrak-centric, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, I have mommy issues lol, M/M, Minor Character Death, Misgendering, Parent Death, Platonic Beverly Marsh/Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier Being a Dumbass, Richie Tozier Has ADHD, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Slow Burn, Soft Richie Tozier, Sonia Kaspbrak Being Terrible, Trans Eddie Kaspbrak, Trans Male Eddie Kaspbrak, Trying to find healthy coping mechanisms, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, cancer tw, ish, ive never lived in a dorm so dont judge me pls, theyre all besties, transphobia TW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:06:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 63,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26636320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn1998/pseuds/Lynn1998
Summary: Sometimes you have to let good things happen to you.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 48
Kudos: 161





	1. In which Eddie meets Richie

**Author's Note:**

> Starting another story,, but I’m determined to finish this one!!…I hope ;-;
> 
> ALSO!!! This is a VENT FIC!!!!!!! Pls understand I have bad mommy and daddy issues and writing is my outlet. Ty <3

While it was common for Eddie to be hungry while doing his homework, it wasn’t very often that he was _this_ hungry. Studying in the middle of the night seemed to always end with a not so quick trip to the vending machine. That not so quick trip wasn’t so quick because it was always crowded with stoners at midnight. Stoners usually consisted of Beverly Marsh and others. She was Eddie’s best friend, so he’d chat with her, and then he’d remember he was trying to study and leave halfway through their conversation without a word. His frazzled brain too exhausted to apologize or offer a follow up text. Luckily Bev was usually so high by that time that she merely waved it off and accepted the next hit passed her way.

Usually when Eddie was _this_ hungry he tried to ignore it for a little bit and drink the rest of his water bottle. That would successfully hold him off for another ten to twenty minutes, but eventually it would sneak up on him again. He’d try to focus on the books in front of him, but the hunger pains and rumbling eventually got to be too much. Like clockwork, he closed his book, sighed, and then made his way down to the vending machine. Beverly was there as she always was, but now she had a tall lanky guy hanging off her shoulders. Lots of guys liked to give Bev attention, but she’d rarely let them be affectionate with her. He assumed the guy must’ve been cozy with her, so he didn’t bother to address her when he walked up and straightened out his bills.

“Whew…did someone order more smokes? Because there is one smoking hottie at the vending machine.”

Eddie looked up with wide eyes to see the man on Beverly’s shoulder smirking at him. Bev was laughing, and the other couple let out a half hearted chuckle. Bright half lidded eyes gazed at him through thick rimmed glasses perched on a large nose. His smirk stretched into a grin, and Eddie could only assume he was blushing. He tried to look away, but he could feel the man’s eyes burning into the side of his head.

“Sorry, Eds. This is Richie. He’s an asshole,” Beverly said. Eddie glanced to her and shrugged.

“I’m just grabbing a snack,” he replied.

“Mmm, Eddie spaghetti, you _are_ the snack,” Richie purred.

“Lay off, Rich. He’s trying to study,” she said patting his shoulder. Eddie could only feel himself getting warmer and warmer the longer he felt Richie looking at him. When he finally met his eyes again his eyes were crinkled with laughter.

“My apologies! I only mean to flatter,” he assured him.

“What makes you think I want to be flattered?” Eddie challenged. Richie’s laughter died down and he bit his lip.

“Because you’re blushing,” he pointed out. That only made him blush harder. “Don’t worry. It’s cute,” he assured him. Eddie rolled his eyes and reached down to grab his chips.

“I’ll see you later, Bev,” he murmured before turning and walking back to his dorm.

The next time Eddie saw Richie he was snoring in the middle of the classroom he was visiting. He was dropping off the notebook he borrowed from Stan, and hurried to leave the room before he could wake up. At first he wasn’t certain, but once he approached Stanley’s desk and noticed the glasses sliding off his nose he had no doubt it was Richie. After that he noticed him in one of Bill’s class, and he had a pretty permanent spot around Bev’s shoulders during the snack break in their weekly smoke sesh. It was becoming a little infuriating that suddenly all his friends were hanging out with this guy, and all he knew about him was that he had terrible pick up lines.

“He’s not too bad once you actually talk to him. It’s just his sense of humor, y’know?” Beverly said as she walked along the branches of the fallen tree they frequented. They ate lunch together in the wooded area next to the campus. It was entirely man made and intentional, but Eddie still liked how peaceful and quiet it was. He wrinkled his nose as he chewed his sandwich.

“That just sounds like a bad excuse to be an asshole,” he replied. Bev shrugged and then plopped down to sit next to him. He offered her a bite and she accepted.

“He is an asshole, for sure, but like he’ll apologize if he goes too far. He’s aware that some things are off limits, he just likes to explore them,” she defended.

“Are you into him?” Eddie asked hoping he didn’t sound interested himself. She shrugged again and leaned back.

“We made out a couple times, but I think we’re both coming to the conclusion that we’re better off friends. That and he’s only a little bit into girls. Half the time we’re just talking about guys,” she said.

“Geez. I hope he isn’t serious whenever he’s hitting on me,” he grumbled into his next bite. Beverley laughed at that.

“Eds, you gotta understand that you don’t have to date everyone you find attractive. It’s okay to like someone and not get into it. Although you’ve definitely caught his eye,” she told him. Eddie sighed.

“Cool. I don’t find him attractive though,” he deflected.

“Is that why you asked about him?” She pointed out. Eddie blushed and shook his head.

“No…I asked because he’s annoying and he came out of no where,” he insisted.

“He came from Phoenix. He was online until he decided to move on campus,” she explained.

“Cool. I don’t care about him,” he huffed. Beverly smiled.

“Okay, Eds.”

Finals came and went fairly quickly. All the studying Eddie had done paid off, and he finally settled into his bed without his textbooks for the first time in weeks. Winter break was starting in a couple days, and he was happy to forget about everything for the next few weeks. He stopped going home for Christmas the year his mother insisted that she would never call him by his real name or use his actual pronouns. That was freshman year, and he hasn’t regretted it since. His mother was a force to be reckoned with, but she always underestimated how stubborn Eddie could be when he wanted to. That year ended with Eddie staying at Bill’s place instead for the remaining three days, and a nine one one call that ended up with his mother being escorted back home. Without Eddie. 

Three days into the break was usually when his mother started calling. It was half a week away from Christmas, and she would always try to talk to him and convince him to come home. He’d ignore the first one, decline the second one, and answer the third to hear his mother sob and cough into the phone. The only thing he would tell her was that he was staying on campus, and that nothing she said would convince him to come home. She’d use his deadname and beg for him to snap out of it. She’d tell him to come home already and be a normal girl. He’d tell her it was too late.

“Do my eyes deceive me? Or have I spotted a wild Eddie in the lounge,” hummed a familiar voice. Eddie quickly wiped his eyes and sniffled before looking up at Richie with puffy eyes. “Oh…shit, are you okay?” He asked dropping the act. Eddie rolled his eyes and sniffled again.

“Just chipper. Cant you tell?” He croaked and pulled his blanket to his chin.

“My apologies, Eddie-kins. I had no idea you were in such a delicate mood,” Richie said before strolling around the couch to sit next to him.

“What are you doing here? Only like five people stay on campus for break,” Eddie grumbled. Richie shrugged.

“Had to be my own man this holiday, y’know? Too much time with the parentals is no good for my social skills,” he replied.

“I don’t think it’s your parents that make you socially unskilled,” Eddie murmured. Richie chuckled and they fell into an awkward pause.

“Uh…any reason for the waterworks?” He asked. Eddie looked away and sighed.

“No, just…that time of year. Hard to move on…hard to make other people move on,” he said vaguely. He could see Richie nodding from the corner of his eye, and that tempted him to look back.

“Yeah…all that moving on stuff. Just pack it up already, right? Moving truck has been waiting for the past twenty minutes, geez!” He joked. Eddie mustered a little smile but shook his head.

“You’re not as funny as you think you are,” he said. Richie smiled back.

“But you think I’m a little bit funny, right?” He asked. Eddie could feel his face heating up as he noticed how blue his eyes were. They weren’t bright, but they weren’t pale either. They were almost a hazel blue, and those hazel blue eyes stared at him. He covered his warm cheeks with his blanket and shook his head.

“I think you’re annoying,” he confessed. Richie hissed and clutched his heart.

“Oof! Right where it hurts. Please aim for my dick next time, sweetheart, it’s much less sensitive than my self esteem,” he replied. Eddie found himself smiling wider.

“I’d miss it from how small it is,” he said. Richie laughed and Eddie felt his heart flutter. Oh god, he hated it when Beverly was right about something he wasn’t.

“Eds gets off a good one,” he hummed. Eddie noticed him leaning closer and leaned away.

“And you’ve yet to land a decent one,” he said. Richie’s grin lingered as he bit his lip.

“You’re not crying anymore though,” he pointed out. Eddie was positive he was blushing now.

“Where’s Bev? Can’t you bother her instead?” He huffed.

“I just dropped her off at the airport. Alas, Ms. Marsh is away for winter. She will be dearly missed,” Richie told him. Eddie shook his head.

“I can’t believe she left me here with you,” he said. Richie chuckled and moved closer again. Eddie let him this time, and even shifted a little himself.

“Well…I think my shoulders are a lot nicer to cry on in my opinion…much sturdier and all that stuff,” he said. Eddie looked at him and uncovered his face.

“Bev’s shoulders are softer though…and she’s much more empathetic to me,” he replied. Richie pursed his lips in thought before catching a stray tear next to Eddie’s jaw.

“Maybe…but I have cookie dough in my dorm, and she’s on a plane right now…so…” he shrugged and Eddie could only try not to smile.

“What flavor?”

“Well I wanted chocolate chip, but Bev told me to use peanut butter M&Ms, so it’s peanut butter M&Ms and chocolate chips,” he replied.

“When did you make it?”

“Just before Beverly left.”

“Is it refrigerated?”

“In my mini fridge as we speak.”

“Does it have raw eggs in it?” Eddie questioned with a raised brow. Richie raised a brow as well.

“Are you the reason she said to skip the eggs?” He replied. Eddie looked away and sighed. Bev knew his mother would call. He should send her a thank you text.

“Fine. I guess there’s no reason for me to say no…”

The next couple weeks weren’t as lonely as Eddie thought they were going to be. He spent a considerable amount of time just in his dorm room, but every now and then he’d go into the lounge or the cafeteria for more fully formed meals instead of the microwave stuff he had. Every now and then he’d run into Richie, and they fell into a pattern of talking, laughing, and then eating a meal together. He hated to admit that he was starting to warm up to Richie, and he could easily tell why the rest of his friends were so taken by him. Yes, he was loud and obnoxious and annoying, but he was also kind and funny when he wanted to be. It was stupid humor, but Eddie hadn’t laughed at anything as hard as he did when Richie shoved carrots up his nose since elementary school. It was refreshing, and he only hoped the added flutter in his chest was from his loneliness and not any actual feelings towards Richie. He couldn’t handle another heartbreak. His heart was still so weak after turning his mother away.

Sometimes Eddie cried at night. It was hard being so alone all the time. His whole life his mother was there to hold his hand. Sure, she was the definition of over protective and overbearing, but once that was gone Eddie realized he didn’t really know what love felt like. He loved his friends, but he didn’t exactly feel the same kind of love back all the time. Maybe it was because he didn’t understand their way of showing it, or maybe his mother had left something so deep no amount of friendship could fill it. He knew he wanted a partner. Someone who loved him no matter what. Someone who made him a better person, and cared for him when he felt like a terrible one. A type of companionship that was deeper than friendship, more serious than romance, and more meaningful than family. In the end he just wanted and wanted and wanted with no one there to give. Was that selfish? He couldn’t decide. All he could do was sigh and try to cry himself to sleep as he wallowed in his self pity.

One morning he woke up to a voicemail that left him trembling. His mother was yelling at him, cursing him out, and making him feel guilty. She screamed about how lonely she was and how she would die without him. How she needed him to come home instantly and just accept himself for who he really is. Come home and be her little girl again. It made him sick, and he had to rush to his trash can to throw up nothing but stomach acid and the fruit he had before bed. He took a moment to cry and take deep breaths before taking the solid can to the restroom. His sniffles echoed the men’s washroom. He only felt comfortable in there at night and during break. Any other time he went to the gender neutral bathrooms or snuck in with Bev to the women’s. He was almost finished scrubbing down the inside with hand soap when he heard footsteps and whistling. His heart clenched and he panicked with slippery plastic in his hands. Just as it clattered to the ground Richie walked in with his shower bag and towel. They blinked at each other, and Eddie looked away out of embarrassment before picking up the trash can and resuming his scrubbing.

“You know the RA is here…she can get you some cleaning supplies,” Richie told him. Eddie shook his head and sniffled some more.

“‘M okay,” he said as loudly as his voice could muster without cracking.

“Okay…uh…is there anything I can do?” Richie offered. Eddie kept his eyes on the can, but could hear Richie’s voice was closer than before. He shook his head.

“‘T’s okay,” he sighed. 

That was when Richie turned off the faucet and gently pulled the cab from Eddie’s hands. He set it in the sink next to them and Eddie was obsessively trying to wipe the suds from his hands. Anything to pull his attention away from the other man blatantly staring at him. He was stopped again when Richie took his damp hands, and then let out a shaky breath as large thumbs rubbed against the backs of his palms. All it took was one gentle tug and Eddie let Richie wrap his arms around him and hold him close. Bev was usually the only one who hugged Eddie, and he was hit by how much he missed being held. He missed affection. He missed little kisses on the cheek, and strong hugs, the gentle pressure of someone’s forehead against his own. He usually got all of that from his friends, but he’s been in his own head too much. That and it was easy to miss when they were all on break.

“I got ya, Eds,” Richie whispered. Eddie was shaking still as he returned the hug and tried his best to muffle his sons against his sleep shirt.

“Mm…’m sorry…” Eddie whimpered. Richie shook his head and pressed his lips to the top of his head. It wasn’t a kiss, but the pressure felt nice.

“Nothing to be sorry about, spaghetti,” he assured him. Eddie shook his head.

“I’m s-sobbing, asshole. D-don’t fucking c-call me that,” he cursed. Richie chuckled and held him tighter.

“Well, the last time you were crying and I walked in on you we ended up laughing. I’m just tryna ease the pain, sweetheart,” Richie replied. Eddie managed a little smile and sighed as he curled his fingers into the back of Richie’s shirt.

“Usually…usually Bev is the only one who has to deal with me like this. I-I thought I’d be okay this year so I told her to go home and see her aunt,” he murmured. Richie nodded and rubbed his shoulder.

“You’re not something to deal with, Eds. It’s the holiday season. It’s not easy for everyone,” Richie said. Eddie sniffled some more before pulling back.

“Thanks. I…I really needed that,” he said before reaching for his can again to rinse again. Richie nodded and smiled.

“Anytime, Eddie-kins.”

“Shut up and take your shower.”


	2. In which Eddie joins the play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of dysphoria, deadnaming, mentions of cancer

It went without saying that Eddie was happy when his friends all came back. They came back the week before classes started again, and Eddie made sure every day of that week was filled with hugs and quality time together. He was happy to see Stan and Bill again because he grew up with them, but he was happiest to see Bev again because she was basically his rock at this point. He was happy to see his good friend Mike again, and felt a strong connection to him since he was one of the first people he befriended on his own after cutting off his mother. Bev probably predicted that the break was rough for Eddie, and he appreciated the extra hugs and cheek kisses she gave him when she ran into his dorm room. Stanley arrived after that, then Bill, and eventually Mike found his way to Eddie’s dorm to say hi. Everyone else was piled on the bed, and it took a little convincing for him to join them. Then Richie hopped in, and Eddie couldn’t help but feel like he felt a little more whole than he did a few weeks ago.

First two weeks of the next semester was hard. Eddie fell back into his late nights study habits, and he eventually convinced Stan to stay up late with him. They would sometimes crash in the lounge and nearly be late to class the next day, and other times they’d call it quits early and just head to bed. Eddie found it easier to moderate his studying if he had a friend to think about as well. Maybe if Stan wasn’t so hyper focused when they studied they wouldn’t accidentally overwork themselves once a week. By the third week they decided to set an alarm instead of relying on their own biological clocks, and Eddie found it much more manageable that way.

At the same time Eddie and Stan were figuring out how to study together, Bill decided to join in on Bev and Richie’s usual smoke sessions. He somehow managed to become the director for the winter show that semester, so he was smoking in hopes to help relieve stress. Usually it just made him high off his ass and sleep through his morning class, but Richie and Bev were doing their best to help him understand tolerance in relation to weed.

“You see, Bill, when I take five hits it’s like a light nap. When _you_ take five hits it’s like watching a toddler snorting a Vicodin,” Richie said.

“But I felt fine! I slept great!” Bill replied defensively.

“You keep sleeping through our morning class, asshole. I can only let you copy my notes so many times before I start charging you for my tuition too,” Stan deadpanned.

“I won’t smoke as late then,” he said stubbornly.

“Bill, you need to pace yourself. Start with one hit tonight and if you need more take it one at a time,” Bev encouraged. Bill sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Fine…ugh, I’m just so stressed out. I need fucking dancers to audition for the play, but the only ones I know of major in dance and don’t have time,” he vented.

“Eddie, didn’t you take ballet until high school?” Stan asked. Eddie blushed and tried to avoid Richie’s wide and obvious eyes.

“Yes. What does that have to do with anything?” He asked.

“Eddie spaghetti, are you saying you’re a prima ballerina?” Richie asked in awe. Eddie bit his lip and glared at him from across the table.

“I only went because my mother forced me to. It was that or sewing class,” he replied.

“Eds, it would save me a lot of sweat if you auditioned. You’ll just be a background character, okay? No fancy lines and no crazy moves. Just real basic stuff,” Bill begged. Eddie sighed.

“Bill, please. You know I hate saying no to you guys,” he whined.

“Pretty please, Eds. I’ll owe you! Anything you want. Any favor! I’ll buy you lunch. I’ll do your homework. Anything,” Bill continued. Eddie groaned in defeat.

“Fine! I’ll audition. I don’t know how good I’ll be, okay? I haven’t danced in a long time,” he said.

“Thank you so much, Eds. I love you so much,” Bill cried and reached to kiss his knuckles. Eddie blushed and smiled a little at the affection. It was nice to have that physical reassurance that he was loved.

“Maybe I should audition too. I was once the star in my sixth grade production of Romeo and Juliet,” Richie bragged.

“Some Romeo you are,” Eddie scoffed.

“Oh, no I was Tybalt,” Richie replied.

“I thought you said you stared in it,” Stan pointed out.

“Tybalt is a pretty important character,” Bill said.

“I’m so sorry, Richie, but the only thing I remember about Tybalt is him getting vibe checked by Romeo,” Bev said struggling not to laugh. Richie laughed with her and they let the conversation move onto the next topic.

When Richie suggested that he should audition, Eddie didn’t think he was being serious. He also didn’t think that he was going to get a part even though Bill essentially told him he would. Then Richie also got a part, but he had a role with a name as well as a role in the ensemble. Eddie chalked it up to his inability to speak at a volume below shouting and his stupid charming smile that made anyone looking at it believe that he was the most capable person of melting your heart. Usually he was, but Eddie was trying to keep that to himself after how close they got over the break.

Even though Eddie has done countless recitals, he had terrible stage fright. Dancing was one thing, but speaking? Singing? Talking? Acting? He could barely make a presentation for his classes in high school. If he didn’t have a partner to do most of the speaking then he would accept the points down for low projection and poor presentation. He’d never get below a B because his research was impeccable, but he couldn’t muster anything higher than a whisper. Usually that only affected him in the classroom, and it was much less stressful in college since they didn’t do many presentations. Now that he was on stage…it was starting to actually be a problem.

The first few rehearsals were fine. He was always mentioned in the notes, but he didn’t think it was too important. When he wasn’t working with the ensemble he was working on his homework, and when Richie wasn’t working on his part he was trying to annoy Eddie. It was definitely annoying, but he was starting to get used to the attention…maybe even beginning to like it. He was so confident on stage and he spoke so loud. His delivery of his lines were funny and boastful, and it fit his character perfectly. Bill probably did that on purpose, but Eddie couldn’t help but be a little in awe watching Richie perform his lines so effortlessly without a shiver or shake in his voice. His lips so sharp and precise with every word, and his mouth becoming the center of Eddie’s attention more and more every day. Normally he wasn’t so taken by someone’s features, but he couldn’t deny it anymore. Richie was probably the most attractive person Eddie had ever seen.

“Cut! Hey, Eddie! That was your line,” Bill called from the house. Eddie blinked as he tried to think through the scene and nodded.

“Sorry…”

“Let’s do it one more time, okay?” He asked. 

Everyone nodded, but Eddie couldn’t help but feel like they were all annoyed with him for constantly missing his lines. They went through the scene again, and Eddie couldn’t stop glancing at Richie siting in the front row. He wasn’t in this scene, and he always liked to watch whenever he could. It wasn’t helping his concentrating, but he managed to say his line this time. Unfortunately they called a cut again, and Eddie felt himself deflate.

“Hey, Richie? Can you talk to Eddie about projecting? I can barely hear him,” the stage manager said while Bill jotted down some notes.

“Yessir!” Richie said as he hopped up and out of his seat. He immediately climbed up into the stage and jogged up to Eddie with a grin. It faded a little when he noticed Eddie’s frown and gently rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, you okay?” Eddie huffed.

“I don’t even know why they gave me lines in the first place. I thought Bill just needed a dancer. I’ve only learned two sets of choreography,” he grumbled.

“You’re doing great, spaghetti. Don’t let the director and the stage manager get you down. They’re just being picky,” Richie assured him. Eddie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Just tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

“Well, it’s not that you’re doing something wrong, it’s more like you just need to put it out there. From what I can hear the lines sound great, they sound natural, but they kinda want you to exaggerate and really push it out so the audience can hear. Like, when I’m on stage you probably don’t notice it, but I talk at least five times louder than I normally do—“

“Wow, I didn’t think that was possible,” Eddie jabbed. He was annoyed, but Richie only laughed at it before stepping closer. Eddie felt his throat get tight as Richie was suddenly within two feet of him. He then gently rubbed the top of Eddie’s chest and reached around to hold the back of his ribs.

“Think of these areas when you’re talking. Someone told me that when I was Tybalt and I just never stopped using it. Your chest and your diaphragm will help you get those words out,” Richie explained. He was so close and his fingers felt so good. The air between them was warm, and Eddie only wanted to collapse into Richie’s arms and let him carry them home so he could sleep. Between his usual studying and the rehearsals, he was completely wiped out by the end of the day.

“Oh…okay,” Eddie murmured. Richie smiled and moved to rub his shoulders instead. Lighter this time and in a way that made Eddie miss the coziness from before.

“You got this, Eds. You’re the one and only Eddie spaghetti!”

“Stop touching me before I smack you,” Eddie threatened. Richie laughed and did as was requested.

They ran it again, and Bill didn’t cut this time when Eddie said his lines. After that they could finally go back to their dorms and Eddie sighed with relief. Once everyone was packed up he was instantly greeted with Richie by his side, and he found himself happy instead of annoyed. He only tolerated his bad jokes because he was too exhausted to curse him out and Richie merely smiled and pointed out how sleepy he looked. Eddie hummed in agreement and then looked up to see Bill watching them from the house. He blushed and started walking back to his dorm without warning. Richie went scrambling after him.

There was about a month left of rehearsals until the production when Eddie felt the desire to quit. He was so used to burning himself out just enough for the end of semester, but theater was something he simply wasn’t prepared for. He was always extra early to rehearsals so he could work on homework, but he still had so much to do whenever they ended for the day. On weekends it was worse and they spent over five hours completing the show. By the time they had their first dress rehearsal, Eddie felt like his feet were about to fall off. He only had time to sleep, sometimes eat, go to class, and go to rehearsal. He missed Bev. He missed napping. Most of all he missed not being surrounded by tons of people.

“Psst, Eds,” Richie whispered. They were at a pause to fix the lights, and it was the only point in the show where he and Richie were next to each other.

“Shut up,” Eddie whispered back.

“We should ditch tomorrow,” he proposed. Eddie frowned hearing that.

“It’s an all day rehearsal! Bill will know we’re on campus,” Eddie hissed.

“Then let’s be _not_ on campus,” he suggested.

“Where the hell would we go all day?”

“A lot of places. We could go bowling, to the movies, scout the mall, eat out at some mediocre restaurant, the library, a bookstore. It’s LA, Eds, there’s tons of places to go within walking distance,” Richie went on. Eddie sighed.

“Bill says I need to work on my projection still…”

“Yeah and he’ll probably work with you for a grand total of five minutes. We can work on that together, but I don’t feel like being here for six hours tomorrow,” he said. Eddie thought for a moment and sighed.

“Fine, but only if Bevvy comes too,” he grumbled. Richie smiled.

“Perfect.”

The next morning Eddie let himself sleep in since they were skipping. When he woke up he was greeted by a couple texts from Bill asking where he was and if he was okay. He texted back saying he was sick and could barely move, and with how hard Bill knows he works he believed him. Then he grabbed his shower caddy and headed to the bathroom. It felt good to shower at a normal time instead of five in the morning for rehearsals. The warm water streaming down his aching muscles as he scrubbed his hair and hummed with satisfaction. Showering became ten times easier after he got top surgery. Before he would only sneak in at midnight and seclude himself in the tightest corner he could. He brought extra clothes so he could change in the stall, and they would always end up a little bit wet so he would have to change them again anyways. Although he liked to keep himself sparse in the men’s room, the only thing he was kind of worried about now were his scars. A couple of guys had seen his bare chest in the showers when he miscalculated his timing, and they never said a thing. Even when they were newer and not very pretty. Now they were faded and as flat as the doctor said they would be.

Walking back into his dorm he found his phone going off. He sighed and ignored it when he saw Richie’s name across the screen. He dried himself off more and dressed himself before calling him back and leaving to meet him in the lounge. It was almost ten by then, and Bev was with him as promised. He smiled at his two favorite people, and then realized that somehow in the short amount of time he’s known Richie that he somehow manage to wiggle his way under the category of “favorite”. They left to eat breakfast first, and they climbed into Richie’s pick up to get to the diner. Bev sat in the back with Eddie, and they happily leaned on each other the whole ride while Richie complained about being lonely. They told him to stop crying, but once they got to the diner Eddie didn’t protest when Richie slid into the space next to him in their booth. Beverly did, but Eddie merely let Richie sling his arm around his shoulders and argue that Bev knew Eddie longer and had her chance to get cozy in a booth with him. Eddie only giggled, and then blushed when Richie gushed over how cute it sounded.

After they ate they went to the mall. It was nearly noon by then, and there was a theater inside. They bought tickets for a twelve thirty, and then walked around to look at the stores. Richie bought the dumbest belt Eddie had ever seen, and Beverly bought a cute pair of earrings. Eddie looked through for some new pants, but decided to wait to try them on without Richie there. He was out and he didn’t care who knew he was trans, but he couldn’t remember if Richie knew and felt self conscious about it. They were running out of time anyways and headed back to the theater instead. It always took Eddie extra time when he tried on clothes because trying them allowed time for his dysphoria to make him double guess himself.

“Do you think there will be sex scenes?” Richie asked. Eddie glared up at him from the other seat. He situated himself between Richie and Beverly, and Bev gave him a little cheeky smile when she noticed. He tried to ignore it, and was thankful that Richie was such a dumbass to distract himself.

“Richie, this is a fucking zombie movie,” he replied. Thankfully they were the only three in the theater. They bought tickets for the worst sounding movie, and it really couldn’t hold a crowd.

“Yeah, and I’m just wondering if it’s a _fucking_ zombie movie. Yeah?” He teased while playfully rolling his hips up in his seat. It looked ridiculous, but Eddie was still embarrassed by the movement. Mostly because he couldn’t stop thinking about how he would fit perfectly on top of those hips.

“I hope not. Why the fuck would I want to see a sex scene in the middle of a bunch of blood and guts? All that rotting and diseased skin, ugh it’s disgusting,” Eddie went on.

“Damn, baby, I didn’t know you talked dirty so well,” Richie teased. Eddie crossed his arms and shook his head, and was thankful that the trailers finally ended and the movie started. 

Thankfully, there weren’t any sex scenes in the movie. It was actually pretty decently scary, and Eddie found himself huddled against Richie’s arm from time to time. He’d always pull away red faced, but eventually Richie merely held him close when he tried to put anymore space between them. His heart raced as Richie let him, and encouraged him, to cling to his arm, but quickly became okay with it too as more jump scares made him cling even tighter. By the end of it Eddie was watching the movie with one eye and only let go when Richie moved his arm. They walked out of the theater together when Eddie checked his phone and felt his heart sink when he read his latest text.

Mom: _call me now._

“Sorry guys, I gotta make a phone call,” he murmured as he headed out of the theater and out of the mall. He didn’t wait to hear from them as he dialed his mothers number and waited for her to pick up. “Hello—“

“Elizabeth Kaspbrak. What the hell do you think you’re doing?” His mother spoke, her tongue as sharp as always. Eddie sighed.

“Mom, I told you I don’t want to talk to you if you’re going to call me that.”

“And I told you I’m not going to be guilted into calling you anything besides the name I gave you! I am your mother, young lady, you ought to respect me!”

“Why did you want me to call?” Eddie asked coldly.

“Is that all? You’re just going to cut right to the chase? Do you not care for me anymore?”

“I’ll always care, mom. I can’t change that,” he murmured.

“Well, you won’t have to pretend for much longer. I just got back from the doctors today, and I have cancer,” she announced. Eddie felt his heart jolt.

“What kind?” He asked.

“Now you care, huh? It’s heart cancer,” she said. Eddie wanted to crumble right then and there.

“Mom, how the hell do you have one of the rarest forms of cancer? I thought you were taking care of yourself,” Eddie said. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck and felt a burning pit in his stomach.

“I was. I guess the stress was getting to me. It’s not easy when your child abandons you,” she said.

“Mom, I haven’t been home since freshman year. Have you been having strokes since then?” He asked.

“Just last month. That’s why I got the MRI last week,” she reported.

“And you didn’t think to tell me! Mom, I said I needed space. I didn’t say I need you to completely keep me out of the loop! Why would you keep this from me for a whole _month!_ “ he lashed out in a panic, and felt tears running down his face.

“Well, if you don’t want me in your life I only assumed you wouldn’t want to be in mine,” she hummed.

“All I fucking asked was for you to see me for who I am…I _want_ to be in each other’s life, but I can’t when you constantly misgender me and deny me!” Eddie cried. Thankfully no one was around and he could freely let the tears fall.

“That just sounds like an excuse. You’re Elizabeth. There was no mistake. There’s no gender mix up. You are Lizzie. You’re my little girl,” his mother insisted. 

Eddie could barely speak, and instantly hung up the phone so he could freely sob. He leaned against the wall and slowly sunk down to hug his legs to his chest. He buried his face in his knees, and sobbed harder and harder the longer he stayed there. It didn’t take long before he felt thin fingers on his shoulder and he looked up to see Beverly crouched next to him. Richie was sat next to him and he merely sniffled before returning his face into his knees.

“Was it your mom?” Bev cooed. Eddie nodded and took a stuttered breath.

“She had a stroke last month…and didn’t bother to tell me. It’s heart cancer,” Eddie told them. Beverly sighed and Richie reached behind him to gently stroke his hair and nape. It was comforting, and he was glad he had his friends with him.

“Why didn’t she tell you sooner?” Bev asked.

“Because apparently cutting her off for constantly misgendering and dead naming me meant that I no longer care about her or her fucking health,” he grumbled. Richie leaned his head against Eddie’s and he reached back to touch the hand on his neck.

“She’s just trying to make you feel guilty, Eds. Of course you care. It wasn’t fair of her to assume you didn’t,” Beverly assured him.

“You don’t need that shit,” Richie murmured and pressed his lips to the top of his head. It wasn’t a kiss, just like before when they were on break, but it was enough.

“I wish I could though…I wish I could just stop caring, but I _can’t_. She’s my _mom_. Of course I fucking care about her. It hurts, but I do,” he said while fighting more tears.

“I get it, Eddie. I hate my dad more than anything, but I still care. They’re our parents, we’re basically genetically coded to give a shit about them even when it hurts,” Beverly assured him. Eddie sighed and reached for Beverly with his other hand. Both his friends held him, and he felt a little bit whole again.

“Thank you…sorry if I ruined the day,” he murmured. Richie chuckled and kissed the top of his head for real this time.

“Eddie spaghetti? Nah, you’re not capable of ruining anything. You’re too fucking awesome,” he assured him. Eddie giggled and leaned his cheek towards Bevvy for her to kiss too. She obliged and Eddie reached his arms around to hug them both.

“Thanks…I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Eds,” Beverly said. Richie smiled.

“Yeah…”


	3. In which Eddie gets high and buys lube

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is introduced in this chapter :)
> 
> TW: mentions of cancer, weed, mentions of binding/top surgery, mentions of masturbating

The show was a success. At least, that’s what Bill said. Eddie still felt like he wasn’t speaking loud enough, but after what happened with his mom Bill was noticeably less harsh on Eddie. He didn’t tell him himself, but he suspected Richie had something to do with it. He was relieved once their last show ended, and was immediately greeted with a text from him mother saying she was going through chemo. It was an exhausting contrast, but he only hoped that she wouldn’t be in pain when her life inevitably ended soon. He put his phone away and immediately headed for his dorm.

Classes were easier to handle now that he had his normal study time back. Stan had started studying with Mike while Eddie was busy, but they both welcomed him with open arms when he walked into the library with his textbooks. The first week back felt like a breath of fresh air, but after that he realized he was starting to miss seeing Richie nearly every night. Even just in passing, he had become accustomed to the other man making himself known around him. He didn’t think he would miss it much, but he found himself craving his company more than he used to. He found himself itching to walk down to the vending machine at night. Maybe he’d run into them. He had Richie’s number and was more than capable of making plans with him if he wanted, but he just wanted to be around him every day. No plans needed. He had class with all his friends, but he didn’t share a single class with Eddie. He only really saw Richie during rehearsals.

“Eddie spaghetti, you look more and more beautiful every time I see you,” Richie hummed as he approached the vending machines. He was still in his pajamas and was surprised to see just Bev and Richie hanging out without the usual group.

“Where’s everyone else?” Eddie asked taking a seat next to Bev.

“They got caught once and now they won’t leave their dorms when they’re high,” Beverly said.

“Quitters! Losers! They don’t know how to have fun,” Richie giggled.

“Richie, shut up. People are trying to sleep,” Eddie chided. Although he missed his loudness. Missed his voice and how deep it could go. He wanted to fall asleep listening to the vibrations coming from Richie’s chest.

“Have you ever gotten high, Eddie spaghetti?” Richie asked. Eddie shook his head.

“Not really. I was binding up until last year, so I figured my lungs were under enough stress,” he said. Richie nodded.

“Fair enough, but you’re not binding anymore?”

“Nope. Eight months post-op,” he announced proudly. Richie held up a hand and Eddie obliged in giving him a high five. Bev kissed his cheek and he smiled in response.

“Do you wanna try some tonight? I’ve got a sleepy time blunt back in my dorm,” Bev invited. Eddie hummed in thought. He didn’t have any class the next day…so it seemed pretty safe to experiment that night.

“Sure. I could always use some help getting to sleep,” he agreed.

They walked back to Beverly’s dorm relatively quietly. Sometimes Richie made a stupid noise and they would remind him to keep it down, but other than that they didn’t get caught sneaking around. When they got to Beverly’s room Richie immediately opened the window and turned on the fan. Eddie shivered in his pajamas, and was thankful when Beverly wrapped him up in a blanket. Of course that only made Richie coo over how cute he looked all bundled up, and Eddie blushed as he tossed his hoodie in his lap. He was slow at first, but he eventually wiggled into the warm garment and said thank you and he rewrapped himself in the blanket. Richie merely smiled at him and pulled the hood up before humming “cute cute cute!”.

“Richie is much more affectionate when he’s high,” Beverly said as she grabbed her lighter. She handed Eddie what was left of the blunt and lit the end at he set it in his mouth. His first hit felt a little bit like nothing, but the second drag he took was a bit of a head rush. He smiled as his brain and his body finally relaxed after hours of being on edge, and gladly took a third. He coughed a little, but otherwise took it great.

“I think I like this,” Eddie hummed and let his eyes droop close. Richie joined him on the bed and gently took the blunt from Eddie’s fingers.

“You should shotgun him. I think he’d like the feeling,” Beverly said as she sat back in her beanbag chair.

“Ew, no. I don’t want Richie blowing in my face,” Eddie scoffed. Richie laughed and then cupped his jaw.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I brushed,” he assured him. Eddie’s heart raced as he let him lean in, and couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel if Richie kissed him. Instead all he did was blow the smoke against his lips, and Eddie felt hazy inhaling the other’s smoke.

“Fuck…” he sighed.

“It’s good, yeah? Feels extra floaty,” Richie hummed and handed the blunt back. Eddie nodded and took one last hit before reaching to hand it back to Bev. She accepted it, and then put it out so she could wrap it up again.

“That one has lasted me a long ass time. I dunno if I’ll actually finish it,” she said. Eddie hummed and let his eyes close. When he opened them again he realized he was leaning on Richie’s shoulder and was slow to correct himself.

“Sorry,” he murmured. Richie merely chuckled and leaned his cheek against Eddie’s head.

“No worries, baby. You’re meant to be sleepy,” he assured him. Eddie hummed and then felt himself slump back against his chest.

“Are you guys good here? I have a guy I want to hook up with a couple dorms down,” Beverly said. Eddie blinked his eyes open and frowned.

“We’re good? You mean to crash here?” He asked. She nodded and shrugged her jacket off to reveal a crop top.

“Yeah. There’s this guy from my social studies class. His name is Ben and he’s super hot. We made plans to hook up tonight,” she said. Eddie was slow to catch up, but Richie merely gave her a thumbs up as he ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair.

“We’re good here, Bev. Go get that dick,” he assured her. She chuckled and got up to give them each a kiss on the head.

“Thanks. Don’t have too much fun without me,” she said. Eddie merely yawned, and Richie nodded.

“Okay, only if you _do_ have too much fun without us,” he replied. Eddie weakly pawed at his chest groaning in protest of his shitty joke, and Richie laughed as Bev left. “C’mon, spaghetti-baby. Let’s tuck you in,” Richie said.

“I’m not spaghetti and I’m not a baby,” Eddie grumbled. He didn’t stop Richie from pulling him back until they were laid out in the bed. Although he did protest when he got up to turn off the lights, and then was happy when he returned next to him. He adjusted the blankets while Eddie snuggled closer to him for warmth, and he chuckled as he curled his fingers into the front of his shirt.

“You’re so cute,” Richie whispered as he settled his arms around Eddie.

“Mm…not cute either.”

“You’re right. You’re adorable.”

“Why are we friends? How did that happen? Why do I miss you so much?” Eddie rambled as he adjusted himself in Richie’s embrace.

“You miss me? I’m right here. Why would you miss me?” Richie teased. Eddie sighed and tucked his head under Richie’s chin.

“We spent so much time together for rehearsals…I was just getting used to having you around all the time,” Eddie explained. Richie chuckled again and kissed the top of his head.

“You still got me, Eds. Anytime you want me, I’ll come and annoy you,” Richie assured him. Eddie felt his chest flutter again. Like it always did when Richie talked to him.

“Don’t call me Eds,” he pouted.

“Why not?”

“Mm…makes me feel funny,” he said. His eyes were closed, and there was no chance of them opening any time soon. He was definitely starting to drift off to sleep, but he couldn’t help but want to talk to Richie.

“Well maybe that’s a good thing. Usually funny stuff makes me happy,” Richie replied. Eddie hummed and pressed his lips to Richie’s collarbone. It wasn’t a kiss, but it was enough.

“You make me happy,” he mumbled against his shirt. Richie was quiet for once, and Eddie was almost passed out the next time he spoke.

“You make me happy too, Eds.”

For once Eddie didn’t have any dreams. If he did they were short and insignificant. Instead he just slept and enjoyed the warmth of being held. He hadn’t been held in his sleep since he was a baby. His mother didn’t want him to be too needy or attached, so she stopped rocking him to sleep rather early. At least that’s what his aunts told him, and they had been horrible to him ever since he cut his hair. There was only one or two that weren’t awful to him, but they weren’t any better either. His mother had a lot of sisters. He only hoped they were taking care of her through the chemo.

Waking up wasn’t unpleasant, but it could’ve been better. He was still clinging to Richie, but he could feel the other’s phone vibrating and ringing in his pocket. He groaned and pawed at Richie’s chest to get him to turn it off. He assumed it was an alarm, but it was suddenly very clear that it was a phone call when Richie pulled it out and spoke. Eddie was suddenly surrounded by the husky sound of Richie’s morning voice, and he couldn’t not think about how sexy it sounded next to his ear. He shivered, but played it off as being cold as Richie continued to talk.

“Bill…fuck, what the fuck?” He grumbled. Eddie nuzzled under his neck, and he smiled as Richie switched hands and returned his arm around his shoulder. He was cold too. The dorm was always freezing in the mornings.

“What do you mean what the fuck? Where are you? I thought we were gonna hang out and pregame today,” Bill said. Eddie wrinkled his nose hearing this information and hummed.

“I’m in Bevvy’s dorm. Eds and I got super blazed and crashed here last night,” Richie told him. Eddie touched a little more down his tips and pulled the blanket back up over their shoulders.

“Really? I wouldn’t expect Eds to be into that. Did you guys…uh…”

“Did we what?”

“Hook up?” Bill asked. Eddie groaned and Richie laughed.

“No, it’s just a normal Saturday, okay? It’s not Christmas morning, Billy,” he joked.

“What are you going on about?” Eddie grumbled.

“I’m saying a night with you would be my ultimate Christmas present,” Richie hummed and kissed the top of his head. Eddie merely sighed and finally managed to turn to face away from the other man. Richie merely held him closer, and Eddie was pleased to discover that being the little spoon was super fucking _warm_.

“Uh, Gotcha. Are we still pregaming though?” Bill asked.

“Hold your horses, Billium, I just fucking woke up,” Richie whined. Eddie tugged on his arm to make Richie hold him tighter, and was pleased to feel a soft kiss on the nape of his neck.

“Christ, Richie, it’s nearly noon!” Bill announced. Eddie’s eyes flung open hearing that, and he jolted up and looked around the room. It was sunny outside, and the thermostat on Beverly’s window said it was in the high seventies.

“Fuck, I slept away half my day,” Eddie gasped.

“Look, Bill, I’ll meet up with you in the lounge in a little bit, okay? I gotta calm down Eddie,” Richie sighed before hanging up.

“How…what fucking time did I come over? Fuck, and I wanted to go to the drug store today,” he sighed.

“It’s okay, Eds. You can still go to the store. It’s not even noon. You got plenty of time,” Richie assured him. Eddie took a couple deep breaths before sighing.

“I was going to take the bus. They’re always full this time of day on weekends. I wanted to go in the morning when it wasn’t as busy,” he explained.

“It’s okay. I’ll drive you, okay? That’s even better,” Richie assured him.

“But…Bill—“

“Bill can come with us if he’s gonna be butt hurt about it. C’mon, let’s get going,” Richie said rolling out of bed. He pulled Eddie up with him, and Eddie blushed as they walked out the door.

“Richie, I need to put on _real_ clothes,” he pointed out. Richie stopped and then looked down at Eddie’s sleep shorts. He nodded and started heading towards Eddie’s dorm.

“Alright! We are on our way to your dorm first,” he announced.

It wasn’t that far away, but it took a while for Richie to understand that Eddie didn’t want him in the room while he got dressed. He still wasn’t used to changing in front of other guys, and he was attracted to Richie. It would be weird to get naked in front of him when he would prefer them to be in a different circumstance for that to happen. Also, he hasn’t had any bottom surgery, so he never let anyone see him without some type of bottom covering yet. It wouldn’t make him too uncomfortable, but he only wanted to show it in certain circumstances. He decided to change into some real shorts instead, and pulled on a more form fitting teeshirt. He debated putting Richie’s hoodie back on, and then went with it when he remembered the weather was kind of low for the day. When he remerged Richie smiled, and he blushed as he realized why. The hoodie. Luckily, Eddie was able to remind him about Bill before he could mention anything, and they were in the lounge seconds later.

“God, took you guys long enough. Eds, are you pregaming too?” Bill asked. Eddie shook his head.

“No, uh…I just need to go to the store for something,” Eddie replied. He still hadn’t mentioned what he needed, and he was hoping Richie would be too distracted with Bill to bother him while he got it.

“Oh. Okay. Sounds good. Let’s go then.”

It was a little awkward sitting between Bill and Richie in the middle seat of his truck. He was willing to sit in the back because he knew Bill liked shot gun, but Bill suggested Eddie be in the little middle seat and no one could think why he shouldn’t. Maybe on their way back he’ll sit in the back so they don’t ask about what he got, but he wished he picked the back from the start because it was clear Bill was a little peeved with Richie’s tardiness. Eddie knew he was never unwelcome, but he suspected Bill wanted to talk to Richie alone that day.

“You guys go ahead and grab your stuff. I’ll meet you by the car when I’m done,”Eddie said before bolting off towards the personal care aisle. Richie was about to protest, but Bill was quick to tug him towards the alcohol.

In the end, Eddie was glad Bill pulled Richie away, because he could not face the embarrassment if Richie followed him through the store only to find out Eddie needed to buy lube. It wasn’t for anything very extreme. He just needed extra lubrication now that he was on T for a long time. He masturbated like a healthy young adult would, and while he wasn’t completely dry it wasn’t as comfortable as it used to be. When he researched his transition he looked into his options when it came to his pants region. A lot of it sounded good, but it was very high risk and extremely out of budget. So he was working with what he was born with for the time being, and he learned he had to keep himself lubricated during certain activities if he got too dry. No matter how much he psyched himself up about how healthy he was being, he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, ashamed, and nervous whenever he bought lube. Not even Beverly knew he needed extra help down there sometimes, but even then it was mostly for masturbating not actual sex.

It took him a moment to find the right aisle because he hadn’t been to that store before. Then it took him a while to find the brand he liked. When he finally did he was surprised when he felt cold fingers poke his cheek. He gasped and dropped the bottle with a red face only to see Richie grinning at him. His first thought was that he wanted to die, and his second thought was that he hoped Richie wouldn’t say anything to embarrass him when he noticed what aisle they were in.

“What are you doing over here? You got a date tonight?” Richie asked. Eddie sighed. It wasn’t the worst thing he could’ve said. He picked up the fallen bottle, and grabbed a fresh, unsoiled one from the rack.

“That’s none of your business, Richie. I’m just restocking,” he grumbled and crossed his arms. Richie nodded and pursed his lips as he walked past him and to the condom again.

“Yeah, I should stock up too. Y’know, with the party tonight. I hope they have my size. It’s so hard to find a monster condom for my giant fucking monster dong,” Richie said as he ran his fingers over the boxes of condoms. Eddie frowned.

“What party?” He asked. “Also, shut the fuck up. I don’t care about your tiny dick.” Richie laughed at that and stepped away from the condoms.

“The midterm party. It’s in the lounge, and since it’s a junior class they’re letting us get drunk,” Richie grinned. “Bill and I have it, so we’re going. Do you wanna come? You can be my plus one,” he invited. Eddie blushed at how forward that invitation was and nervously played with the plastic around the bottle.

“I dunno…it sounded like Bill wanted to spend time with you today,” he noticed. Richie shrugged.

“Bill is fine. We chatted a bit while getting the beer,” he assured him. Eddie sighed and attempted to hide the bottle with both his hands.

“Fine…but only if you don’t tell him why I needed to go to the store,” he allowed. Richie grinned.

“Trust me, spaghetti-baby. This is definitely something I’m keeping to myself,” he purred. Eddie wrinkled his nose in disgust, and Richie laughed loudly at it. “God, you’re so cute. Let’s get checked out, okay?”

“Okay…”

They got checked out and met Bill outside in the truck. Eddie decided to sit up front again since Richie already knew what he got and it was wrapped up in his bag. When Bill asked what he got Eddie merely told him it was lotion. That made Richie smirk, and Eddie blushed as he tucked it under his armpit as he crossed his arms. Then they got back to campus and Eddie was instantly swooped away by Beverly the minute they stepped foot inside. Richie seemed to want to say something, but Beverly was too quick, and Eddie felt a little relieved to get some room. He liked Richie, but sometimes it was hard to breath because of how he made Eddie feel.

“I think I’m going to make him my boyfriend,” Beverly said with a grin as they flopped on her bed together. Eddie smiled hearing that.

“Really? Is he nice?” He asked. She nodded and sighed as she reminisced.

“He was such a gentlemen. I’ve never felt so safe and secure during a hook up. Any time I seemed even a little bit uncomfortable he asked me if I was okay and let me know we could stop at anytime. Isn’t that so nice?” She gushed. Eddie could only assume. He’s been on dates and had flings before, but nothing so intense as a hook up.

“He sounds very polite. Very different from your track record,” Eddie teased. She laughed and blushed.

“I mean, maybe it’s a good thing? I never cared much because I’m not too attached to people besides my friends, but…there’s just something about him,” she said.

“You should invite him to the party tonight,” Eddie suggested.

“What party?”

“Richie and Bill have a class that’s throwing a party. It’s a junior class, so they’re serving alcohol. They’re pregaming for it right now,” Eddie told her.

“Ugh, that’s perfect! Are you going?” She asked. He blushed and then nodded.

“Yeah…Richie asked me to go with him,” he revealed. Beverly sat up with wide and excited eyes.

“He did? And you said yes?”

“Uh…yeah, I did.”

“Oh my god, I’m so excited! You guys are so cute together,” she said. Eddie blushed deeper.

“It’s just a party, okay? It’s not like it’s a date,” he huffed.

“Do you think you want to date him, though?” She asked. Eddie shrugged and crossed his arms again.

“I dunno. I doubt it would be a good idea. Things are just…really rocky right now. It wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“How so?”

“It’s just…it’s a lot, okay? He already does so much for me as a friend, and I kind of rely on all of my friends. I don’t wanna date, I just want to feel…happy with the people I’m around,” he explained. Beverly took his hand.

“Is it about your mom?” She whispered. He sighed and then nodded.

“Yeah…she’s going through the chemo right now,” he answered. Beverly nodded back and sat closer to rub Eddie’s shoulder. She let him lean against her shoulder and enjoyed her company.

“We got you, Eds. All your friends love you so much. Me, and Richie, and Bill, and Stan, and Mike…I betcha even Ben will adore you when I kidnap him and force him to be my husband,” she assured him. He smiled at that and was grateful when he felt her lips against his cheek.

“Thanks, Bevvy. I dunno what I’d do without you guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve mentioned this before and I’ll say it again I dislike Bill Denbrough the most so if my writing ever seems biased against him it’s because it is and I think he’s a whiny baby who is uncomfortable when not about him lol
> 
> With that said, I still try to write him as close to canon as I can and any conflict with Bill is inspired by something that happened in the movies. I refuse to read the book though bc I don’t feel like reading about 12 year old Beverly’s b00bies and the g@ng b@ng scene :/
> 
> Any critiques on how I write Bill is valid, but I do flesh him out a little bit more in later chapters <3


	4. In which Bill vibe checks Richie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill Denbrough: exists  
> Me: this is a wonderful plot device for conflict :)
> 
> TW: non consensual kissing (very brief with apology), blood, mentions of cancer/stroke, sibling death mention (Georgie), violence/fighting

Normally Eddie wouldn’t accept an invitation to a party. Too many people in one area always made him nervous and he was still trying to unlearn all his mothers panic around germs and physical contact. He was taught that the world was disgusting and that cleanliness was close to godliness. There wasn’t a moment in his childhood that he wasn’t worried about germs and how much hand sanitizer he had in his bag. He had gotten over a lot of it, but crowds was something he was still working on. Really the only reason he decided to go was because Richie asked him too, and he missed him for stupid reasons. Even then, Richie was clearly drunk when Eddie finished his homework and he was starting to regret accepting his invite.

“Eds! This is Ben. Isn’t he cool?” Beverly said before Richie saw him. Eddie smiled at the man Beverly was wrapped around and nodded.

“Hi, I’m Eddie,” he greeted.

“Ben, as you heard. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Ben said as they shook hands.

“Really?” Eddie asked.

“Of course he has. You’re my best friend,” Beverly said with a smile. Ben nodded.

“Learned that very quick,” he said laughing. Beverly laughed with him, and Eddie chuckled. He then noticed Richie had finally spotted him and sighed as he strutted over and wrapped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders.

“There he is! I missed ya, spaghetti!” He said with a wide smile. Eddie blushed and shook his head.

“You smell like vodka,” he acknowledged.

“What a coincidence! I’ve been drinking vodka,” Richie replied.

“Is there anymore? I love that stuff,” Beverly said. Richie nodded and pointed towards the counters.

“Yeah, they’ve been doing shots since eight,” he told her.

“Okay, thanks! We’ll be back,” she winked at Eddie before hopping off with Ben.

“Has anyone offered you a drink yet? If they haven’t I sure would love to,” Richie hummed. Eddie already felt hot in the sweater he threw in before coming, and even hotter with Richie so close to him.

“What’s available?” He asked.

“Mmm, we got beer, seltzers, shots, aaand I’m pretty sure someone brought margarita mix,” he listed.

“I like seltzers,” Eddie said shyly. Richie then started leading them towards the fridge.

“Seltzers it is!”

After a few sips of his drink Eddie started to feel himself loosen up. They stood around for a little bit before Richie persuaded him towards the couches. Ben and Beverly were getting comfortable on the love seat, so they sat on the bigger couch where they found Mike and Stan. Mike had the big chair, and Stan sat on the edge as they discussed their biology class. Richie called them boring, and Eddie told him to leave them alone. He was going to curse him out more, but was quelled when Richie returned his arm over his shoulders. The warmth from his body heat felt too good, and the seltzer made his brain to fuzzy to care. They sat there long enough for Eddie to finish his drink, and he ended up dozing off snuggled against Richie’s chest. When he woke up again Stan was gone and Bill had replaced him. Mike, Stan, Beverly and Ben were all gone too, and Richie was talking to Bill as he blinked his eyes open.

“There he is! Wakey wakey, sweetheart, it’s not your bedtime just yet,” Richie chirped when Eddie yawned.

“You’ve always been a sleepy drunk, Eds,” Bill hummed as he sipped his beer.

“Has he? I bet his first time getting drunk was fun to watch,” Richie said. Eddie groaned at the memories, and Bill merely laughed and nodded to confirm.

“Oh yeah. That was the night he first turned eighteen and got accepted to this school. He hadn’t told his mom yet, and all he wanted to do was get shit faced to celebrate,” Bill said.

“I can’t do tequila anymore after that night,” Eddie murmured and rolled back to pull his face away from Richie’s armpit. He blinked around the room before looking at Richie and found him smiling at him fondly. He blushed, and eventually smiled back before stretching. “I’m gonna walk around…I’ll be back,” he sighed.

“Yeah? You want us to come with?” Richie offered.

“He’ll be fine. He just needs to walk it off,” Bill assured him. Richie was silent in response, and Eddie felt off about that. He always had something to say, especially to Bill.

“I’ll be okay, Richie. Thank you,” he murmured and tucked his arms under his arm pits to warm himself as he stood up.

“Okay…we’ll be here,” Richie murmured. Eddie nodded and then walked away.

He left the lounge and decided to walk down the halls to his dorm. There wasn’t much he needed to do there. Just grab his phone and brush his teeth to get rid of the alcohol on his breath. He grabbed his stuff from his shower bag, and walked down to the bathrooms. There he brushed and rinsed and used his mouth wash, and then decided to empty his bladder. Once he was finished up he washed his hands and returned to his room to get his phone. He set his bag to the side and decided to check it as he started walking back. There was another text from his mother about her chemo appointment, and when he was about to reply he accidentally ran into a person in front of him.

“Whoa, you okay there, Eds?” Bill asked as he gently grabbed his shoulders. Eddie blinked up at him and nodded.

“Yeah, sorry. Just not looking at where I’m going. Did Richie leave? I thought I told you guys I’d be right back,” he said. Bill shook his head.

“No, Richie is still in the lounge. I just…I wanted to talk to you about something is all,” Bill said. Eddie nodded and waited for him to speak. He took a deep breath. “Look, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you for being in the show. It really made everything…so much easier for me having you there.”

“Of course, Billy. That’s what friends are for. You would do the same for me if I needed it,” Eddie replied kindly. Bill nodded in agreement.

“Absolutely. Thing is…I feel kinda bad about how harsh I was sometimes during the rehearsals. I was trying not to show any bias, but…Eds, I had no idea what was going on with your mom. Last I heard you cut her off, and…I never would’ve worked you so hard if I had know you were struggling,” he said. Eddie felt his stomach drop when Bill mentioned his mother.

“Sorry…I should’ve told you. I know she wasn’t nice to you and Stan either,” he murmured.

“It’s okay. I just want you to know that I’m here for you,” Bill assured him. Eddie smiled.

“Thanks…I appreciate that a lot,” he said softly. 

Bill held his eyes and slowly started to lean in. Eddie felt himself panic, but tried to calm down by telling himself Bill was just going to kiss his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek forward to accept it. He was sorely mistaken, and pulled back the moment he felt Bill’s lips against the corner of his mouth. His heart was racing and he looked up at his friend with wide eyes. Bill looked embarrassed, and quickly covered his mouth.

“Shit…I’m so sorry. I thought…fuck, I read that so wrong, didn’t I?” He asked.

“It’s okay, I just…I thought you were going to kiss my cheek,” Eddie replied. Bill sighed.

“Fuck, I thought…you were like looking at me and I thought that meant you wanted me to…I’m so sorry, Eds. That’s on me. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he apologized. Eddie smiled awkwardly.

“It’s okay. I just…intimacy is kind of hard for me right now, and…we’ve always been best friends, is all,” Eddie explained. Bill nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry. My brain has just been going crazy about this whole situation. I just wanna make you feel happy and comfortable,” Bill assured him as he took his hands. Eddie allowed him, but felt weird sharing affection with Bill. They always did it when they were younger, but it didn’t feel the same as Richie putting his arms around him. It wasn’t as comforting as his morning voice, or the feeling of his lips on his nape.

“…Bill, I—“

“There you guys are! I thought you ditched me.”

Eddie looked over to see Richie coming down the hall from the lounge. He quickly let go of Bills hands, and hoped he would hug him again. He missed the feeling of Richie giving him comfort. Unfortunately he didn’t and instead just stood there and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Eddie could tell he was less then thrilled by everything he saw.

“Sorry, I ran into Bill on the way back and we started chatting,” Eddie said. Richie nodded and ruffled his hair.

“No sweat, Eddie spaghetti. Are you hungry? Because there’s some good shit back in the lounge,” he offered and slipped his hand around his waist. It wasn’t lost to Eddie that there was still some weird tension between Richie and Bill since that morning. He still couldn’t resist his urge to lean into the affection, and nodded a little.

“I could eat. What’s—“

“I kissed Eddie,” Bill blurted. They were all quiet, and Eddie could only glare at his friend.

“Bill, that was an accident and you said sorry. I never asked you to kiss me,” Eddie said sternly.

“Why the fuck would you tell me that?” Richie spat.

“Because you seem to think that you can feel up my best friend whenever you fucking want,” Bill spat back.

“God, both of you shut the fuck up,” Eddie groaned and kept Richie back when he tried to step closer.

“Are you seriously trying to tell me you’re fine with how he’s been treating you? We’ve only known this guy for like five months and he’s all over you like you’re a dog bone,” Bill went on.

“I’ve _never_ touched Eddie in a way that made him feel uncomfortable. Apparently you can’t say the same,” Richie retorted. Bill’s jaw dropped and Eddie tried to stop him from coming closer. He merely walked past him and swung his fist into Richie’s jaw.

“Bill! Fucking stop it!” Eddie yelled as he pulled his friend away. Beverly came running into the hallway and pulled Richie up from the ground. Eddie crouched to help her while Bill was panting and waving off his throbbing fist.

“Fuck you, Denbrough,” Richie coughed. He must’ve bit his tongue from the impact because his lips were bright red with blood.

“Are you okay? Did you hit your head on the way down?” Eddie asked as they got Richie to sit up. His face was starting to swell and darken where he was hit. Eddie gingerly inspected the area.

“Bill, what the hell did you do?” Stan asked as he walked in on the scene. Bill was still catching his breath as he wiped his nose with his uninjured hand.

“Richie was being a creep. As usual,” he accused.

“Go fuck yourself!” Richie growled and spat blood on his pants.

“Bill! Richie wasn’t creeping me out!” Eddie insisted.

“He’s had his fucking hands on you all night! I’m sick of seeing him treat you like…like a fucking _object!_ “ Bill shouted back.

“He’s not treating me like an object!” Eddie protested.

“Bill, you need to calm down,” Stan said. He was their usual voice of reason, and the only person Bill would really listen to. “Eddie is fully capable of voicing when he’s uncomfortable. You don’t need to defend him.”

“You didn’t see the way he was on him during the rehearsals!”

“Did you ever stop to fucking think that maybe he likes it! Fuck, dude just because you’ve known him longer doesn’t mean I can’t be affectionate with him,” Richie spat.

“We should get you cleaned up. Do you have mouth wash?” Eddie asked trying to change the subject.

“You weren’t there when Eddie was first transitioning! You weren’t there when guys would crowd around him and ask him stupid questions trying to get into his pants! You don’t know how it feels to watch that and pray to god it doesn’t happen again!” Bill snapped. Eddie looked up at him with wide eyes hearing that.

“Bill…do you think Richie is just trying to hook up with Eddie?” Beverly asked. Bill was breathing heavy and finally broke down crying. Stan let him cry on his shoulder and Eddie was shocked to hear how upset he was.

“I don’t know what to think…all I know is that Eddie is like a brother to me, and…I can’t…I don’t want him to hurt anymore,” Bill sobbed. Stan nodded in understanding, and let Bill cry. Eddie got up and rubbed Bill’s back comfortingly.

“It’s okay, Billy…I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me. It’s okay,” he cooed.

“I know it’s been hard for you ever since Georgie died, but Eddie is okay,” Stan added.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie,” Bill whimpered. Beverly successfully got Richie to his feet, and Eddie reached for him to come closer.

“Richie is my friend, okay? Just like you. Just like Stan. I _like_ the affection from you guys. I love the cheek kisses and the hugs. It makes me feel safe. I know you worry about me, but I would tell you if something made me uncomfortable,” Eddie assured him.

“You didn’t tell me about your mom,” Bill pointed out. Eddie felt guilty about that, and sighed.

“I…I’m sorry.”

“Bill, I told you so Eddie didn’t have to,” Richie said. He was still bleeding from his mouth and Eddie hated to see it drip down his shirt.

“…I know.”

“And…fuck, I know I said some stuff that put you off when it was just the two of us, but…” 

Richie paused, and Eddie was distracted by his phone going off. He stepped away while Richie went on and read the unlabeled number. It was a Maine area code, and he felt a pit in his stomach when he answered it. Beverly was with him as he answered, and hugged him as the hospital told him what was happening. Richie and Bill were still talking, but they fell silent as Stan nudged them to pay attention to Eddie sobbing in Beverly’s arms.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Richie asked.

“His mom had another stroke…she’s on life support, but they don’t know how long she’ll last,” Beverly told them.

“I need to go home. I need—I-I need to say goodbye,” Eddie cried.

“I’ll go with you,” Bill volunteered stepping away from Stan and wiping his tears.

“I’ll go too,” Richie offered, but Eddie was shaking his head.

“Y-you guys are both injured, and you need to make up! I don’t want you two arguing on the plane,” he sniffled. Beverly held him closer and he embraced her back.

“Bev, you go ahead and help Eddie pack. I’ll work on getting the tickets. Richie, can I borrow your truck?” Stan asked. Richie nodded.

“Definitely. Anything you need,” he said.

“I’ll drive it back from the airport,” Beverly volunteered.

“I think Mike might still be awake. He’ll help patch you two up,” Stan instructed.

“If not, Ben should be sober enough to get you guys help,” Beverly said.

“Who the fuck is Ben?” Bill asked.

“Bev? Is everything…okay?” Ben walked in and trailed off when he noticed Eddie crying, Richie bleeding, and Bill an absolute mess.

“It’s fine, honey. Can you get Richie and Bill some help? They’re both bleeding,” she asked. He nodded and started leading them down the hall.

“Yeah, I got a first aid kit in my dorm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear Bill has some logic to his actions they’re just a little,,, misplaced lol
> 
> Richie getting punched by Bill was very much inspired by the cannon scene where they fight about IT in the first movie


	5. In which Eddie’s mom dies and Richie takes him to a museum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: deadnaming, misgendering, death

They all went their ways, and Eddie couldn’t stop worrying about his mother. He was shaking as Beverly helped him pack, and he didn’t want to let go of her the entire car ride to the airport. They were lucky to get the tickets so last minute, but Stan’s parents always made sure to send him enough money for a plane ride home every Christmas and then some. They boarded fairly quickly since it was the middle of the night, and saying goodbye to Beverly before security was borderline painful. Eventually he passed out on Stan’s shoulder, and when they landed it was light outside. They only had carry-ons, so they were quick to get off the plane and find Stan’s parents outside the airport.

The drive to the hospital felt like the longest drive in his life. It wasn’t short by any means, but it also wasn’t the longest drive Eddie had ever taken. Still, it felt like decades before they pulled up and walked through the front doors. They checked in, and Eddie was relieved to hear that his mother was still alive. A couple of his aunts just left for breakfast, so the room was empty besides Sonia. He was escorted to the room with Stan while Stan’s parents stayed in the waiting room. His fingers had gone numb hours ago, but as they approached Sonia’s doors they started to feel again.

Thankfully his mother was still asleep as he walked in. They said they wouldn’t let more than two people in at a time, so that meant his aunts wouldn’t walk in on them either. So he just sat by her bed listening to the sound of her heart monitor. Stan sat further away on the other side of the room updating the others through text. Eddie could feel the messages buzzing against his thigh as they all chatted, but couldn’t look away from his mother in the hospital bed. He always imagined her dying of old age. Passing away in her sleep and finally finding peace for once in her life. It was quickly hitting him that there was never a guarantee that his mother would die of old age. She was barely fifty five and she had heart cancer. Dying peacefully in her sleep was only what Eddie hoped for her so she wouldn’t suffer. Because he loved his mother no matter what she said or did to him, and that realization made him hate that he loved her. Before he knew it he was crying. Nothing heavy, just sad tears rolling down his cheeks as he watched his mother sleep.

“Mm…Hannah? Kenzie?” Sonia murmured hours later. Eddie sat up straight and wiped his tears as he sniffled. Stan had fallen asleep as well, and started to blink his eyes open as Eddie’s mother woke up.

“Hey, mama,” Eddie murmured reaching for her hand. She looked over at him.

“Lizzie…what are you doing here?” She asked.

“The hospital called and said you had a stroke. I just…I wanted to make sure you’re okay, and if you weren’t…I just wanted to say goodbye,” Eddie explained. She allowed him to hold her hand, but didn’t bother to hold it in return.

“Is that what it takes for you to visit your own mother? My deathbed?” She croaked. Eddie sighed.

“All you had to do was…call me by my name and pronouns, ma. I would’ve come back in a second if you just did that,” Eddie whimpered.

“And all you had to do was understand that _I_ named you. _I_ gave birth to you. I know you better than you know yourself. Why would I call you something you’re not?” She went on. Her voice sounded weak, and Eddie felt guilty knowing he was stressing her out.

“I’m sorry, mommy. I’m just trying to stay true to myself. I know that you put so much love and energy into raising me…I just know that this is right for me.”

“How do you know? I don’t think you do. You’re much too young to know the consequences to your actions,” she shot back.

“Mom, we’ve had this conversation a million times. Nothing you say will change my mind and nothing I say will change yours. That’s why I cut you off,” Eddie whispered. Sonia grumbled something under her breath and he let go of her hand to cover his face so she wouldn’t see him sob.

“Then why did you bother coming up here? Probably drained all your friends pockets for this trip just to disrespect your mother one last time. After you’ve messed up your hormones and chopped up your body,” she scoffed. Eddie wiped more of his tears away and tried to hold back his cries.

“Because I love you, mommy. I’ll always love you, and I can’t help that I love you. It’s…it’s not normal or easy for a _child_ to have to cut off their _parents_. It’s hard and…and I wish I could just turn it off but I _can’t_. I’ve always cared about you,” Eddie purged. Sonia could only look at her blankets.

“It doesn’t feel like you care.”

“Mom…”

“Ms. Kaspbrak, your child is trying to tell you how much he loves you,” Stanley interjected. Eddie sighed and closed his eyes to prepare for Sonia to blow up again.

“My _daughter_ is trying to make me feel guilty about calling her my _daughter_. I’m not so easily fooled. You just want me to give in before I kick the can,” she insisted.

“You have no idea how much I’d love to hear you call me your son…just that,” Eddie confessed.

“You’ll never hear it then,” Sonia said stubbornly. Eddie sniffled and shook his head before standing up.

“Goodbye, mom…I really hope you make it out of this alive and healthy…but if you don’t, I hope you finally understand that nothing I asked for was to make you hate me and that I’ve always loved you,” Eddie said before walking out. 

Stanley was close behind him, and they were instantly greeted with his aunts. They bitched and moaned at him for a moment before he merely shook his head and walked off. They rode down the elevator to get to Stanley’s parents, and then went back to his house to rest until their next flight. He was quiet for the most part, and sobbing the rest of the time. Stanley gave him all the hugs he needed, and he even got some from Mr. and Mrs. Uris as well. They all told him how much they cared for him and loved him, and as much as he appreciated it he couldn’t stop thinking about how it was impossible for his own mother to say the same thing. Their next flight was at midnight, and Stanley’s parents drove them again. Stan texted the group chat that they were headed home, and Eddie passed out just as everyone was replying and telling them how much they loved and missed him. He fell asleep reading Richie’s text, and made sure to heart it before turning off his phone.

The next time Eddie woke up he was in his dorm. He wasn’t alone, and he was happy to find himself sandwiched between Stanley and Beverly. When he peeked over the bed he saw Bill, Richie and Ben on the floor. Then he looked over and spotted Mike in his desk chair with a cup of coffee. He smiled when he noticed Eddie blinking at him and Eddie smiled back before letting them close again. Some time passed before there was a commotion on the floor. Eddie opened his eyes again just as he heard Richie groan and crack his back on the ground. He got up on his feet and then smiled when he noticed Eddie was awake. Eddie couldn’t help but smile back and move to sit up and see him better. Large hands came out and cupped his face, and Eddie didn’t have an anxious bone in his body when Richie leaned in. He wanted Richie to kiss him on the lips, but he kissed his forehead instead. Eddie hummed happily when he pulled back and reached up to pull Richie down for him to kiss his cheek.

“Welcome back, Eddie spaghetti,” he whispered. Eddie’s smile hadn’t left the moment he saw Richie smiling back at him.

“It’s good to be back…I missed you,” he said.

“I missed you too,” Richie replied and let their fingers find each other.

“I’m gonna get some breakfast, are you okay with that, Eddie?” Mike asked. Eddie nodded as he stood up from the chair.

“Absolutely. Thank you for being here,” he said. Mike nodded back and stepped around Bill and Ben cuddling on the floor. 

“Mmh…Eddie? Are you awake?” Bev asked sleepily as she reached out for him. She opened her eyes and looked around when she didn’t feel him, and then sat up to hug him. Eddie let go of Richie’s hands to hug her back, and Richie sat on the chair that Mike was in. 

“Hey Bevvy,” he murmured as she patted his back.

“Hey…how are you feeling?” She asked.

“Heartbroken, but…I’ll be okay. I have you guys,” Eddie said. She nodded.

“Always. You’ll always have us,” she promised. Stanley started to wake up as well and moved to hug him as well.

“You phone went off just when we got on campus…it was the hospital,” Stanley murmured. Eddie was quiet for a moment before nodding.

“She’s gone…right?”

“One thirty two am,” Stanley confirmed. Eddie sighed and shrugged.

“…I guess I was just too much for her,” he murmured. Beverly shook her head.

“This was _her_ problem, okay? Not yours. You’re not too much or too little. You’re just right, and she couldn’t get over herself enough to understand that you are just being true to yourself,” she assured him.

“But I wanted her to be happy…I wanted her to be able to smile when she saw me like she used to…I wanted her to be at peace when she passed,” he said.

“Eddie…your mother was so awful to you,” Stanley reminded him.

“I know, it’s just…I can’t help it. She’s my _mom_. Of course I want her to love me. Of course I want her to be okay. Of course I care about her. I can’t _not_ love her. She raised me and she cared for me…now I mean nothing to her,” he sobbed. Beverly kissed the top of his head as Richie stood up again.

“I need to do something really quick…I’ll be back in a little bit,” Richie murmured. Eddie nodded, and was surprised to feel Richie thumb against his cheek. He wiped away his tears as he looked up at him, and Eddie could see the pain Richie’s eyes seeing him so upset. “I’ll be back,” he murmured. Eddie nodded again and leaned into his hand a little before he pulled away.

Once Richie left they all decided to get breakfast. They woke up Bill and Ben, and then made sure to text Richie to tell him they were headed for the nearby diner. They sat in the biggest booth, and Beverly made sure Eddie got a big stack of pancakes when they ordered. Richie joined in about an hour after he initially left, and happily scarfed down the waffles Bill ordered for him. Eddie was glad to see them getting along again and even joking around as they ate. He happily leaned on Beverly’s shoulder as he watched them, and was immediately greeted with her warm hand rubbing his biceps.

“We emailed your teachers for you while you were out. Then we updated them again when we got the call. Basically, you have no homework for the rest of the semester, and if you perform lower than what you’ve already scored so far they’ll make sure to match it to the most recent test you took,” Beverly told him. Eddie sighed with relief.

“Thank god. I was about to panic about finals,” he huffed. She giggled at that as he pushed away his half eaten plate. “I’m so full now…Geez.”

“You missed a spot, Eds!” Richie pointed out. He merely flipped him off, and the rest of the table laughed. It made Eddie smile, and he was grateful that even without his mother he still had a home.

It took two days of classes before Eddie decided he needed some more time off. His current agreement with his professors allowed it, so he didn’t feel bad about skipping a few days. The first day he slept as much as his body allowed him to, and the second day he spent with Bev and Ben. They snuck into the art studio and played with the pottery wheel until the next class started. The third day he spent with Richie, and it was the first time that week that they had some one on one time. It wasn’t planned, but Richie found him in the lounge and offered to spend time with him. They drove to a nearby museum, and Eddie happily clung to Richie’s arm as they walked through the exhibits. There was a theater further in, and there was a solid ten minutes before the next film played.  
So they sat in the dark watching the clock count down, and Eddie leaned his head on Richie’s shoulder.

“I noticed you and Bill made up,” Eddie said. There was still another five minutes before the movie played. Richie chuckled.

“Yeah, it was kind of a miscommunication,” he said.

“Yeah? How so?” He asked. Richie cleared his throat and then shrugged a little.

“I dunno. I mean…I guess I didn’t realize how sensitive he was about you, and…sometimes I’d make jokes about you and he took that…entirely the wrong way,” he explained.

“What kind of jokes?”

“Uh, y’know. Like that one I made when he called me that morning,” Richie replied vaguely.

“Ah. Christmas morning sex. How could I forget,” Eddie said. They laughed together, and Richie slid his arm around Eddie’s shoulders.

“Yeah, like that. I…I dunno. I’d make them from time to time because my sense of humor is gross, and he thought that I was being a piece of shit to you. He tried to tell me that I shouldn’t talk about you that way when we were at the store together, and I thought he had like a little crush on your or something so I just did it more to piss him off,” Richie said. It was more than obvious that the truth was Richie was jealous and insulted by how over protective Bill was being.

“You know even if Bill really did have a crush on me I wouldn’t date him,” Eddie assured him. Richie was silent for a moment before pressing his lips to the top of Eddie’s head. It wasn’t a kiss, but it was enough. It was always enough.

“Yeah…I know that…”

“I don’t like him like that…but even if I did, I don’t think I’d be that pleasant to date right now,” Eddie murmured shyly. Richie pulled back to look at him, and Eddie looked up in return to see concerned eyes and furrowed brows.

“Why’s that?”

“My mom just died, Richie…even before she died, I was just…I’m such a mess right now because of her. It wouldn’t be fair of me to subject my partner to that type of emotional labor,” Eddie said earnestly. As if he was trying to let him down gently. Richie merely scoffed.

“Emotional labor? You say that like loving you is a chore. Everyone has issues, Eds. You can still love someone when you’re struggling,” he pointed out. Eddie felt himself blush when Richie said ‘loving you’. As if he knew what it felt like to love Eddie.

“Still…it’s a lot to deal with. I don’t want to give half of myself to someone. I don’t even feel like I’m whole anyways. I just feel…broken,” Eddie said. Richie pushed back some of his hair, and Eddie felt his heart race as he moved his hand to cup his cheek.

“You’re one person, Eds. You’re not breaking off pieces of yourself to give away. You’re not…broken, or missing, or half here. You’re a _person_. What matters is how much you love the person who loves you back,” Richie cooed. Eddie craved nothing else but to lean in a kiss him, but before he could the movie finally started. He jumped in surprise, and Richie chuckled as he pulled him in to relax against his chest.

The movie itself was only about seven minutes long. When it ended they left the theater and finished the rest of the exhibits. Along the way their fingers ended up lacing together, and Eddie blushed as he realized he’s never held someone’s hand so casually and feel so comfortable doing it. Sometimes he’d hold hands with Beverly or Stan, or any of his other close friends, but when he held Richie’s hand he felt something different. He felt like he never wanted to let go of his hand, and if he did it was to only hold onto something else. It was so easy for them to touch. To talk, to sit, to sleep, to do absolutely nothing together. Eddie loved it, and he felt a little bit more whole every second he spent with Richie.

“You’re in Phoenix, right?” Eddie asked as they sat outside the ice cream shop they stopped at. Richie nodded. “Are you going home for the summer?” He continued. Richie paused and then frowned.

“Damn…I guess the semester is almost over, huh?” He said. Eddie nodded.

“Usually I go home and stay with Stan or Bill for the summer…but it might be nice to visit you sometime,” Eddie suggested. Richie’s frown quickly turned into a smile.

“Eddie-baby, if you visited me I don’t think I’d let you go back,” he said. Eddie blushed at that and smiled back.

“Really?” He nodded.

“I’d wrap you up in the cutest little bow and I’d hold on to ya as tight as I can,” Richie confirmed. Eddie giggled, and noticed how Richie lit up hearing it.

“Well, besides the bow, I think that would be a pretty good plan,” he said. Richie chuckled a little before growing quiet. Eddie ate his ice cream as he watched Richie say nothing until he cleared his throat.

“I…I left the room…the day you got back…I left the room to call my parents,” he confessed. Eddie stopped eating and then put down his bowl.

“…oh…”

“Yeah, I…I had to tell them a few things. Mostly apologizing,” he went on.

“What did you apologize for? If you don’t mind saying…”

“The reason I started going to school on campus instead of online in the middle of the semester is because I ran away from home,” he told him. Eddie was quiet. “I don’t know what I was thinking to be honest. I was just…I couldn’t be around my parents anymore, so I just made the switch and filled my pick up with gas. Two days later I’m settling into my dorm room and they’re trying to call me, and…I was just being an asshole.”

“You’re not an asshole, Richie. Not really,” Eddie cooed. Richie laughed at that.

“I can be though…I was scared to tell my parents that I like men, so I ran away and avoided them for five months. That day I called them was the first time I spoke to them since I left.”

“Richie…”

“I couldn’t…I just couldn’t stand myself. Hearing about your mom…and how things ended between you and her…like, I _have_ a mom, and I’m choosing to take her for granted. I didn’t wanna make it about me, so I just called them by myself. I’m really sorry about what happened with your mom,” Richie explained further.

“It’s okay…have you told them?” Eddie asked. Richie nodded.

“We FaceTimed last night, and…I cried like a fucking baby,” he admitted. They giggled together and Eddie reached across the table to hold his hand.

“What did they say?”

“…they said that they’ll always love me. No matter what,” he told him. Eddie smiled.

“That’s great, Richie.”

“Yeah…they have a spare room, by the way. My older sister moved out a couple years ago, and they’ve been obsessed with making it the ultimate guest room,” he said.

“Well, I envy the next person who gets to use it,” Eddie said. Richie was quiet for a moment.

“I know it’s…it’s far away from Bill and Stan, but…if you want, that next person could be you,” he offered. It was Eddie’s turn to be quiet as he processed exactly what Richie was saying.

“…you want me to spend the summer with you?” He asked.

“And my family too, I guess. I dunno, I feel obliged to let them peek into my life a little bit now,” he said. Eddie bit his lip.

“I mean…I appreciate this so much, Richie. I just…I don’t know what to say. Can I think about it?” He asked. Richie finally looked at him and nodded.

“Absolutely. Eds, there’s no pressure here. Whatever you want to do is fine, I just…I figured it might be hard to go back home so soon,” he said. Eddie let out a sigh of relief and nodded back.

“Yeah, it is. Thank you. I appreciate that. I just…I need to get my thoughts together before committing to something like that,” he said. Richie nodded again.

“Absolutely. I don’t wanna make things harder for you right now,” Richie said rubbing the back of Eddie’s hand with his thumb. It was such a simple action, but it reminded Eddie of how all his mother could do was lay there while Eddie tried to hold her hand. Tears were rolling down his face again, and Richie sprung to wipe them away. Eddie merely pulled his hands away and held onto them. Richie kissed his knuckles, and Eddie sniffled.

“Thank you…”

“Anytime, Eddie spaghetti.”


	6. In which Eddie and Richie take a road trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I’m still writing this. I have like seven more chapters in the draft and I’m still writing more ;-; also rating is for sure explicit bc we have some fluffy smut coming up in later chapters (I will update the tags for dysphoria trigger warning purposes) :0 <3

“Richie invited me to stay in his guest room this summer,” Eddie announced. Beverly nearly fell out of her bean bag chair and looked at Eddie with wide eyes.

“Um, how long ago did he do that?” She asked.

“Last week,” he answered.

“Okay, one why are you just telling me now, and two why didn’t you say yes?”

“What makes you think I didn’t say yes?” Eddie challenged.

“Because if you said yes, Richie would’ve been gloating about it all fucking week,” she said. Eddie sighed.

“I dunno…I guess I’m scared or something? I want to, I’m just…”

“Terrified of having the most romantic summer of your life?” Beverly asked. Eddie sighed and covered his red face in his hands.

“…kinda.”

“God forbid something good happens to you. It’s not like you two haven’t been all over each other since you guys did Bill’s show together,” she pointed out. He uncovered his face and frowned.

“We are not! Are we really?” He asked.

“Dude, he was literally caressing your cheeks the morning you came back. I find you guys napping together in the lounge more than I find Stan bird watching!” She went on. Eddie groaned.

“Shut up. I can’t explain it.”

“I think it’s pretty simple. You like Richie and Richie likes you,” she sang.

“I don’t like Richie,” he denied.

“Oh? Is that why you guys went to a fucking museum together and ate ice cream? That’s basically just a fucking date. C’mon, Eds. I know he makes you happy. Let yourself be _free_.”

“You’ve been on some hippie shit since you and Ben got together.” She giggled and nodded.

“Yeah, it’s called fucking liking someone and not feeling bad about it. You should try it,” she replied. Eddie groaned and flopped over on his side on Beverly’s bed.

“…it’s not that I feel bad about it, I just…I’m worried he’s too selfless. I don’t want to take too much,” Eddie expressed.

“Eddie, you’ve never taken too much. With everything you’re going through, I’d say you’re fully within reason to take _more_. We’re your friends. We give and take from each other all the time,” she said. Eddie sighed.

“Yeah Richie said basically the same thing,” he murmured.

“Really? Have you guys already talked about it?”

“Kinda. I asked him about how he made up with Bill, and he said they had a miscommunication and thought Bill had a crush on me. He didn’t say he was jealous but it was kind of obvious when he worded it like that, so I just let him know I wouldn’t date Bill because I don’t like him that way…and then I went on to talk about how I dunno when I’d date someone because of how much I’m going through,” he explained.

“And he basically said dude shut the fuck up, you’re a person just like the rest of us?” She guessed. Eddie bit his lip and blushed a little.

“…he said I made loving me sound like a chore…and…I dunno…he said it like he knew what it was like to love me,” Eddie murmured. Beverly was grinning with pure joy, and Eddie smiled with her before burry his face into the sheets. They smelled like her body spray.

“I don’t know what Richie is thinking all the time, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case,” she said. Eddie sighed and laid on his back.

“I just don’t want to rely too much on other people to heal. Like, yes, it’s very nice to have such supportive friends, but I don’t think a partner will solve all of my issues. I want one, and I want that support system. For the most part I have it with you guys. I just want to be able to heal myself and be okay by myself,” he rambled.

“Just because you have a partner doesn’t mean you can’t be by yourself,” Beverly said.

“I hate how right you are.”

“And, hey, you’re acknowledging that there’s no one person that can heal you. You understand that the process of recovering and moving on comes from _inside_ you. That took me _years_ of therapy to realize. I wish my therapist would’ve just fucking told me, honestly,” she went on. He chuckled and she got up to join him on the bed. “Let yourself be happy, Eds. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll bug Richie to let me visit for a couple days,” she urged.

“More like a week. I think I’ll go crazy without you,” he hummed as they laid side by side. She giggled and he joined her.

“Okay. A week…once a month.”

“Perfect.”

Telling Richie that he would accept his invitation went a lot like how Eddie expected it to. It was immediately followed by silence and a slack jaw and then a crushing hug that he wanted. Richie suddenly looked like he was on top of the world, and Eddie couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter seeing the affect he had on the other man. They had three weeks until the semester was completely over, and within those weeks Richie couldn’t seem to leave him alone. Eddie pretended to hate the attention, but it was nice to have someone in the library with him while he tried to keep up with his studies. It was harder to focus, yes because of Richie, but also because of the trauma from his mother. Both resurfacing from the past and from the recent events. He was only turning in half the homework, but luckily he was basically bulletproof until the end of the semester. Who knew all you needed to get college professors to ease up was your parent dying and becoming an orphan.

A week away from finals Eddie learned that they were driving all the way to Phoenix in Richie’s pick up truck. He was noticeably pale in the face when Richie told him that, and obsessively looked up the route they would be taking. That would officially be the longest car drive he’s ever taken, and he was a little nervous to be stuck with Richie in a car for over five hours. He planned the pit stops and bathroom breaks more than he studied for his finals, and when his finals were over they went immediately after his last test. All of his packed snacks, jugs of water and air fresheners looked completely obsolete when Richie revealed he had a six hour playlist prepared for the drive. It was six hours long to compensate for the songs that Eddie would definitely skip, and for the times Richie would be pumping the gas and Eddie would be in the car. It was so incredibly and infuriatingly thoughtful that Eddie could only bitterly throw Richie’s favorite snacks at him in response. Of course Richie fawned over the fact that Eddie knew his favorites, and that made him feel a little bit better as Richie tossed a couple sour patch kids back and then started the car.

The fist couple hours were _okay_. They weren’t great, but they were _okay_. Sometime in the middle of the third hour Eddie fell asleep, but only for about half an hour. When he woke up he was disappointed over how little time passed, and then started going through his snacks. The fourth hour is when they bickered the most. They were already in Arizona, so that last hour was really unpleasant looking. That and Eddie was getting antsy. His next testosterone shot was the next day, and he was nervous to do it outside of his dorm. They didn’t talk about if Richie’s parents would know or not about Eddie being trans, but he was usually stealth at first until he could gauge how people would react. The last hour melted away like ice cream on a sunny day, and before he knew it Richie was pulling into his parents drive way. It was a decent size, but expected from an average middle class family. Although it wasn’t exactly on the small side either.

“Honey, we’re here!” Richie announced loud and proud. Eddie groaned and quickly scrambled to get out of the car and stretch his legs.

“I hate your car so much. For a giant piece of trash, it has a devastating amount of leg room,” he complained. Richie laughed and walked around the car to hug him. Eddie was expecting a normal hug, but was clearly mistaken when Richie lifted him up and swung him back and forth to shake out his legs.

“There you go! Good as new,” he said before smacking a kiss on the top of his head. Eddie swiped at him, but smiled a little when he walked off to grab their bags from under the secured tarp and bungee chords they put in the trunk. He reached for his own bag, but Richie merely held it over his head as he walked by.

“Hey! Give me my bag, Richie!” He shouted and scrambled after him. Richie cackled from the porch and pulled out his keys again.

“Eddie spaghetti, you crack me up. You are a guest, so I carry your bags,” he said simply. Eddie rolled his eyes, but didn’t attempt to take them again as Richie unlocked the door. When they walked in Eddie was surprised to hear barking and the sound of scattering nails on hardwood. He closed the door behind them as Richie crouched down to greet the tiny dogs jumping at him.

“Oh hello Marshmallow and Spicy. It’s good to see you guys again,” Richie said in a ridiculous baby voice Eddie had never heard before. One of the dogs was white and fluffy, and the other one was so blond it was nearly orange. Richie picked up the almost ginger dog and showed him to Eddie. “This is Spicy. She doesn’t understand personal space,” he cooed as she licked at his mouth through out the entire sentence.

“That is very obvious,” Eddie noted. Richie tried to hand the dog over, but Eddie immediately refused while Marshmallow sniffed at his shoes.

“Is that my son I hear?” Someone asked. Eddie looked up to see a woman with curly hair walk around the corner. She had Richie’s eyes for sure, and when she and Richie hugged it was clear who taught him how to show affection.

“It’s good to see you, ma,” Richie said. She nodded in agreement.

“It’s good to see you too,” she said. They parted and she beamed at Eddie. “And I take it this is the friend you were talking about. Eddie, is it?” She asked coming closer. Eddie nodded and held out his hand.

“That’s me. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he greeted. She nudged his hand out of the way and hugged him just as tight as she hugged her own son.

“Please. We hug in this house,” she said and let him go. He was definitely blushing, and he could tell by the obvious chuckles Richie was failing to hide. “C’mon. Went is just finishing up on dinner.”

Having dinner with Richie and his parents went pretty close to what he was expecting. A lot of bouncing around topics, his parents embarrassing him, and Richie rambling on and on about his school year. It was a little bit embarrassing, but it took having an actual sit down dinner with Richie and his family to realize two things. One, that Richie had pretty severe ADHD, and two, that it was most likely genetic because his mother and father seemed to operate on the same exact wave length as him. It was probably obvious to their other friends. That, or it was only more obvious when Eddie was put in a situation where it was completely undeniable and he was struggling to follow everyone’s logic.

Thankfully, they all seemed fine with splitting off and doing their own things once dinner was done and cleaned up. Wentworth went to his office, and Maggie went into the living room to watch TV. Eddie followed Richie’s lead and watched TV with Maggie for a little bit, but he quickly realized Richie had no intention of actually enjoying the show and instead liked to tease his mother for the bad movies she liked. Eddie was tempted to flick him in the ear for it, but clearly his mother knew how to handle him a lot better.

“Richard, why don’t you show Eddie the guest room. Help him unpack while you’re at it,” she suggested. Eddie was expecting him to protest to keep goading her, but was surprised to see him jump to his feet and walk back to the front of the house to pick up their bags. He followed, and couldn’t help but be in awe of the woman who raised this person for over twenty-one years.

“Alright, so you have the upstairs bathroom right next to your room. It’s like that because my sister had basically a monarchy over the shower because, y’know, girls and their shower shit. Anyways, you have a giant fucking bed, and they expanded the closet for some fucking reason,” Richie rambled as he set Eddie’s bag down. 

He looked around as his friend continued blabbering, and couldn’t help but think about how much easier it would be to cuddle on this bed instead of the cramped beds back in their dorms. He blushed when his mind wandered to what other possibilities such a big and secluded bed held, and then turned to pick up his bag and start unpacking it. Richie eventually stopped talking and plopped himself down across the bed while Eddie refolded all his laundry.

“What’s the point of packing your clothes folded if you’re just going to refold them?” He asked.

“I folded them a certain way to save space in my bag, and now I’m folding them so they don’t wrinkle as much,” he said.

“If you don’t want them to wrinkle you should just hang them, right? Like that makes the most sense to me.”

“You’re so stupid,” Eddie sighed. 

Richie laughed and Eddie glanced over his shoulder to see him smiling at him much like that time he smiled at him when he woke up at the party. He felt his stomach burn when he thought about what he wanted to do next, and then walked over to press his lips to Richie’s forehead. It was a kiss, but even if it wasn’t he knew it would be enough. He pulled back and then continued his folding as Richie stayed still. Then he heard the other man sighing and had to bite back his smile while he was turned away.

“Cute…that was pretty cute. Cute cute cute. Cutest little Eddie spaghetti,” Richie mumbled to himself. Eddie raised a brow at him as he continued humming to himself and couldn’t help but laugh a little. Richie smiled up at him while laying on his back, and Eddie blushed as he held his stare.

“You’re very odd,” Eddie said.

“I’m really glad you decided to come,” Richie murmured. If he wasn’t blushing before, then hearing those words definitely did it for him. He nearly dropped the pair of shorts he had, and quickly adjusted his grip before folding it again.

“I…I’m glad you offered. Going home…would’ve been hard. I dunno if I’m gonna be ready for that any time soon,” Eddie murmured. Richie was quiet for a moment before Eddie heard the bed shuffling behind him. He didn’t try to look back when he heard the door closing, but was finally prompted to turn around when he felt Richie’s hand on his arm.

The way Richie looked at Eddie made him feel like he was the only person in the world. His eyes were so focused on Eddie as if everything else had magically disappeared around them. He looked nervous, but also eager, and Eddie could only hope he was imaging the same thing Eddie had been imagining for weeks. He leaned in, and Eddie slowly closed his eyes as he came closer and closer. He was expecting to feel a kiss on his lips, but was met with a kiss on his forehead. Everything inside him wanted to cry and groan in frustration, but he was quickly quelled when Richie cupped his jaw and the base of his skull while the kiss lingered. He then pressed their foreheads together, and Eddie curiously reached up to touch his shirt.

“Anytime…anytime you need this. I’ll give it to you. Okay?” He whispered. Eddie blinked up at him and slowly slipped his arms around his neck. He hoped Richie would get the fucking hint and kiss him on the lips, but he merely stayed there staring and stroking his cheek.

“Okay…” Eddie whispered. 

Richie smiled and leaned down again to kiss his cheek. Eddie wanted to scream in frustration, and let his arms loosen. Clearly he had no intention of actually kissing Eddie. Maybe he never wanted to, and Eddie was just misinterpreting everything. Maybe Richie just cared about him a lot…as a friend.

“I’m gonna…” Richie cleared his throat. “I’m gonna unpack my own stuff. Um…I’m just down the hall, but I’m pretty sure my room is a fucking mess from the last time I was here so…uh gimme a minute before coming over,” he said. Eddie nodded and let his arms slip off and lingered his hands on Richie’s shoulders.

“Okay…only if you promise not to take too long,” Eddie replied and kissed his cheek in return. He could see Richie was tense, and when he let go of him he could see he was definitely nervous about something.

“Of course! I can’t keep my Eddie spaghetti waiting,” he said while he backed up. He ran into his own bag, and then turned to grab it and leave the room. Eddie sighed and grabbed his phone to text Beverly.

Eddie: _I am going to murder him by the end of the summer_


	7. In which Eddie talks about blowjobs

It was embarrassing to admit, but Eddie was at the point in his pinning that he was now both daydreaming and actually dreaming about kissing Richie. It was always initiated by Richie, and they all ended with Eddie crying with pure joy. All the tension, the shitty flirting, every tender moment meant something. It meant something and Richie was showing that. He imagined his lips to always be a little chapped because he had witnessed first hand how much he bit and picked them. Still, even when they were dry they would feel amazing. Eddie has never craved anything more, and every ounce of affection made him forget all about the lack of it he got from his mother.

Speaking of his mother, he got a call from his aunts asking permission to plan her funeral. Apparently the children had ultimate say over their parents death, and Eddie was actually still in her will. He granted them permission and asked them to never call him again about her in return. The rest of the week he had a handful of phone calls to finish the process of her death. Apparently Eddie inherited her house, her ‘86 Honda, and all of her personal items and assets. The will was last updated when Eddie was two, and it was very telling that she didn’t bother to update it once she had her first stroke. Needless to say his aunts sent him rather passive aggressive texts about how to will played out. Needless to say Eddie told them he was going to sell everything and then blocked them. He didn’t want his mothers shitty car, or her shitty house. He didn’t care for her personal items. He wanted to get rid of everything that ever reminded him of her. Thankfully Richie was there with a shoulder for Eddie to cry on after that conversation.

“My parents want me to switch back to online school,” Richie said one day. 

They were about two weeks into their summer, and it had been filled with long walks to town and various cold treats. Eddie wasn’t used to such dry heat summers, but was happy to walk around in one hundred degree weather without feeling like he was wading through jello. His shirt didn’t stick to his skin for once, and it was much hotter than California was.

“Is that why they keep calling you into their room when we’re trying to hang out in the evenings?” Eddie asked as he licked his ice cream. Richie nodded and kicked one of the various rocks across the road.

“Yup. It’s getting on my nerves because I’ve told them no every time but they keep asking me to reconsider,” he said.

“Why do they want you online?”

“Cheaper tuition, closer to them, less time worried about actually going to class and all that bullshit. You’d think that, as the people who gave me ADHD, they would understand that I don’t do well in a digital classroom,” Richie said. Eddie nodded in agreement.

“It’s hard to imagine you in an online class. Do you do it for all of your college?” He asked. Richie shook his head.

“No, I went to the local community college for my undergrad and just switched to online this past school year. I wanted to move to California, but my parents wanted me to live at home to save money. Like, I get it, but I hate living here. Love my parents, but I hate living with them,” he told him.

“I think that’s pretty normal for our age, Rich. Bill and Stan kinda hate going home too. I think they’d probably agree with you about their own parents,” Eddie assured him. Richie shrugged.

“I dunno. It’s like they think I can’t fend for myself. I’m not the stupid little shit that I was in elementary school. I actually care about what I’m doing…for the most part.” That made Eddie giggle, and Richie smiled at him in that way that made his heart flutter.

“I think you care more about a lot of things then you let on,” Eddie said. Richie flung his arm around Eddie’s shoulders and held him closer.

“Eddie-baby, you wouldn’t believe the things I care about,” Richie said vaguely. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Are we near the Grand Canyon?” He asked curiously. Richie laughed.

“Honey, we’re a good three or four hours away from the Grand Canyon,” he said. Eddie pouted at that and shoved his ice cream up into Richie’s chin. “Okay, but that actually felt kinda good.”

“You’re gross,” Eddie said as Richie wiped the ice cream off and licked it off his fingers. He laughed and shoved his own ice cream into Eddie’s cheek. Then he licked it off as Eddie squealed about how slimy it was.

“God, fuck off, Richie! You’re the grossest person I’ve ever fucking met!” Eddie groaned while Richie continued until his cheek was clean. “What are you a fucking dog?”

“A _fucking_ dog? That would be awkward. Can you imagine me walking around and humping anything in sight?” He said before smacking a kiss where the ice cream was.

“Like you don’t already do that with flirting instead,” Eddie scoffed. Richie laughed at that and kissed his forehead.

“I can’t help myself. There’s too many beautiful people to appreciate.”

“I’d barely consider being called a ‘smoking hottie’ appreciative,” Eddie jabbed and started eating his ice cream again. “Now my cheek is all sticky. Gross.”

“Who did I call a smoking hottie?” Richie asked.

“ _Me_ , you idiot,” Eddie reminded him. Richie blinked. “You were high as fuck and I was at the vending machine. It was literally the first thing you ever said to me.”

“Oh…well, can you blame me? You _are_ a smoking hottie,” he said with a grin. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.”

“I’m serious. Hottest person I’ve ever seen. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Most handsome man on the planet,” Richie went on. It made Eddie blush and cross his free arm across his chest.

“You don’t have to be a dick about it, Richie,” Eddie mumbled. Richie then stopped walking and tugged on Eddie’s elbow so he would face him.

“Look, I’m not trying to be a dick, okay? I’m just saying…I feel the same now as I did when I said that. So…it wasn’t just because I say stupid shit because I’m high. It’s because you’re…you’re beautiful, Eds. I know that more now than I did back then,” Richie said sincerely. Eddie stared up at him and felt his face get hot. It wasn’t from the heat, but he wished it was. He sighed and then got up on his tip toes to kiss Richie’s cheek.

“You’re kinda beautiful too, Richie,” he said before turning and continuing the walk home. Richie took a moment to catch up with him, and once he did Eddie let his arm fall to his side. He instantly swooped in to hold hands, and Eddie smiled as they walked home together.

When they got home they had to wash their hands and their faces in the bathroom. That quickly dissolved into flicking water at each other until they had to change their shirts. Eddie wanted to change in the first place because of the sweat, but the splashing really gave him a better excuse. At least for Richie, but Richie tried to wear the same shirt for a full week before Eddie picked a new one out for him and threw it in his face. He changed his own shirt in the guest room, and then checked his phone once he was done.

Beverly: _do you have time for a call?_

He smiled and instantly tapped her contact to call her.

“Ugh, finally! I sent that text an hour ago,” she complained.

“Sorry. Richie and I were in town,” he said.

“Mm-hm, how’s it going? Are things getting more cozy between you two yet?” She asked. Eddie glanced over his shoulder to see if Richie had gotten bored and wanted to bother him, and then moved to close his door.

“Kinda…but also not really and it’s driving me crazy,” Eddie grumbled.

“Yeah? What’s up?” She questioned.

“It’s like…he’ll keep flirting with me, and it’s more than he usually flirts, but he absolutely refuses to do anything else. Like, he’ll kiss my cheek and my head, but he won’t kiss _me_ ,” he told her.

“Well, if I know anything about Richie, it’s that he’s kind of a fucking coward when it comes to that kinda stuff. We made out like once or twice and I think he was only comfortable with it because he didn’t actually like me that way. That and I initiated it so…yeah,” Beverly said.

“So _I_ have to do it. Great,” Eddie sighed.

“Why not? Take charge! Kiss him on the mouth! Suck his dick! Tell him he’s groovy. I dunno. Richie sometimes just needs a nudge to know he’s going in the right direction. You know that,” Beverly reminded him.

“Ew, suck his dick?”

“You’ve sucked dick before, Eds. Don’t get all sheltered innocent kid on me. That stopped being applicable when you had your first drunk make out session in freshmen year,” she scolded. Eddie blushed and then shook his head.

“Making out with a stranger when I’m drunk is very different from offering my best friend, that I’m basically in love with, a _blowjob_ ,” he whispered the last part feeling embarrassed that she even mentioned it.

“Then a handjob! I dunno. Offer to make sweet love to him. Ask to suck on his fingers. Anything you offer he will go nuts over,” she rambled.

“I don’t know why I bother asking you for relationship advice. You just now got into your first actual successful relationship and you’re with the human embodiment of perfection,” Eddie groaned. Beverly laughed.

“Isn’t he great? He’s coming over this weekend,” she said happily. Eddie smiled.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Bevvy,” he said sincerely.

“Thanks, Eds…I hope things work themselves out over there with you guys. Something is bound to happen. I bet you’ll get your kiss by the end of the summer,” she said.

“I hope so. I’ll talk to you later though. Richie is probably camped out in his room waiting for me to yell at him to do something,” he said. She laughed.

“Okay. Give him a swift punch in the gut for me.”

“Will do. Bye, Bev. I love you.”

“I love you too, Eddie. Bye.”

Sure enough, Eddie’s prediction was correct. Richie was laying on his bed scrolling through his phone with his dirty shirt on the floor. The only thing Eddie wasn’t expecting was for him to be completely topless instead of changed into fresh clothes. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and threw his shirt into the hamper.

“Where’s your clothes, Richie? You can’t just be half naked all day,” he said and walked over to his dresser. Richie merely groaned and set his phone to the side.

“But it’s so _hooooot_ , Eds. I’m burning up. I think I’ll die if I put a shirt on,” he groaned dramatically. Eddie rolled his eyes and threw a teeshirt on his chest. He pretended to moan in agony and tossed it to the side. Then he laid himself out as if he was dying and Eddie rolled his eyes and he crawled onto the bed to lightly smack his fist into his belly. “Oof.”

“That’s from Bev, by the way,” he said.

“Oh how it Bevvy-wevvy doing? I miss that girl,” Richie hummed.

“She’s good. Ben is going to spend the weekend with her,” he replied. Richie smiled.

“That’s cute. Just a weekend together. We have the whole summer together,” he pointed out. 

Eddie blushed as he realized Richie was making a parallel between them and an actual couple. He took that acknowledgement to be bold and crawl closer to lean on Richie’s chest. Of course he was instantly greeted with Richie wrapping his arm around his shoulders, but he hesitated for a moment before laying his arm across Richie’s chest like he normally would. Feeling his bare skin instead of his shirt made him feel a little nervous, but he liked it.

“Do you like blowjobs?” Eddie blurted. He didn’t know why he actually asked Richie about anything relating to blowjobs. All he knew was that it kept circling his brain ever since Beverly mentioned it. That and Eddie knew he was fairly decent at them, so it would be to his advantage if Richie liked them. He was met with nervous laughter.

“Geez, that sounds like a loaded question. Do I _like_ blowjobs? I dunno, do I need air to breathe?” He retorted. Eddie rolled his eyes and lightly smacked his chest.

“I dunno. Beverly was talking about blowjobs, and I’ve never had one,” he said.

“Wait, really?” Richie asked. Eddie looked up at him and found him genuinely confused.

“I don’t have a dick, Richie. How would I be able to receive a blow job?” He deadpanned. Richie blushed, and it was satisfying seeing his cheeks glow red instead for once.

“Oh, right. I dunno. I didn’t want to assume,” he said. Eddie smiled.

“You didn’t want to assume I didn’t have a dick?” He questioned. Richie looked away and shrugged.

“Look, what’s in your pants is none of my business unless you want it to be. I’m just here for the cuddles,” he said. Eddie bit his lip and moved a little closer. He moved his hand up Richie’s chest and traced around his collarbones as he pressed his lips to his shoulder. It wasn’t a kiss, and for the first time it didn’t feel enough. He wanted more. He wanted everything. He wanted Richie.

“It can be your business…I wouldn’t mind if it was your business,” Eddie spoke so gently he could just barley see the goose bumps on Richie’s skin.

“Okay…uh…sure. It can be my business,” he agreed. Eddie then actually kissed his shoulder, and then moved up to kiss his neck. The arm around him slipped down to his waist, and Eddie nuzzled his face under Richie’s ear. “So are we gonna start doing weekly business emails about your junk, or did I read this wrong?” Richie asked. Eddie bursted out laughing and tried to muffle it into Richie’s pillow. His friend was laughing too, and he pulled Eddie more on top of him to wrap him up in a hug.

“That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard,” Eddie wheezed. Richie continued laughing with him, and buried his face into Eddie’s hair.

“You’ll check your inbox and you’ll see your most recent email from me. Titled ‘this last quarter’, with an ellipsis of course, and it’s just a detailed email asking how it’s doing. How’s the humidity? Need any supplies? Any action down there?” Richie went on. Eddie laughed harder and pushed himself up to glare down at him. It wasn’t as annoyed as he wanted it to be, but that was mostly because he couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot.

“The humidity? What do you think it is? Do you think it has its own ecosystem and shit?”

“I dunno! I mean I’ve messed around with…y’know, those parts, but other than that I have no idea! I don’t own one myself,” he replied. Eddie giggled at that and tucked his head under Richie’s chin.

“You’re so stupid. Oh my god,” he sighed. Richie chuckled and kissed the top of his head.

“I’m only stupid to make you laugh,” he hummed. 

Eddie took a moment to fully process that and kissed his jaw in returned. That was met with a kiss on his temple, and he moved up to kiss Richie’s cheek. Richie kissed his cheek back, and Eddie kissed his forehead. He received a kiss on his nose in retaliation and he wrinkled it in response. Richie chuckled, and Eddie hesitated before kissing his nose as well. He waited for Richie to make he next move, and bit his lip as the other man stared at his face. It was more like he was staring at his mouth, but sometimes he’d look up at his eyes. He then cupped the back of Eddie’s head, and he let go of his bottom lip as Richie leaned forward. To his dismay, Richie only kissed the corner of his mouth, but when they lingered there he was happy to feel another kiss over half his lips.

“Is this okay?” Richie whispered. Eddie nodded and finally felt himself break as he took Richie’s face in his hands and kissed him square on the lips. When he pulled away he was instantly tugged back in, and he practically melted as Richie kissed him hard and firm on the mouth. Months of wanting nothing else but to feel Richie’s mouth on his made his body flood with euphoria, and he felt himself nearly go limp as Richie pressed another kiss.

“Mmh…Richie,” Eddie sighed when he pulled back. He pressed more kisses to Eddie’s cheek, but Eddie merely redirected him back to his lips and eagerly kissed him back. It was mind numbing how good it felt to finally kiss Richie, and just as he was about to shift and move to get a better angle there was a knock at Richie’s doorway. They instantly broke apart and Eddie scrambled to the other side of the bed. Maggie stood in the door way with a smile on her face and her hand on her hip.

“Just wanted to ask you two if you have a preference for dinner. Went wants to flip some burgers, but we have hot dogs too,” she said.

“Burgers are fine. Right, Eds?” Richie said. Eddie nodded.

“Yeah. Burgers,” he said quietly. Maggie nodded.

“Gotcha. I’ll come up again when it’s ready. Richard, please put a shirt on,” she said.

“I told him to put one on!” Eddie agreed and got off the bed to pick up the discarded fabric. He flung it back in Richie’s face and crossed his arms in frustration. Maggie laughed and then left.

“You wound me. And here I thought you were liking me without a shirt,” Richie smirked as he held the garment over his chest. Eddie blushed.

“Your lack of a shirt has nothing to do with what just happened. It would’ve happened either way,” he insisted.

“So you planned that, huh?” Richie questioned wiggling his eyebrows. His whole face must’ve been red because it definitely felt like it was burning.

“N-no! I just…ugh. I hate you,” he sighed before starting to walk away.

“Whoa whoa, hold up, spaghetti,” Richie said hopping out of bed and catching up to him. He stopped him before he could make it to his door, and Eddie begrudgingly let Richie turn him to face him. It felt like a mistake when he realized how close they were, but he ultimately loved it as Richie’s arms instantly made their way around his waist. “It’s alright. I mean…I have no complaints. Do you?”

“ _I_ kissed you first, dumbass,” Eddie reminded him.

“What? No I kissed you first. It was just little,” Richie argued.

“You kissed _half_ of my mouth. That doesn’t count,” Eddie insisted.

“Yeah, but it was still your mouth,” Richie said.

“That’s not a real kiss though! You didn’t even—“ Eddie was cut off when Richie swooped down to kiss him fully on the lips. It was just as firm and crushing as the first one, and Eddie’s knees felt like jello.

“You’re so cute,” Richie sighed when the kiss ended. Eddie shook his head and reached up to kiss Richie back.

“You’re stupid,” he murmured between kisses. Richie smiled against his mouth, and Eddie touched down his still bare chest.

“Mmh…to answer your question though, I _love_ blowjobs,” Richie murmured. Eddie still felt embarrassed that he asked that question, and quickly pulled away to leave him. “Eds, I can’t kiss you and walk at the same time!” he groaned.

“Good,” Eddie replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heehee they kiss :0


	8. In which Eddie gives a blowjob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut happens here!! Very fun very exciting lol

“What are you gonna do with your house?” Richie asked.

They were in the battered old hammock he had in his backyard. It was clearly from his childhood, and only fit under half of the tree. Marshmallow and Spicy were sun bathing nearby remaining as quiet as the usually did. The shade only covered their faces, and the rest of their backyard had patches of yellow in the green. It had thin spots, dense spots, and neglected piles of dog shit. Wentworth clearly didn’t care to clean up his back lawn. Maggie was only interested in her garden, and he couldn’t really blame her for not giving a shit about the grass. He yawned and shifted his cheek against Richie’s chest.

“I dunno. Definitely sell it, but I don’t know how much of her shit is stacked in there. I kinda wanna sell it to someone who wants to renovate it so I don’t have to deal with it,” he replied.

“How much do you think it’s worth?”

“Mmm…like maybe one fifty? Not a lot. It’s been paid off since I graduated, so it couldn’t have been that expensive.”

“Still, a hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot. You could go to Europe,” Richie said.

“What the hell is in Europe?” Eddie grumbled. Richie shrugged and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I dunno. It’s just an option,” he hummed. Eddie lifted his head to look at him and they smiled for a second before Eddie crawled up to kiss him on the lips.

Not a lot had changed between them except when they cuddled they occasionally kissed from time to time. Sometimes Eddie initiated it. A lot of the times Richie initiated it. Either way, it filled Eddie with joy as he achieved a level of physical affection he never thought he would love so much. Sometimes he forced Richie to brush his teeth before going in. He groaned and complained the whole time, but once he came back it was definitely worth it. They didn’t really talk about blowjobs again, and there was only a couple times they actually made out instead of just sharing sweet kisses. Eddie figured it was because neither of them wanted to discuss how far they wanted to go, but he was starting to piece it together after hearing what Richie had to say next.

“My parents are going to the opry tonight…so we’ll be home alone,” he said. Eddie blinked.

“What the hell is an opry?” He asked. Richie laughed and pushed his hair back.

“It’s like a little concert thing. It’s retired country hillbilly shit, and they don’t like to take me because I talk in a terrible southern accent. I’ve offended many people over the years,” Richie said. Eddie giggled hearing that and leaned his head to the side.

“Okay…so we’ll be alone tonight,” he repeated. Richie nodded and nervously but his lip.

“Yeah, uh…it goes pretty late too, so…uh…I mean, they go out pretty often during the summer. So, we’ll have plenty of other…opportunities for…uh…”

“Opportunities for what?” Eddie asked with a knowing smirk. Richie blushed and leaned his head back against the hammock.

“Gee, Eds, what do you fucking think?” He sighed. Eddie licked his lips and moved up again to kiss Richie’s neck.

“Depends. What are you thinking of?” He hummed while pressing slow kisses up his neck. Richie took a deep breath and settled his hands on Eddie’s hips.

“Oooh, I don’t know if you wanna know _half_ of what I’m thinking of,” Richie murmured. Eddie lingered his lips and kissed under his ear.

“Then start with a little bit. What do you want to do tonight?” Eddie prompted.

“What do _you_ wanna do tonight,” Richie shot back. Eddie could tell he was grinning like an idiot and flicked his ear in retaliation. “Ah! Fuck.”

“Don’t be a fucking idiot. Just tell me what you want,” Eddie said before kissing him on the lips again. Richie kissed him back, and then gently ran his fingers across his cheek.

“I could just do this all night,” he murmured. Eddie chuckled, and Richie fully cupped the side of his head. His thumb stroked his skin gently, and Eddie pulled him off to kiss his knuckles.

“Is that all you want to do? We can if that’s all you want,” he said. Richie watched his lips brush against his fingers and held his chin for him to touch his lips with his thumb.

“I mean…I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable…” 

“Try me,” Eddie said. He turned his head to kiss Richie’s palm, and smiled at the way he was able to capture his attention so intensely.

“If you want…we could…I dunno…fool around a little? Nothing too like…y’know. We can keep our clothes on, but…fuck, I dunno, Eds. You’re giving me a semi right now,” Richie groaned as he gave up and Eddie giggled loudly.

“How? I’m just kissing you,” Eddie murmured and kissed the inside of his wrist.

“You say that as if that’s not something to be excited about. Also you’re kissing me while we are discussing the possibility of copulating tonight,” he replied. Eddie laughed again and kissed his jaw instead.

“Is the only reason you haven’t suggested this before because you don’t want your parents walking in?” He asked.

“Okay, listen. Maggie Tozier has the eyes and the ears of a _hawk_. If we so much as get a tiny bit frisky she will know about it if she’s in the house,” Richie said. Eddie smiled hearing that.

“So…if we were alone in our dorms…”

“I definitely would’ve made a move already. I’m not a saint, Eds. I just don’t wanna fuck around when my parents are nearby,” he confirmed.

“Damn. I guess it sucks that we’re not in our dorms then,” he hummed.

“Don’t remind me,” Richie scoffed. Eddie frowned hearing how irritated he became and pushed himself up to look down at him.

“Did I say something wrong?” He asked. Richie shook his head and rubbed his forehead.

“No, I just…god, this stupid trapped feeling is why I ran away in the first place. Yes, my parents are very nice people, it’s understandable that my parents want to know what’s going on in my life, but I _hate_ talking to them and telling them about it. Half the reason I didn’t come out to them was because I didn’t think it was any of their fucking business who I wanted to stick my dick into, y’know? They’re just so… _invasive_ sometimes. I can’t do anything without being looked at a certain way. I hate it,” he ranted. Eddie nodded in understanding and wrapped his arms around Richie to comfort him. Richie hugged him back and pressed his lips to the top of his head.

“That’s not fair to you, Richie. You deserve privacy,” he murmured. Richie stroked his spine, and Eddie nuzzled his neck.

“I mean…I’m an _adult_. Who cares if I have sex in their house? They probably have sex too. Like, ew it’s gross, but I’m not gonna harass them if they have sex. I don’t see it or hear it, so it’s whatever. Why is it like…such a bad thing if I’m _making out_ in my bedroom?” He went on.

“Is that why we’re making out in a hammock?” Eddie questioned. Richie chuckled.

“Kind of. They hate the backyard.”

“Fuck it. Let’s have sex on the hammock then,” Eddie joked. Richie laughed loudly and shook his head.

“God, this old thing would snap the minute we got started,” he wheezed. Eddie laughed with him and kissed him again. Because that was enough.

Sure enough, right around six thirty, Maggie and Wentworth Tozier were dressed and getting ready to leave. Eddie and Richie were sitting at a respectful distance from each other on the couch as Richie’s mother pulled out her car keys. They told them where they were going and how late they were going to be and to not wait up for them to head to bed. Eddie nodded while he snacked on the apple he’s been eating for the past twenty minutes. Richie wasn’t paying much attention as he watched the show he put on to waste time waiting for them to leave. Still, they took their time, and when they finally left Eddie could tell he was on edge. It was kind of amusing to observe, but when Richie turned off the TV he was reminded that he was actually a little bit nervous too.

Luckily Eddie had just finished his apple, so he stood up to discard the core in the trash. They were silent as Eddie moved around the house, and when he returned he sat a little bit closer. Richie cleared his throat, and Eddie tucked his knees under his chin. It was a little bit awkward now too. The tension was much more loose when they were kissing on the hammock talking about this. Now that it was about to happen Eddie felt so tight he was going to suffocate.

“We uh…we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Richie said. Eddie turned his head to look at him and frowned.

“What makes you think I don’t want to?” He asked. Richie shrugged.

“I dunno…I mean, we haven’t talked much about it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything. I’m not…I’m not just trying to get into your pants,” he explained.

“I didn’t think you were,” Eddie assured him. Richie sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“That…that means a lot to me that you know that. Like, I know I can be a real fucking asshole sometimes, but…when Bill said that, it fucking infuriated me,” he murmured. Eddie nodded in agreement.

“Bill sometimes convinces himself that he’s the protagonist of some horror novel and he constantly has to save his friends. It’s narcissistic as fuck, but we all love him despite it.”

“He apologized for it, but sometimes I think about it and I…I’m trying my best to not make you uncomfortable,” Richie said.

“Richie, you’ve never made me uncomfortable. If you ever did it was an accident and it wasn’t that bad. Bill is just sensitive, okay? I’d tell you if I was uncomfortable,” he replied. Richie looked over at him and Eddie took his hand.

“Okay…um, also uh…I’ve never been with a trans person before, so…when I was asking what you wanted to do it was less of a joke and more of like…letting you know that anything you want or don’t want is perfectly fine. I see you for who you are, and if you want to be completely clothed or butt-ass naked it’s all up to you,” Richie rambled nervously. Eddie smiled at that and crawled over to kiss his cheek.

“That’s very sweet of you, Richie,” he whispered gently. 

Richie turned his head to smile at him, and Eddie sat himself perfectly in front of him. He turned himself and leaned in to kiss his cheek in return before lingering and kissing his lips. It was like a balloon slowly deflating. All the tension and stress was thinning out, and it was replaced with the reminder that they both in fact wanted this. Long fingers reached up to hold Eddie’s face, and then immediately carded through his hair when he hummed in approval. Their lips continued against each other, and Eddie could only merely sit there as Richie kissed him harder. Eventually there was tongue, and Eddie hummed again before gently nibbling on Richie’s lip. The other man was leaning so far into him, and it made him smile as he slipped his arms around Richie’s neck.

When it came to more intimate settings, Eddie had never done something that felt so important. He’s made out with plenty of people, even given oral a few times, but he’s never felt such a full body experience. Every inch of him tingled with excitement when Richie touched his waist, and he simply craved for their bodies to touch as much as possible. His mouth quickly becoming incessant the harder Eddie breathed against it. Their hearts racing as Richie kissed his jaw and neck for a break, and all the blood rushing to Eddie’s groin the second he started to suck and lick at his skin.

“Richie…oh…” he moaned as he gripped his shirt.

That must’ve triggered something in Richie because Eddie found himself being pulled closer and then laid on his back.  
Richie nosed his jaw and nibbled his ear while he touched Eddie in a way that was obviously to restrain himself. It was like he was pulling a punch, and Eddie didn’t like it at all. He cupped his friend’s face, and guided him back to his lips. Of course he followed and Eddie made a little noise to show how much he liked it when Richie did things to him. That resulted in Richie’s hands running up his hips and touching his waist. It made Eddie feel so powerful and compact. Anything he did was met with a direct reaction from Richie, and he loved it.

It all felt like a conversation without words. Eddie would moan or hum, and Richie would touch him more. That would make Eddie feel even better and he’d make sure to show it so he could nudge him on. He was hovered between Eddie’s knees, and he wanted nothing more than to feel his body pressed against him. He wanted that contact, that heat, that comfort. He craved it the second Richie touched him for the first time, and there was very little he wouldn’t do to try and get it.

“Richie…” he sighed.

“Yes, baby?” Richie rasped as he kissed down Eddie’s neck. The gravel in his voice made Eddie moan a little and try to pull him down.

“I wanna feel you. Please, I want you to touch me,” he whispered. Richie groaned and stood on shaky knees.

“Eds…honey, I’m like crazy hard right now,” he told him. Eddie loved hearing that, and went as far as to wrap his legs around his waist to tempt him some more.

“Yeah? Are you turned on?” He asked breathlessly. Richie nodded and buried his face into Eddie’s neck while he continued to resist. “I am too. I like it when you touch me.”

“The problem is I don’t wanna stop,” Richie wheezed while rubbing his thumb against Eddie’s clothed waist. He sighed and pushed up his own shirt before guiding Richie’s hands back to his bare skin.

“Then don’t…don’t stop, please. Richie, I need you to touch me,” he cooed. Richie groaned and almost dug his nails in as he slid his hands up and down his sides.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking soft. So fucking tiny,” he murmured. Eddie hummed with approval, and desperately pulled his face back up to kiss him.

“Touch me more. Touch me…touch me everywhere,” Eddie whimpered. Richie groaned and ran his hand down to his hips. He then smoothed down his bare legs until he reached the hem of his shorts, and made Eddie moan a little louder. “Fuck…”

“Jesus Christ,” Richie huffed. Eddie pushed on his lower back harder with his heels, and Richie groaned while he smothered his cheeks and neck in kisses.

“More…please, Richie. Baby, touch me. Touch me and make me feel good,” he urged. Richie moved both hands to touch his hip bones, and Eddie impatiently moved one between his legs. The second he felt the pressure through his clothes against his throbbing groin he moaned loudly again. His head fell back and he held Richie’s wrist to show him how hard he should be touching him. It only took him a moment before he was moaning again, and he moved his hips with their hands.

“Fucking Christ, baby you look so hot,” Richie huffed. 

Eddie hummed in appreciation and let go of his hand to pull him down for another kiss. It wasn’t much of a kiss because he couldn’t stop moaning and gasping in his mouth as his fingers worked harder against him. Richie only seemed to want to watch him, and that made Eddie blush and cover part of his face. That made Richie pull his hands away and kiss all the places that were hidden. Eddie whimpered from how sweet it was, and returned his arms around his neck. 

“Mmh…Richie please. I want you to feel good too,” he cooed while trying to push his hips down against his again.

“Honey, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Richie murmured.

“I _want_ this though,” Eddie argued.

“Eds, I’m just going to be rubbing my dick against you,” he huffed.

“I want that. Please. You can do that. I want to feel good together,” he tempted. Richie groaned loudly as he buried his face in Eddie’s neck again. “Please…please, baby. I wanna feel you. I wanna feel your dick. Fuck me. Fuck me with it,” he whispered against his ear. Richie moaned hearing that, and weakly gave in to Eddie’s begging. He slowly lowered his hips, and Eddie gasped when he felt the bulge in his pants replace his hand.

“Fuck… _fuck_ ,” Richie whimpered.

“Yes…oh god…Richie,” Eddie moaned.

“I’m gonna cum in my fucking pants, oh my god,” he wheezed. Eddie couldn’t help but giggle at that, but it was quickly interrupted by another moan.

“At least we’re not in a zombie movie,” he said. That caught Richie’s attention and he frowned.

“What?”

“That time we went to the movies? You were being stupid and asked if I thought there would be a sex scene in a zombie movie,” Eddie reminded him. Richie sat back completely and that made Eddie frown. “No come back,” he demanded, but Richie was too busy failing to hold back his laughter.

“Eds, you can’t just say funny things when you’re rubbing on my _dick_ , I can’t appreciate how fucking hilarious it is,” he cackled. Eddie smiled and laughed a little too. His giggles tempted Richie back down, and he laughed harder when Richie tickled him with kisses.

“Oh my god! This is a fucking disaster,” he grinned.

“If this is the wrong way to have sex then I don’t wanna be right,” Richie said. Eddie took his face and then kissed him on the lips.

“I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I saw you,” Richie whispered against his lips. Eddie blushed and then merely kissed him again, only harder to show he felt the same. Before they could get much farther Richie’s phone went off. He groaned out of annoyance and reached into his pocket to answer it.

“Hello?”

“We’re coming home early. The theme is off and your mother doesn’t like the blues,” Wentworth’s voice came from Richie’s phone. Richie bit his lip and tightened his grip on his phone.

“Gotcha. When can I expect ya, old man?” He asked.

“Oh about a half an hour. Your mother is in the bathroom,” he answered.

“Okay. Thanks for letting me know,” Richie sighed.

“Of course. It’s totally not to make sure we don’t walk in on anything we shouldn’t,” Went said. Richie clenched his jaw, and Eddie frowned before gently kissing it.

“Dunno what you mean by that, but sure. See you in thirty,” he said before hanging up. He tossed his phone to the side and groaned loudly into the couch cushions.

“Richie?”

“I’m hard and my parents are coming home,” he whined. Eddie bit his lip and sat up to pull Richie off the couch.

“God, fucking move you big baby,” he mumbled. Richie let himself be moved, and Eddie pushed him down to lay across the couch. He continued his dead fish act until he felt Eddie push up his shirt and looked down in time to watch him kiss down his stomach.

“Whoa there, Eddie spaghetti! What’s the sitch?” He asked holding him back by his forehead.

“Ow, fuck off,” he groaned and pushed Richie’s hand off him.

“What part of ‘I’m hard and my parents are coming home’ did you not get?”

“The part where you fix it. Just shut up and let me blow you. You won’t be fucking hard anymore,” Eddie snapped. Richie was bright red and was speechless for the first time since they met. That made Eddie smile a little before continuing his kisses down Richie’s tummy.

He undid Richie’s jeans while nuzzling against his snail trail, and smiled again when he heard Richie make various noises of content and surprise. Then he tucked the zipper under his jeans, and reached in to squeeze him through the fabric. It was always entertaining for Eddie to watch the person he was giving a blow job. He liked watching how fast their bodies moved with their heavy breathing, and he liked watching Richie the most. All he did was press his tongue against him through his boxers, and Richie was hiding his face in his hands. Then he pulled him out completely, and giggled when Richie yelped.

“It’s just me, Rich,” Eddie cooed and licked his hand before taking him and stroking him. Richie moaned and finally moved to peak down between his legs. Eddie smiled at him and held his eyes as he licked the head. He moaned again, and Eddie took his head in his mouth while he continued to watch and pant.

“Fuck, you look so good like that,” Richie murmured. Eddie gave a cheeky smile before rolling his tongue around the head.

“Lucky me you like blowjobs,” Eddie said. Richie groaned in annoyance, and then groaned louder with pleasure when Eddie took him deeper. 

It really didn’t matter how deep he took him because all Richie needed to cum was a couple flutters of Eddie’s eyelashes. He gave a little bit of a warning, but ultimately let his head hang back as he came with less than enough warning. Eddie still took it, and successfully kept the cum in his mouth as he let Richie’s dick slid out past his lips. He swallowed it, his least favorite part, and then stuffed Richie back in his pants to zip him up. Richie was still passed out when Eddie sat up, and when he did come to he was instantly greeted with a kiss.

“Fuck, we should clean up,” he sighed.

“Clean up what?” Eddie hummed as he kissed Richie’s cheek.

“Didn’t I like cum all over the place? I swear I’ve never cum that fucking hard before,” he mumbled. Eddie laughed and kissed his lips.

“Did you miss the part where you came in my mouth?” He asked. Richie blinked at him with wide eyes, and Eddie smiled before kissing him again.

“What the fuck did I do to deserve you?” He asked.

“Nothing. I just like you,” Eddie answered. Richie smiled at that.

“I like you too, Eds,” he said sincerely. Eddie blushed and looked away.

“Well, I hope you like me enough to realize you owe me one now. My shorts are very uncomfortable now, and I didn’t even get to cum,” he said pointedly. Richie chuckled and sat up to kiss his cheek.

“How about…I sneak into your room tonight…we lock the door…and I’ll make you cum as much as you want,” Richie murmured trailing kisses to his lips. Eddie was already getting worked up again and he sighed.

“I don’t know why you’d think of doing anything else tonight,” Eddie murmured. Richie grinned and kissed him firmly on the lips.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, honey.”


	9. In which Richie makes noodles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smut but next chapter will be more plot based

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie receives oral sex in this chapter. Warning for anyone w bottom dysphoria, but I always try to write sex with trans characters in the least triggering way as possible (I am a trans man myself, so I understand if this makes some people uncomfortable)

“Eddie, why the fuck haven’t we called each other in over a month?” Beverly asked. Eddie had his phone sat against the wall on FaceTime while he washed his face. He had another ice cream fight with Richie, but this time he was washing off only his spit because it ended with a make out session that licked off all the ice cream.

“I imagine we got busy. And by busy I mean Ben has been over every weekend, and Richie’s parents go to a lot of oprys,” Eddie said.

“What the hell is an opry?”

“I dunno. It’s a fucking hillbilly thing,” Eddie sighed as he dried his face off with a towel.

“Anyways. How are you? I miss you. Is everything okay? Any emotional turmoil I can help with, or has Richie replaced me?” She asked. Eddie rolled his eyes at his camera and smiled at his red headed friend.

“Richie could never replace you. As for emotional turmoil, I’m kinda just pretending nothing happened and letting my moms realtor take care of selling the house. I’ve had to yell at like a bunch of people to call my aunts instead. They actually give a shit about her,” he said. It was the first he’s really talked about his mom in a while, and he didn’t miss it.

“I’m sorry, honey. The good thing is that once her funeral and memorial are over the calls will most likely stop,” she pointed out. He sighed and nodded.

“That’s true,” he agreed.

“What time is it over there? Are you getting ready for bed?” She asked sounding confused.

“Uh it’s one oh three, and no. I’m not getting ready for bed. I’m washing Richie’s spit off my face,” he told her.

“Oh my god! You haven’t updated me! Did you get your kiss?” She asked excitedly. Eddie blushed and nervously played with the towel.

“Uh…I kinda got more than a kiss,” he admitted. She grinned wide and excited.

“Tell me _everything._ ”

“I mean…I dunno. It’ll be easier to tell you everything when we get back next month,” he said. It hit him as the words left his mouth that they were all returning for their senior year next month. That meant another road trip with Richie, but with a much different context. So much more privacy. Such easy access. Not even in a sexual way. Eddie just wanted to share a bed with him without his parents knocking and saying goodnight in a pointed tone. He just wanted to be with Richie.

“Fuck, we’re really going back next month,” she sighed. He nodded.

“Oh, I gave him a blowjob,” he said nonchalantly. Beverly blinked at him with wide eyes,

“Um, excuse me? Did I just hear what I think I heard, mister Edward ‘ew blowjobs’ Kaspbrak?”

“I didn’t do it right away! There was time between the first kiss and the first blowjob,” Eddie replied defensively.

“Wait, _first_ kiss? Implying that there are other kisses to talk about?” She asked. Eddie’s blush only got worse the longer they talked.

“Maybe…”

“Eds! You gotta try this. I put sriracha and goldfish crackers in my ramen. It tastes like everything my five year old brain wanted to eat,” Richie said as he barged into the bathroom. “Oh hey, Bevvy,” he said casually before offering Eddie a bite from his fork.

“Hi Richie!”

“I think I’ve had enough of your spit on me today, thanks,” Eddie grumbled.

“Apparently you _like_ his spit on you,” Beverly said.

“Oh my god, shut up,” he hissed.

“Ha! Like I didn’t know that. I know what you like, Eddie spaghetti. One of those things you like are these noodles,” he said still offering his food.

“How do you come up with this stupid shit?” Eddie sighed as he gave in and took the fork. He _was_ curious how it tasted.

“I don’t know. I don’t even remember making this,” Richie replied.

“I love dissociating cooking! I never know what I’m going to make,” Beverly said. Richie nodded in agreement and smiled while Eddie chewed.

“Wait, why is that good?” He asked and took another bite.

“That’s what I’m saying!” Richie said. Beverly laughed, and Eddie slurped some of his noodles. He then looked up and was greeted with a kiss. His face got hot and he wiped his mouth as he looked away.

“That was kinda cute. I’ll let this happen, but only if Eddie and I can gossip about your kissing skills behind your back,” Beverly said.

“I dunno if it’s a fair comparison, miss Marsh. I hate to say it, but I was not putting in full effort in the times we were being frisky kitties. Also, we only made out when we got high and I was definitely thinking about Eds the whole time,” Richie said. Eddie snorted at that, and Beverly shrugged.

“Okay, that’s fair. I bet Eddie is a good kisser though,” she replied.

“I’m right here, y’know? You can always ask,” Eddie grumbled and fully took Richie’s bowl from him.

“And he would lie to you and say he was okay. He’s more than okay. He’s amazing. Best kisses I’ve ever received in my life,” Richie said and leaned his elbows on the counter to see Beverly better.

“You’re so fucking biased,” Eddie murmured with food in his mouth.

“Maybe! But I am a man of my word, and my word is: Eddie kisses are top tier kisses,” he insisted. Eddie rolled his eyes and set the half eaten bowl on the counter.

“I’ll call you later. I don’t want Richie to say any more embarrassing things just to get my attention,” he said. Beverly laughed and nodded.

“Okay, sounds good. I should call Ben back anyways. I totally hung up on him for you,” she said. Eddie smiled at that.

“Good to know I’m more important than your boyfriend,” he teased.

“You know it! Love ya, Eds. Talk to you later,” she grinned.

“Love you too. Bye.”

“Bye Bevvy!” Richie said before Eddie hung up. He set his phone down and sat on the counter before taking the bowl back to continue eating.

“Are you really going to let me eat all your food?” Eddie asked. Richie smiled and smoothed his hands over Eddie’s knees.

“For this view? Fuck yeah,” he nodded. Eddie rolled his eyes and held a forkful of noodles for Richie to eat. He accepted, and then noisily slurped them up. It made Eddie giggle, and Richie smiled.

“You’re gross,” he said. 

Richie stepped closer between his legs, and touched further up his thighs. He was wearing his shortest pair of shorts because it was the hottest day yet. August was just beginning, and Eddie had never felt such heat before. When they were inside it was fine, but once they stepped outside he couldn’t bear to be in more than a teeshirt and track shorts. He set down the bowl so Richie could come even closer, and smiled when he felt lips against his neck.

“I like these. Very much Richie approved,” he murmured under Eddie’s ear. He hummed in response and touched Richie’s chest as his fingers drifted to the hem of his shorts.

“Maybe I should wear them more often then,” he said. Richie smiled against his jaw, and then bit his lip as he finally slipped his hands under the fabric and unabashedly grabbed his ass. 

It took them a moment to get used to touching each together. Of course it didn’t help that Richie’s parents hovered more when his mother caught them kissing. Still, they were young and horny. They found ways to get little moments of privacy long enough to explore a little bit. It wasn’t anywhere near the amount they knew they would be able to when they returned to campus, but it was better than nothing. 

That one night, when Eddie first gave Richie a blowjob, they couldn’t do much more than heavy petting. For some reason Richie’s parents had their lights on until two in the morning, so they were both too scared to take their clothes off. Luckily they didn’t need to in order to have some fun, but they were constantly scared of getting caught and tried to be quiet the whole time. They were more successful when his parents went to dinner with friends then anything else. Still, even then, they didn’t take off any more than their shirts and undoing their pants. If they couldn’t put it back on within five seconds, then they wouldn’t bother. That being said, Eddie’s biggest wish in that moment was for his shorts to simply disappear. Richie’s hands felt so big, and he easily filled his fingers like they were meant to grab him like that. He tried to stay quite while his friend pressed sweet kisses to his neck, but failed when he squeezed him and sucked at the same time.

“ _Oh_ …” Eddie sighed. He grabbed Richie’s shoulders, and let his eyes close to enjoy the feeling.

“Yeah?” Richie grinned.

“Like you don’t know what you’re doing. The doors open, Rich. We’re gonna get caught,” he huffed. 

The other man pulled his head away to look at the door, and then left to close it and lock it. Eddie blushed hearing the click, and tried not to instantly open himself up for Richie to take. Instead he merely stayed still as his friend returned, and clenched his jaw when he came back twice as intense. He touched him and then pushed their bodies together as close as they could. Then he kissed him straight on the lips, and Eddie couldn’t help but moan in approval. It was quiet, but it was enough to spur Richie on. He pulled Eddie’s legs to lock around his waist, and touched under his shirt instead of his shorts. It was all welcomed, and Eddie rolled his hips forward to itch the scratch Richie was giving him. Richie groaned feeling his body move like that, so Eddie did it again and gasped when a hand slipped between his legs.

“You’re the hottest fucking person I’ve ever seen,” Richie murmured while rubbing against Eddie’s shorts. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t think of words to say. All he could do was moan and tilt his head back while he moved his hips with Richie’s hand.

“Fuck…ahh…”

“Does that feel good, sweetheart?” Richie cooed. Eddie closed his mouth and blushed bright red.

“Richie, your parents are upstairs,” he reminded him.

“Then I guess we should stay quiet then, huh?” Richie said with a grin. 

Eddie whimpered and let him kiss down his neck. It took him by surprise when Richie lifted his shirt and started kissing down his chest. His lips so soft against his tummy, and so hot when he was so close to the waist band of his shorts. He was acutely aware of his breathing, but he only started gasping for air when Richie crouched between his legs. His lips continued kissing above his shorts, and he even started to pull at the fabric. They briefly went over what Eddie was comfortable with, given that Richie’s biggest concern was his comfort and enjoyment, and he was only now remembering how Richie’s eyes lit up the moment Eddie said he was willing to try oral. It wasn’t his favorite in theory, but watching Richie look up at him while sat on his knees was kind of a head trip.

“Are you gonna cum?” Richie asked. His hand had been working against him the whole time, and Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn’t close.

“Not yet, but…s-soon,” he murmured. Richie smiled at that and pressed his tongue against his belly.

“I love it when you cum, baby. I love being the reason you feel so good,” he whispered. Eddie bit his lip and held his hand to his mouth to muffle his moans. He had to look away for a second, and then went stiff when he felt a different kind of pressure between his legs. He looked back down, and nearly lost it watching Richie lick at him through his shorts.

“Fuck, oh my god,” he gasped. Richie smiled, and held his hips in place as he dragged his wet tongue over the already wet spot. “ _Richie_ , holy shit,” he whined. Richie pulled him closer, and Eddie loved the feeling of being manhandled for once.

No one else made Eddie feel so turned on by touching him the way Richie touched him. If anyone else pushed him around like that he would’ve stopped everything and left. With Richie he knew he was respected, so he only wanted him to keep him close. His tongue continued over and over again. The fabric was soaked at that point, and it was so warm from Richie’s mouth. He could barely contain himself as he felt his orgasm coming closer and closer the longer Richie kept his pace. He was shaking, and that only made his friend hold him tighter.

“Richie…mmh…Richie, I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum,” he whispered. Richie continued what he was doing, and within seconds Eddie was shuddering and shaking as his orgasm washed over him. He continued until he started flinching from over stimulation, and then pulled back to wipe his mouth. Eddie was still catching his breath when he stood up to kiss his face, and Eddie could only weakly paw at his chest as he struggled to breathe.

“That was so hot, baby. Did you like that?” Richie asked while rubbing the joints of his legs. It was much appreciated because keeping his legs bent up like that to let Richie get him off left his hips sore and close to cramping. He nodded.

“Yeah, I…I liked it…felt so good,” Eddie murmured. Richie smiled at that and kissed the side of his head.

“You’re so cute,” he said.

“Shut up. I’m all sweaty now,” he huffed.

“Should I help you shower?” Richie asked biting his lip.

“Nope. Take your weird noodles and go jerk off in your room. I’ll shower alone,” he grumbled. It made Richie laugh, but they both knew he was going to do just that. Then there was a loud knock on the door and they both jumped.

“Occupied!” Eddie called instinctively.

“Sorry, Eddie! Have you seen Richie?” Maggie asked from the other side of the door.

“Uh…no. Have you checked out in the backyard?” He suggested.

“I don’t think I have. Thank you!” She said. They both held their breath as they listened to her walking away and downstairs. The tension was only released when they heard the sliding glass door open and closed, and then they relaxed.

“Fuck, that was close,” Richie sighed.

“Your fault,” Eddie grumbled before taking the bowl. He shoved it into Richie’s hands and got off the counter to kick him out. Needless to say, Richie didn’t owe him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna try to start titling these chapters and going through old ones to title them.


	10. In which Eddie has mommy issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie: (bottles up the trauma of his mother’s death for three months)  
> Eddie: what could possibly go wrong?  
> Richie’s mom: (exists)  
> Eddie: oh fuck

Going to the Grand Canyon sounded really good in theory. A lot of things sounded good in theory, actually, but it wasn’t too often that those theories played out well in person. It was really thoughtful and romantic on Richie’s part, but Eddie hated surprises and he hated getting sunburned. So what was meant to be a lovely hike through the national park quickly turned into bickering and complaining as Eddie insisted they reapplied sunscreen every hour. It didn’t help that it was an extremely hot day, so not only were they covered with greasy gross sun lotion they were also sticky with sweat. Eddie didn’t like the heat. Richie didn’t like the added moisture of slathering white crap on his skin. They both became grumpy with each other, but when they got to the final view they finally chilled out and took a moment to enjoy it.

“You have some real shit ideas sometimes, Richie,” Eddie murmured as they looked across the caramel and fire colored canyon. Richie snorted as he laid out their blanket and pulled snacks out of his back pack.

“Yeah? That’s it? Nothing about the gorgeous fucking view you’ll never see anywhere else?” Richie asked. Eddie turned to see him smoothing out a little picnic blanket and felt his heart warm up.

“Nope. That’s all,” he said as he walked over to sit with him. Richie was pouting, so Eddie decided to give him a kiss to cheer him up. It was successful in making him smile, and he passed him a granola bar.

“Someone made porn here once,” Richie said casually. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Sure,” he murmured and ripped open the package.

“I know because I watched it. I felt bad for the girl. It was during the winter and she was shivering the whole time with her tits out,” he said and then took a bite of his own granola bar. Eddie frowned at him.

“Are you serious?” He asked. Richie nodded.

“She’s a real champ though. Great at sucking dick. Only reason I ever watched straight porn,” he confirmed.

“Richie, you’re so gross. I don’t want to hear about what porn you watch,” Eddie grumbled and took a bite. Richie smiled.

“Are you jealous?” He teased.

“I’ve literally sucked your dick myself. Why would I be jealous of strangers who don’t even know you exist?” Eddie replied.

“It sounds like you’re jealous. It’s okay. I don’t watch porn as much as I used to. I think the last time I did was in my dorm,” Richie assured him.

“That’s not what I want to hear, Rich. Just stop talking about porn,” Eddie sighed.

“I bet you watch those size kink videos. You’re so tiny, it’s so cute,” Richie continued. Eddie blushed.

“I’m not tiny.”

“You’re five seven,” Richie pointed out.

“Exactly.”

“I hate to break it to you, Eds, but five seven is not the average height for men,” he said. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“I’m taller than most people I meet.”

“You’re not meeting a lot of people then,” Richie said. Eddie shook his head and decided to ignore him. That made his friend pout and then hook his chin on Eddie’s shoulder.

“You’re just tall,” Eddie decided. He then felt Richie turn his head and smile against his neck.

“That’s valid. I am above six foot.”

“I noticed,” Eddie mumbled. Richie chuckled and then kissed his neck. “We’re not having sex in front of the Grand Canyon,” he deadpanned. Richie laughed.

“Of course not. She’d get jealous.”

“That and we’re still in a public setting.”

“I wasn’t trying to have sex, by the way. I just wanted to give you some kisses.  
Is that a crime?” He asked. Eddie pursed his lips in thought and let his face relax as Richie continued more soft kisses against his throat.

“I guess not…it’s…it’s nice,” Eddie murmured. Richie smiled under his ear, and Eddie turned his head to face him some more. Their faces touched, and it only took a couple seconds before they moved to gently kiss each other on the lips.

“Yeah…really nice,” Richie murmured in agreement. Eddie smiled and kissed him again while his fingers gently came up to cup Eddie’s face. 

Nothing made Eddie as happy as Richie did. He was able to have happiness without him, and he was confident in that, but it was so much nicer with him. Having this one person in his life made him feel so much more whole, and he was happy to remember that he would still be whole no matter who he was with or what he was doing. Sure, they bickered and they fought. Richie had his moments of being an absolute terror to himself and the people around him. That only made him more Richie. It made it so much sweeter when he was soft, and so much softer when he was gentle. The harshness just as much Richie as the trickling fingertips on Eddie’s jaw. Just as much as the tongue gingerly making it’s way into their kisses, and just as much as the harsh push of his glasses against Eddie’s cheek.

“Eds…” Richie huffed when they slowly came to a pause. Eddie blinked at him and then pressed their foreheads together.

“Yeah?”

“I…you mean a lot to me…uh…yeah,” Richie murmured. Eddie smiled at that.

“You mean a lot to me too,” he whispered back. Richie looked relieved to hear that and pulled away to look him in the eyes.

“I know that there are some things between us that go…unacknowledged, but…I wanted to make sure you understand what this means to me,” Richie said. Eddie nodded and gently touched his face.

“Of course,” he encouraged. Richie took a deep breath.

“Everything we’ve done together makes me so unbelievably happy. There’s not a fucking moment that I’m unhappy to be with you. Even just doing nothing and picking our noses all day is like the fucking best—“

“Don’t ruin this by talking about boogers please,” Eddie sighed. They laughed, and Richie shook his head.

“You know what I mean…spending time with you was something I never imagined I’d get to do so often. Now I get to do it every day, and…I’ve never had such an amazing summer before,” he continued. Eddie smiled and kissed his cheek again.

“Me too.”

“I wanna make it very clear, okay? This, whatever it is between us, is all I’ve ever wanted. The way you make me feel…fuck, Eds. I didn’t think this feeling actually existed.”  
  
“Richie…”

“Basically, I want to take this seriously. Whatever ‘ _this_ ’ is between us. I like it. I wanna keep it. Even when we go back to campus, I…I wanna be with you,” Richie confessed.

“Did you think I only wanted this here?” Eddie asked. Richie shrugged.

“I dunno. That’s not even what I’m trying to say. What I’m trying to say is…I wanna be serious with _you_. No one else. Just us,” Richie attempted to clarify. Eddie blinked.

“Are you asking to be my boyfriend?” He questioned. Richie looked bright red and then shrugged.

“Uh…I mean, I guess so? I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so I’m like scared shitless. But I want this with you more than I’m scared of it,” Richie answered. Eddie felt his lower lip tremble, and quickly tried to kiss Richie before he started crying. Just knowing that Richie was willing to fight through his own fears for Eddie meant so much. It was something only a few people had ever done for him.

“Okay,” he said trying not to let his voice crack. Richie nodded and kissed him again sweet and soft. He caressed Eddie’s cheek with his thumb, and Eddie broke off to bury his face into his chest and wrap his arms around him.

“You okay there, Eds?” Richie asked while rubbing his back. Eddie sniffled and sighed.

“I’m scared too, Richie. I want this too, it’s just…it’s scary. I don’t want to mess it up and lose you,” Eddie said. He appreciated the hand holding his lower back, and touched his shoulders.

“You have me, Eds. You’ll always have me. I’m not going anywhere. I think you’ll have to fight me off with a stick it you ever want me to leave ya,” Richie promised. Eddie wiggled himself closer, and kissed above Richie’s collarbones.

“My mother raised me to need her. I needed her to do anything. I needed her permission to do everything. I think she needed me too…and that’s why she was so upset when I cut her off. I don’t…I don’t want us to be like that. I want us to be able to function without each other. It’s just that things feel better when we’re together,” Eddie explained. Richie nodded and kissed the top of his head.

“I think that’s fair. Although I would like to say while I’m not dependent, I am very needy. It’s two very different things,” Richie claimed. Eddie laughed at that and held him closer.

“You are very needy. It’s kinda cute.”

“Oh my. The cutest person in the world, my little Eddie spaghetti, is calling _me_ cute? Oh geez, what did I do to deserve this?” Richie asked. Eddie giggled and pulled away to look at him.

“Nothing. I just like you,” he whispered fondly. Richie smiled and kissed his nose.

“I like you too, Eds.”

The hike and the drive back were more pleasant then the trip there. Eddie usually wasn’t a fan of long drives because he got bored easily, but with Richie road trips were a little different. He always had a playlist prepared, and he was skilled enough at driving to hold a conversation and keep Eddie relatively calm. He was better at driving on highways and freeways, but once he started getting into towns and residential areas his driving started to make Eddie grip the seats. 

When they finally got back home it was dinner time, and they were pleasantly surprised to see Richie’s sister, Sarah, join them for the evening. Eddie took a shower first at Richie’s insistence, and when he got back they were still laughing and catching up in the living room while Went grilled the steak for the night. He joined Sarah on the couch, and then told Richie to take a shower. His sister chimed in saying he smelled awful, and Richie merely flipped her off before running upstairs to wash himself. Sarah got up to make herself a drink, and Maggie came over to join Eddie and take her place. She handed him a lemon drop, and he happily accepted the alcoholic beverage.

“Have you ever had one of these before?” She asked as he took his first sip. He shook his head.

“Nope. People my age usually get beer and seltzers. Anytime I go into a restaurant I have to fight them about my ID so I don’t bother,” Eddie replied. She nodded and sipped her own.

“It’s the baby face, huh? Sarah got that all the time too when she turned twenty one. I’d have to vouch for her a couple times at the restaurants,” she hummed.

“And I was thankful every time,” Sarah said walking back with a vodka soda.

“I would be too.”

“Did your mother take you out for your twenty first or did she stay in with you?” Maggie asked. Eddie shifted uncomfortably. He had successfully dodged the topic of his mother since the main reason Richie was able to convince his parents to let a person they’ve never met before stay for the summer was because his mother just died. He never told them about her, or talked about her, or told them why he cut her off.

“I uh…I wasn’t speaking to my mother when I turned twenty one. I spent the night with my best friends instead,” he said. Sarah frowned hearing that, and Maggie merely nodded.

“Fair enough. We all have reasons not to speak to our parents. Lord knows I gave my own mother the cold shoulder for a while before she passed,” she said.

“Well, Grammy was a bitch, so it was definitely warranted,” Sarah said. They laughed and Eddie smiled a little.

“Yeah, I just…I needed some space from her is all. She was overbearing at times. Had a hard time letting me go when I left for college,” he said vaguely.

“It’s always hard for the parents. Sarah went to the local college, and Richard went to the community college for his undergrad. Even when they were living at home it was hard because I saw them less!” Maggie chuckled.

“Yeah, well Richie has some pretty big dreams. I dunno how long you’ll keep him tied down,” Sarah pointed out. Maggie sighed.

“I know…I only hope he’ll return my calls now,” she hummed. Sarah laughed a little and Eddie took another sip.

“So how’s your mom dealing with everything now?” Sarah asked. Maggie was about to say something, but Eddie beat her to it.

“I’d say she’s taking things pretty well considering her circumstances,” Eddie replied.

“Oh? What circumstances?”

“She’s dead,” he announced. Sarah tried not to laugh, but Eddie was already giggling. Maggie broke first and immediately covered her mouth.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie dear, I wasn’t expecting that,” she said gasping for breath. He shook his head.

“It’s fine. Really, I don’t mind,” he assured them. Sarah giggled a little and nodded.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, but at least you can laugh through it, right?” She said. Eddie nodded and played with the stem of his glass.

“She wasn’t a very nice lady, so I feel that laughing about it is justified,” he murmured. Maggie gently rubbed his shoulder and he looked up at her smile.

“Sometimes mothers do really stupid things out of love. You can ask Sarah. I took away all her Polly pockets so she would play outside more, and all she did was lock herself in her room,” she assured him. Eddie smiled at that and nodded.

“Sure…uh…”

“Is everything okay? We can talk about something else? Dead mothers are kind of a heavy subject,” Sarah offered. Maggie nodded in agreement and Eddie merely shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve just been avoiding it all summer so I…I’m just remembering how I felt around her and…how that’s so different from now,” he told them. It was strange being so vulnerable to these people he didn’t know too well. Maggie was easy to warm up to though, and whenever they talked for an extended amount of time he eventually told her something that eluded to the fact that his mother didn’t treat him right.

“Grief is unique to everyone. Before my mother died I thought I would want to throw a party when she hit the sack. But when her time finally came, I couldn’t leave my bed for a week,” Maggie said. Sarah nodded as to attest for her statement.

“Yeah. I mean, Grammy was kind of terrible, but she’s family. We still loved her even though she kinda sucked most of the time,” Sarah said. Eddie felt his eyes sting. That was exactly how he felt, and hearing it be validated through someone else’s experience was a release he didn’t even know he needed.

“My mom kinda sucked too. I…I cut her off after I…after I came out to her. She told me I didn’t know what I was talking about, and…” he trailed off. His fingers trembling around the glass as he set it down on the coffee table.

“I don’t understand why people have kids if they’re not going to love them unconditionally. Like, who cares if your kid is gay? Adoption is a thing if grandkids is all you care about. If you just love them for who they are then it saves not just you, but the kid so much grief,” Sarah ranted. Eddie nodded.

“I never even told her I was gay. All I did was…ask her to call me Eddie and to call me her son,” he said. He felt as if the words leaving his lips sounded like shattering glass. His body was stiff with fear that these kind and lovely people would reject him the way his mother did, and he could only bear that type of heart break once in his life. What felt like an eternity didn’t even last a second.

“Geez, and she wouldn’t even do that?” Sarah asked. Maggie returned her comforting hand to Eddie’s shoulder, and he wanted to cry with relief.

“…not even on her death bed,” he confirmed.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie,” Maggie whispered. He met her eyes and felt his throat burn. He was definitely crying. “Anyone who can’t recognize you for the bright young man you are, is simply wrong and mistaken,” she continued. He sniffled and then stood up abruptly.

“Sorry, I need to…I gotta get something from upstairs,” he murmured, rushing to escape before he started breaking down sobbing. He made it to the top of the stairs before running into Richie, and the fading smile on his concerned face was the last straw. His first instinct was to melt into the ground into a puddle of tears, but he was instead tucked under his boyfriend’s chin, and he sucked in a harsh breath.

“Bedroom. Please,” he wheezed. Richie nodded and guided him to Eddie’s room. He closed the door and locked it behind them while Eddie finally let himself cry.

“Hey. You’re okay. I got you, baby,” Richie cooed. Eddie felt weak relying on Richie to stay upright. Eventually he was scooped up and carried to the bed where he could much more easily cradle him.

“I’m so sorry,” Eddie hiccuped.

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Do you wanna tell me what’s going on?” He asked. Eddie let out a shaky breath and tried to cry as quietly as he could.

“I-I never got that…I…I never got to hear my mom call me her little boy. I never got to hear her tell me I’m a bright young man. She never called me Eddie. I never got that,” Eddie sobbed. Richie was quiet as he listened and stroked his hair. “I told your mom and sister about…wh-why I cut her off, and…and they just went with it. They accepted me. They didn’t change how they spoke to me. They just…took it.”

“Of course they did, Eds. We all love you here,” Richie cooed. Eddie sobbed again muffled against his shirt.

“It—it hurts, but it feels good too. I just wish…I wish my mom could’ve done the same thing,” he whimpered. Richie kissed the top of his head and held him tighter.

“I know. I wish she could’ve done it too. You didn’t deserve that,” he said. Eddie hugged him tightly in return, and Richie merely let him squeeze as he held him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t worry, okay? Your mom died. I think a breakdown is warranted from time to time,” Richie replied with a little chuckle. Eddie sighed and sniffled.

“Your mom made me a lemon drop. Have you had one before?” He asked. Richie groaned.

“Oh my god, that’s all she fucking makes. How have we been here for like three months and this is the first time she makes you a lemon drop?” He complained. Eddie giggled and pressed his forehead to Richie’s neck.

“It was really good…I think she’s a pretty good mom. You should go easy on her when you move out. She can be a lot, but she loves you, Rich,” he murmured. Richie nodded and cupped the back of Eddie’s head to caress his nape.

“Of course. I gotta keep her updated about you too, so I’m calling for both of us now,” he said. Eddie smiled at that and sighed.

“I’m so tired now,” he murmured.

“That’s okay. How about you nap here for a minute, and I’ll go down to let everyone know you’re okay. Then I’ll come back up and we can nap together until the steak is ready. Does that sound good?” Richie suggested. Eddie nodded and then pulled back. Richie tried to kiss him, but Eddie held him back as he reached for a tissue and wiped his snot and tears away. Then he obliged, and gave a wobbly smile as Richie gently caressed his cheek.

“I’ll be right back. Sleep well, okay?”

“Okay…thank you,” he whispered. Richie merely smiled and kissed his forehead.

“Anything for my Eddie spaghetti.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are now officially boyfriens :3c


	11. In which Richie’s sense of humor bites him in the ass

  
“Make sure you call me, okay? I wanna hear all about your senior year,” Maggie said while squishing his cheeks. Of course she had to reach up a little because he was so tall, and laughed as Richie groaned.

“Yes. I will call you. Please let go of me now,” he deadpanned. Eddie giggled next to him and accepted the hug Maggie gave him after.

“You keep your chin up out there. You’re fully welcome to visit any time with or without Richie,” she said.

“Thank you,” Eddie replied shyly.

“Preferably without,” Wentworth said patting Richie on the shoulder. It was clear which side of the family Richie got his height from. Maggie was a very tall woman, but she was still shorter than Richie.

“Thanks dad,” Richie said blandly. They laughed together, and Eddie took his handshake.

“We should get going. We’re meeting our friends at the airport, and we’re hoping traffic isn’t too bad,” Eddie told them. Richie nodded in agreement and slipped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders to start pulling them back towards his truck.

“Yes. We are very much on our way! I’ll text you once we get settled,” he said as he slowly pulled Eddie away with him. His parents nodded and waved them off before wishing them a safe drive. Richie bolted the second they closed the door, and Eddie giggled at how desperate he was to get on the road.

The last month in the Tozier household was both very tense and relieving at the same time. Eddie spent just a smidgen more of his time with Maggie instead of Richie, and if he didn’t understand it was because of his lack of a maternal figured Richie would’ve been complaining ten times more then he already was. Although a closer relationship with Richie’s mother lead to more trust when they were alone together which meant Richie was happy that they were guaranteed to be uninterrupted. They still weren’t comfortable going too far in Richie’s parents house, so Eddie could tell that Richie was itching for _that_ kind of freedom that came with their own individual dorms. He voiced it several times, but it was also obvious by the hand he kept on Eddie’s knee through out the drive. They had to wake up early to meet Beverly and Ben at the airport, so Eddie napped for the first half and then took over the rest of the drive. Richie passed out within half an hour, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile when he started to snore.

Arriving at the airport was a little bit crazy, but once they spotted their friends it was smooth sailing from then on. They chucked their bags in the back, and then climbed into the backseat. Eddie was happy to see Beverly smile so brightly, and would occasionally glance back through the mirror in time to see Ben looking at her in the most loving way he’s ever seen. Richie took charge and immediately started catching up with them as Eddie drove, and when they got there he was the first to hop out and start pulling out the bags. It wasn’t too busy inside since they were a little early moving in, so they were able to easily navigate to their rooms. Richie dropped his stuff off at his room and then raced back to Eddie’s dorm to help him unpack first. That made him smile, even though he was less helpful and more hindering the whole time, and they stopped in the middle for a much overdue make out session on Eddie’s bed.

“Is this what gets you going? Unpacking?” Eddie hummed while Richie kissed down his neck.

“Wanna unpack _you_ , baby,” Richie teased and sat back to look down at the other man. Eddie blushed, but continued to smile as Richie sat between his legs and traced him up and down with the most adoring look in his eyes. “God, you’re fucking perfect. Most adorable Eddie spaghetti.” Eddie rolled his eyes and moved to sit up and kiss him on the lips again.

“You’re stupid,” he murmured. 

Richie chuckled, and Eddie felt his bones liquify at the sound. He was persuaded back onto his bed, and he easily got lost in the incessant kisses Richie showered him in. He hooked his fingers around his belt loops, and pulled him closer until they were directly rubbing against each other. The contact made Eddie hum, and Richie broke off to rest his head against Eddie’s shoulder. It had been a long time since they actually got off together. The last week they were so busy with finalizing their forecasting and planning that all they had time for was some light making out. Feeling how hard Richie was in his jeans reminded Eddie just how long it’s been since he’s actually touched him there with no fabric in the way. He rolled his own hips up against it, and Richie groaned before returning his lips to Eddie’s neck.

“Fuck…” he sighed and touched Eddie’s hips with shaky hands. He moved them again. “Seriously. So fucking perfect,” he murmured under his jaw.

“Richie…I wanna feel you,” he whispered. Richie groaned and shoved his own hips in return. Eddie gasped and touched under Richie’s shirt. That prompted his boyfriend to kiss him, and Eddie relished in the fact that he was kissing his _boyfriend_.

“Want you so bad…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your mouth,” Richie murmured against his lips. Eddie bit his lip remembering the first time he used his mouth on Richie, and hoped he wasn’t being subtle when he wrapped his legs around him.

“I want more. Richie, I want you inside me,” Eddie whispered like it was a secret. Apparently it was because he wasn’t expecting Richie to look so surprised and flabbergasted at his request.

“Wait, what? You…you want that?” He asked. Eddie frowned.

“Yeah? Did I say something that suggested I didn’t?” He asked. Richie thought for a moment and shrugged.

“I mean, I don’t think so, but like…I didn’t think that was something you wanted,” he said.

“Richie, you literally caught me buying lube. What did you think I was doing with that?” Eddie asked incredulously.

“I dunno! Maybe you were only using your fingers or like little toys? Lube is a very multipurpose product,” Richie pointed out. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Obviously I was fucking myself. You were even being gross about it!”

“Yeah, but it was a joke! I didn’t wanna assume you wanted _my_ dick. I fucking hoped you did, but this is like wet dream tier best case scenario. I didn’t think it would actually happen,” he explained. Eddie pouted and pulled Richie back down closer with his thighs wrapped around his waist.

“Well, it’s happening. I want you. Do you wanna fuck me, or not?” Eddie asked while touching Richie’s shoulders and down his chest. His boyfriend was flushed and let Eddie touch and kiss him as he pleased.

“I mean…yeah, of course I do,” Richie murmured. Eddie smiled against his pulse and lightly nipped at his skin.

“So what are you waiting for then?” He whispered.

“Wait, like right now?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded and kept running his finger down the snail trail above his jeans.

“Yes…please, Richie. I’ve wanted you all summer. Been thinking about this for so long,” Eddie murmured seductively while moving his hips again. 

Richie groaned and gripped Eddie’s waist while he rubbed himself off on the bulge in his jeans. He moaned at the touch, and that successfully talked Richie into pushing up his shirt and kiss down his neck. Just as he was about to sit up and let Richie pull it off completely, they were interrupted by the door suddenly slamming open. They blinked over with equally wide eyes as Bill and Stan stood in Eddie’s door frame, and he could tell by the shock on Bill’s face that this was a less then ideal situation for him to walk in on. Stan merely whistled and turned to leave, but Bill couldn’t keep his eyes off Richie’s hands on Eddie’s waist.

“Bill, what the hell? What happened to knocking?” Eddie huffed. Bill said nothing and pressed his lips into an irritated tight line. Richie’s hands disappeared from Eddie’s body, and he mourned their loss as he pulled down his shirt.

“Really, Richie? It was all just a joke? Am I supposed to be laughing right now?” Bill asked crossing his arms.

“Bill, this isn’t what you think it is,” Richie said.

“What the hell do you fucking think it is, Bill?” Eddie asked pointedly. He was peeved about getting walked in on again, but also annoyed with Bill’s inability to see Eddie as anything but his little brother.

“I dunno what happened over the summer, but it’s pretty suspicious that once Richie got you alone he was able to talk you into having sex with him,” Bill said. Richie opened his mouth to speak, but Eddie quickly shook his head and got off of the bed.

“Stay here, okay?” Eddie murmured to Richie, and then turned to Bill. “Outside. Now,” he ordered. Bill sighed and turned to walk out. Eddie followed him and closed the door behind him. His friend leaned against the wall and slowly slid down to sit. Eddie sat next to him and sighed as well.

“Eds, you don’t know how he was talking about you,” Bill murmured. Eddie shrugged.

“Okay? What was he saying?” He asked.

“Just…fucking gross shit. The day he found out I knew who you were, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how hot he thought you were! It was just so fucked up,” Bill told him.

“He told me that to my face…did you know that?” He asked.

“I mean…I only assumed the way he spoke to you directly wasn’t much better.”

“Look, Richie was very annoying to me at first, and I didn’t like him in the beginning. He has a stupid sense of humor, but…he also has a lot of good in him too. Richie isn’t just trying to get into my pants, Billy,” Eddie assured him. Bill was quiet for a moment and then sniffled.

“What else am I supposed to think, Eds? Just because he’s a good guy doesn’t mean he hasn’t said some gross shit! Every time he talked about you was a different way he wanted to stick his dick in you. Like that night at the stupid party! When we were getting beer I told him he couldn’t talk to you like that, and he said he wouldn’t be doing much talking with you by the end of the night. Like…what am I supposed to think when I hear that?” He asked. Eddie blinked hearing that and then frowned.

“I dunno. Maybe ask me one on one? I know it was hard to gauge how I would react at the time because of my mom, but…Billy if you’re ever worried about me, it’s okay to ask. Yeah, it’s gross that he said that, but Richie and I weren’t even messing around at that time. He and I weren’t any more affectionate than you and I, or me and Bev, or even you and Stan. We had our first real kiss like two months ago,” Eddie assured him. Bill lifted his head and frowned in confusion.

“What? He said he’s been hooking up with you since winter break. I didn’t know how serious he was being, but like why would he say that?” Bill informed him. Eddie’s brows shot up and he shook his head.

“Oh my god, we _haven’t_. We haven’t even done that at all! We spent the whole summer together, and Richie thought I wasn’t interested. Not that it’s any of your business, but _I_ initiate most of what we do together,” Eddie said. Bill blinked at him.

“Then why the fuck did he say that?”

“I dunno. It’s Richie. I don’t like that he was saying that, but based off of how you two have been acting lately, I’d assume he did it because he thought you liked me,” Eddie said. Bill blushed bright red.

“What? That makes no sense. The only way I could see him thinking that was when I tried to kiss you, and I only did that hoping he’d back off!” He said. Eddie raised a brow at that.

“Yeah, no. I’m pretty sure he was being a baby because he was jealous. I had to tell him that you and I are just friends,” Eddie said. Bill then sheepishly looked at the ground and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Fuck…”

“I’m sorry you had to see that though…I lost track of time and didn’t think about the fact that you would be home soon,” Eddie said leaning his head on Bill’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Eds. I missed you though.”

“I missed you too. It’s good to see you,” he said with a smile. Bill smiled back and leaned his head on Eddie’s.

“Yeah. It’s always good to see you too…”

“I’m okay, Bill. Everything is okay,” he whispered. Bill nodded and sighed again.

“Yeah…sorry, it’s just…it’s easy to worry about my friends after what happened to Georgie. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for that,” Bill murmured. Eddie lifted his head and hugged Bill closer to him.

“It wasn’t your fault. I know it’s hard to let go, but you did nothing wrong.”

“I should’ve at least gone with him.”

“If anyone, your parents should’ve gone. You were a kid too, okay? It sucks what happened, but it’s no ones fault. You don’t have to worry about me, okay?” Eddie assured him. Bill nodded and hugged Eddie back.

“Okay…but make sure to tell Tozier to keep it to himself. I don’t wanna hear about the action he’s getting anymore. Especially with you,” he grumbled. Eddie laughed.

“Okay. I’ll make sure to tell him,” Eddie assured him.

They stood up and hugged properly before Bill was on his way to catch up to Stan and Mike. Eddie turned to return to his dorm, and made sure to lock the door behind him. Richie was pacing the room with his arms crossed, and stopped with wide eyes when Eddie walked in. He looked worried and Eddie instantly walked over to soothe him with a kiss on the cheek.

“What did he tell you? I swear to god, I was just joking with him. I didn’t know he’d take everything so fucking serious all the time—“

“Hey, it’s okay. Everything is okay,” Eddie assured him. That didn’t seem to calm him all the way, but allowed him to simmer down enough to let Eddie speak. “I thought you guys sorted everything out while I was gone. What happened?” He asked. Richie shrugged.

“I dunno. Bill just said he was sorry, and whenever I tried to explain that it was just a joke he’d interrupt and tell me to make sure you’re happy,” Richie replied. Eddie frowned hearing that.

“He thought that you and I have been hooking up since winter break…because that’s what you told him,” he reminded him. Richie looked shocked to hear that.

“Are you serious? That was like an off hand thing I said when he asked if we were serious. I didn’t think he actually though we were messing around,” he said. Eddie sighed.

“Yeah, you guys need to like actually talk about that. I think Bill will actually be willing to listen this time, so you’ll have better luck,” he assured him.

“Eds, I swear. I didn’t think he’d take it all so seriously. It was a ‘like that would ever happen’ kinda joke, y’know? Like, sarcastic. _Oh yeah I’m definitely having sex with this totally hot guy that’s one hundred percent out of my league_. That type of stuff,” Richie insisted. That caught Eddie’s attention and made him blush.

“You think I’m out of your league?” He asked. Richie blushed too and then awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“I mean…have you seen yourself? Have you seen _me?_ Like…c’mon,” he said weakly. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“I have seen you. I happen to like what I see,” Eddie replied. Richie’s face only got more red, and he let Eddie reach up on his tip toes to kiss him.

“Christ, Eds. I seriously can’t figure out what I did to deserve you,” Richie murmured as he whispered his hands down Eddie’s sides.

“You didn’t do anything. I just like you,” Eddie spoke against his lips, and Richie leaned down to kiss him back in response. “But I’m not happy that you were telling Bill you’ve been fucking me since winter break. You seriously need to watch your mouth,” he scolded and turned to resume his unpacking. Richie was frozen where Eddie left him and eventually nodded.

“Okay, yeah. Fair enough,” he agreed. He turned to watch Eddie refold his clothes and then awkwardly cleared his throat. “So I take it we’re not gonna…continue from earlier?” He asked. Eddie looked at him over his shoulder and then refocused on his clothes.

“Why? You’ve apparently been hitting it since December. Surely you can wait another night,” he snarked. Richie sighed.

“Yeah, okay. I deserved that…” he said and then came up behind him. “…but I’m thinking about what you deserve too. Sounded like you really wanted to do something tonight,” Richie cooed and brought his hands over Eddie’s hips. As tempting as it was, Eddie wasn’t easily deterred. He quite liked getting back at people when he could.

“How selfless of you. Unfortunately, we don’t even have condoms, so we wouldn’t be able to anyways. You can go unpack in your dorm though,” Eddie shooed. Richie pouted and rested his chin on Eddie’s shoulder before hugging him more chastely.

“But I wanna be with youuuuuu,” he whined.

“Go unpack your shit and I might go with you to the store,” Eddie deadpanned.

“What for?” Richie asked. Eddie turned his head to raise a brow, and Richie’s mouth turned into an excited O.

“I see…then I will go ahead and do that,” he replied. Eddie nodded and smiled as his boyfriend let his hands slip off his body. He missed it, but he was pleased that Richie did as he said. “Don’t miss me too much!” He said as he reached the door. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”


	12. In which Richie and Eddie get cock blocked…again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When will these two catch a break,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: dead naming, grieving

Bill and Richie talked the next day. Well, they talked for a little bit, and then ended up fighting again. Thankfully there was no punching, but Stan did have to break them up and text Eddie to get him to help them out. That lead to Eddie chewing both of them out for acting like literal children, and sitting through the rest of the conversation. For some reason Eddie’s presence actually made Bill listen to Richie and not just call him a creep the whole time. By the end of it they were hugging again, and decided to hang out with the rest of their friends for the rest of the afternoon.

Richie and Eddie actually spent more time hanging out with their friends then they thought they would. They arrived early intending to get intimate, but once they saw everyone again they realized just how much they really missed them and their horny ape brains finally took a break. It didn’t last long though, and after three consecutive days of nonstop friend time Eddie was kind of dying for physical contact. They had plans to go to the mall with Bev and Ben as a little unofficial double date. It was unofficial because Eddie refused to call it that, and they also haven’t told anybody about their relationship yet. Beverly tried to get him alone a couple times to squeeze it out of him, but someone usually stepped in before she could get far. It wasn’t like he was hiding it, but after the fight with Bill he wanted to lay low for a moment.

“Richie…” Eddie murmured as the conversation came to a lull. Ben was feeding Beverly a bite of his pie, and it was sickeningly sweet.

“Yes, baby?” Richie replied turning to look at him.

“Oh, _baby?_ That’s really cute,” Bev teased. Eddie’s face burned and he stuck his tongue out at her before returning his attention back to his boyfriend.

“We should go to the store after this,” he said.

“Sure. What for?” Richie asked as he took more of Eddie’s ice cream.

“We’ll talk about it on the way there,” Eddie told him and tapped his spoon with his own to grab the bite of ice cream.

“I should probably go to the store too. Living with my aunt really helped my pockets in the girl department. Maybe we should go together,” she proposed.

“Sounds good to m—“

“You don’t want to come with us,” Eddie deadpanned interrupting Richie. Beverly caught on immediately and nodded with a smile.

“Gotcha. We should actually get going. We have other plans later today,” she said pulling out her wallet. 

They all threw some bills on the table to pay for the meal and the tip, and then left the diner. Bev hugged Eddie extra tight before they went their separate ways and he was grateful to have a friend who seemed to read his mind. It made things a lot easier when he was too embarrassed to talk about something. He climbed into Richie’s pick up and told him to go to the nearest drugstore. Richie did it without question, and when they arrive he followed Eddie through the different aisles. They walked down the personal aisle and paused when Eddie started looking through the condoms.

“Uh…you mind telling me what we’re after sweetheart?” Richie asked. Eddie looked at him over his shoulder and then raised a brow.

“What does it look like, dumbass?” He snarked. Richie blinked with wide eyes at the wall of rubbers.

“Yeah, you gotta spell this one out for me.”

“We’re gonna buy condoms, and then we’re gonna go home, and we’re gonna have sex,” Eddie told him bluntly. He turned to continue looking through his options leaving Richie to sit with that information.

“Oh fuck, okay…okay, sure. Yeah. No biggie. That’s fine. All for it. Love the energy, babe,” Richie said after a few moments of silence. He then reached up for the bigger boxes, and Eddie turned bright red as he pulled down three of them.

“What? What the hell are you doing?” He asked.

“I’m stocking up! You’ve never done it, right?” Richie replied. Eddie frowned at that. It was true, but he didn’t need to say it like that.

“So? Geez, Rich that’s way too much,” he scoffed. Richie turned to him with a smile and kissed the top of his head.

“Literally, it’s crazy. It’s like what they say about tattoos and shit. Once you do it once you’ll want it _all_ the time,” he purred and moved down to kiss him on the lips. Eddie hated the fact that his horniness had gotten to the point where any time Richie spoke even an octave lower it was sexy.

“That’ll last us years,” he grumbled.

“Less trips to the store. Should we pick up more lube too?” Richie asked. Eddie rolled his eyes and walked around him to get a bottle.

“Isn’t that the bigger size? You’re not that big, are you?” Eddie asked reading the box closer.

“Listen, I know it’s been a while since you two have been aquatinted face to face, but Richie Jr. is not meant for regular sized condoms. It’ll work in a pinch, but the big boys feel like a second skin,” Richie assured him. Eddie wrinkled his nose at how Richie decided to refer to his penis, and then walked past him to head for the snack aisle. He scrambled after him, and passed the few other people in the store with a red face. His embarrassment made Eddie satisfied enough for him to allow him to keep the extra boxes, and then grabbed a bag of muddy buddies.

“Ooh! Eds, get me one. Those are so good,” Richie said struggling to keep all three boxes in his arms. Eddie watched him struggle and then crossed his arms.

“You can get it.”

“Clearly I _cannot_ ,” Richie replied nearly dropping one of them.

“Why not?” Eddie asked.

“Because I’ve got the _goods_ , baby,” he said while reorganizing them in his arms. Eddie sighed and grabbed the muddy buddies as well as a bag of sour patch kids.

“Only because I don’t want your fingers in my bag,” he said.

“I love that you know my favorite candy,” Richie smiled. Eddie blushed and smiled back before reaching up on his tip toes to kiss him on the lips.

“It’s the sweetest thing about you,” he cooed and then lead them to the check out.

Of course, he refused to check out with Richie. Instead he watched him burn with embarrassment while the cashier scanned three boxes of condoms and candy. It was satisfying to see Richie laugh nervously and fumble with his debit card before grabbing the bag and scampering off to his side. He giggled, and then they left hand in hand to Richie’s truck. When they got back to campus he was a little surprised and excited to feel Richie’s arm around his waist as he made a beeline for his dorm room. He locked the door behind them, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile as his free arm joined the other and held him closer. They were both grinning before meeting for a kiss, and Eddie felt his heart already starting to race in his chest.

“I wasn’t prepared for this, but I’m so glad I showered this morning,” Richie said.

“You’re so gross. I don’t understand how you don’t shower everyday,” he sighed in response.

“Hey, these curls don’t dry overnight. I don’t like having wet hair all the time,” he replied.

“You could always get a shower cap,” Eddie pointed out. Richie shook his head.

“Nope. Waste of money,” he replied and resumed his kisses. Eddie giggled again, and appreciated the way Richie held him tighter. He slid his own arms around his neck, and enjoyed being completely pressed against his boyfriend.

“I missed this,” Eddie murmured. Richie nodded in agreement and walked them towards the bed.

“Baby, you have no idea how crazy all this hanging out has made me. I’ve literally been having wet dreams about you since we got here,” Richie confessed. Eddie bit his lip hearing that and turned them around to push Richie down on the bed. His boyfriend blinked up at him, and he crawled on top of him with a smile.

“Yeah? What are we doing in your dreams?” Eddie whispered.

“Fuck, what _aren’t_ we doing in my dreams? I literally can’t even remember everything, but it’s so _hot_. I wake up like five seconds from blowing my fucking load,” he rambled while running his hands all over Eddie’s body. His touch had become more confident over time, and with the extra break they took he could tell he was also leading with desperation. He sat back on Richie’s hips, and started pushing his shirt up and running his fingers over his abdomen.

“Do you think about fucking me? Because I think about it every day. I can’t stop thinking about you inside me,” Eddie cooed as he teasingly shifted his hips. Richie groaned at the movement and settled his hands on Eddie’s hips.

“Christ, I still can’t believe you want me. You’re so fucking hot, baby,” Richie huffed. He watched as Eddie continued to shift until he was fully rocking his hips against the growing bulge in his pants.

“Tell me about what you wanna do to me,” he requested. Richie opened his mouth, but it went slack when Eddie pulled off his own shirt and continued pushing up Richie’s.

“Holy shit…god, I wanna do everything to you, baby. I wanna make you feel so good. Wanna use my mouth on you until you’re shaking and begging for more. Wanna fuck you so good you won’t be able to think straight for an hour after we’re done. Wanna make you cum over and over again until you’re satisfied,” Richie rambled while pathetically running his hands all over Eddie’s newly revealed skin. All that information made him moan and push his hips down harder.

“That one time…when you got me off through my shorts. Fuck, it felt so good, Richie. You make me feel so fucking good all the time. I love your hands. I want you to finger me,” Eddie said. Richie groaned and pushed his body down against him while he rolled his hips up. A gasp escaped his lips, and he desperately rubbed himself against the fully hard bulge in his pants.

“Fucking shit, are you gonna cum?” Richie asked watching him try not to whimper and whine. Eddie nodded and rocked his hips harder and faster.

“Feels so good…been so long…you’re so hard,” he panted. Richie nodded and moved with him.

“I gotcha, baby. Cum for me, sweetheart. You look so good like this. I love making you feel good,” Richie cooed. Eddie clamped his teeth down over his lower lip and furrowed his brows as he curled his fingernails into Richie’s skin. All it took was a few more thrusts and he was shaking and cumming in his pants. He gasped and whined as the heat flooded his body, and he whimpered as he continued to overstimulate himself.

“Richie… _Richie_ …” he moaned.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you are so fucking sexy, baby,” Richie huffed and continued gently rocking his hips against him. Eddie allowed it, and trembled with each push. He was about to reply when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Intending to just turn it off, he pulled it out and paused when he read the name across the screen. “Who is it?” Richie asked. He was completely still, and Eddie moved himself off his lap.

“My moms real estate agent,” Eddie said as he situated himself on the edge of the bed and answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, Lizzie-“

“It’s Eddie,” he corrected.

“Right. Sorry. Her records still have you as Elizabeth.”

“Well, my name has legally been Eddie for two years, so fucking change it, George,” he snapped.

“So sorry. I’ll make a note of that. Anyways, that’s not why I’m calling. I know you said you want nothing to do with the property, but you really need to come over here and look through the house at least once, kiddo,” he said. Eddie went stiff hearing that, but relaxed a little when Richie rubbed his back.

“I already told you to sell everything. Why the fuck do I need to look through everything?” He spat. George sighed and Eddie let himself lean on Richie’s shoulder.

“Look, I know that this isn’t fun for you to hear. I know you and your mother didn’t get along very well, and you probably have a lot of emotions around the house. I just want to give you a chance to look through everything before I sell it. I’ve got a lovely couple who wants it, and when they heard about it they were sad to hear you didn’t want anything to do with the house. I’m not trying to guilt you, I just wanted to give you another chance before we clear it out. Your aunts have already taken the things they want, so there’s not much left anyways,” he explained. Eddie felt himself shake for a different reason now, and reached up to wipe away at his watering eyes.

“That woman never really loved me. Why would I want to look through shit that reminds me of her?” He grumbled.

“Sonia wasn’t a kind woman to anyone. I honestly feel bad for every person who ever met her, and I’m sorry that she wasn’t any different to her own kid. I can’t fully relate to you because I was really close with my mom growing up, so I just can’t imagine a kid not wanting at least one thing from their childhood home. I’m just letting you know it’s selling soon, and I think it would be best if you came over for the weekend and just gave everything a quick look over. I’ll even cover your trip. You can bring a friend too,” he offered. Eddie was silent for a moment and then sighed.

“I’ll think about it…I’ll text you tomorrow,” he said.

“Okay. You get plenty of rest, kiddo. You’re gonna be really set once this sells. I already got the Honda out, and that’ll be in all the other liquified assets from the will. You’ll be getting a call from your lawyer about it sometime soon,” he assured him. Eddie sniffled.

“Okay…thanks,” he murmured.

“No problem, Eddie. Let me know when I can get that plane ticket for you,” George said.

“Will do…bye.”

“Bye,” he said before Eddie hung up. He flung his phone to the side, and then buried his face into Richie’s shoulder. Gentle hands stroked his hair as he cried, and he eventually turned his head to breathe and let Richie pull him close for a hug.

“You’re okay,” Richie cooed. Eddie nodded and hugged him back.

“I just hate this…Every time I get close to forgetting about her, something reminds me that my fucking mom is dead and that she never cared about me,” Eddie whimpered.

“I know…it’s not fair to you. Once the house sells and you get everything from the will, it’ll be easier,” Richie assured him.

“It’s so stupid. I couldn’t fucking stand her while she was alive, but even after she died she _still_ won’t leave me alone,” he sobbed.

“She doesn’t have any control over you, Eds. You’ve got much better people in your life now,” Richie said. Eddie nodded.

“Can we call your mom tomorrow? I think Maggie might be getting lonely,” he requested. Richie chuckled and nodded.

“Absolutely. I think she’d actually really love that. Because she loves you, Eds,” he agreed. Eddie smiled at that and then let go of him. Richie let him sit back, and then gently wiped his tears away.

“George, my real estate agent, he wants me to come back to Maine and check through the house for anything I want. He said I could bring a friend and he’d cover the flight…” he sighed and was grateful for Richie taking his trembling hands.

“Do you even want to do that?” Richie asked. Eddie shrugged.

“I dunno…it wouldn’t be nice or anything like that, but it might help me find some closure or something? Officially say goodbye to that hell hole,” he replied.

“Eds, I’m here for you no matter what, okay? If you want me to come with me, I’m more than willing,” Richie assured him. Eddie sniffled and pouted up at him.

“Thank you…I’m so sorry, this was really bad timing,” he said. Richie shrugged.

“Eh, life is unpredictable. George didn’t know he was being a cock block, and he was just doing his job,” Richie said. Eddie sighed and covered his face.

“Shoot…fuck, you didn’t cum, did you? I’m so sorry, did you want me to—“

“Don’t you dare worry about me right now. I’m a grown man, okay? I’ve starved off my fair share of boners before, I can do it again. Besides, I don’t want you to do something like that when you’re upset. All I want is for you to be okay,” Richie assured him. Eddie huffed. As much as he wanted to argue, he just had an incredible high followed by the lowest low he’s felt since his last crash.

“You’re too selfless,” he grumbled. Richie laughed and kissed the top of his head.

“It’s almost like I care about you,” he teased. Eddie rested his head on Richie’s shoulder and let his eyes flutter shut. They always hurt after he cried. It was harder to cry on T, but he wasn’t immune to emotions. It was harder to cry when he had his mother completely cut off and blocked. Ever since he started accepting her calls again he’s been an absolute mess. “What can I do for you, Eds? What do you need?” Richie cooed. Eddie sighed.

“Fuck…some peanut butter M&M cookie dough would be really fucking good right now,” he cursed. Richie chuckled.

“I know just who to call for that,” Richie said pulling out his phone. He dialed Beverly’s number and wrapped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders.

“Either there’s an emergency, or you missed me despite just seeing me three hours ago,” Beverly’s voice came from the speaker, and Eddie instantly felt a sense of safety wash over him.

“I guess this classifies as an emergency then. I’ve got a very sad Eddie spaghetti with me right now who would love some peanut butter M&M cookie dough right now,” Richie said. Eddie rolled his eyes and lightly pawed at his chest.

“Don’t call me that when I’m sad,” he grumbled. Richie and Bev laughed, and he reached to for his shirt that he took off earlier.

“Well, lucky for you guys I just picked up a party size bag of them. Do you guys wanna make them with me, or should I meet you somewhere?” She asked. Richie looked to Eddie as he pulled his shirt on over his head.

“Um, go ahead and start making them in the lounge so you can use the mixer. I need to use the bathroom and we’ll meet you over there,” he said.

“Okay, sounds good. Love you guys!” She said.

“We love you too. See you soon,” Richie said and then hung up. Eddie got off the bed and rearranged their bags so the lube and condoms were in one and their snacks were in the other. He handed the bag of snacks to Richie, and was happy to be greeted with a kiss on the cheek when he stood up. “Better?” He asked. Eddie smiled.

“Definitely.”

They headed to the bathroom together. Going in there felt a lot better with Richie by his side. He could do it by himself, but it was the same feeling as going into the women’s or gender neutral bathrooms with Beverly. Stan and Bill’s dorms weren’t that close to Eddie’s, so they didn’t really go with him. That just made him more grateful to have Richie with him, and he had a much less stressful pee in the one stall the men’s bathroom had. He washed his hands, and dried them before letting Richie hold one as they walked out. It made him happy, but he still blushed as they walked into the lounge and Beverly gave him that knowing smile whenever she saw them holding hands. She was already creaming the sugar and the butter, and was working on adding the dry ingredients.

“There’s my favorite person,” she said as she turned off the mixer and gave Eddie a hug. He let go of Richie’s hand to accept it, and appreciated the extra squeeze.

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Richie asked. She rolled her eyes and hugged him too.

“You aren’t the one who’s very sad, okay? Maybe the next time you cry about something I’ll call you my favorite,” she said and turned back to the mixer.

“Miss Marsh, it would be an honor to be your favorite,” Richie said. She smiled and then turned the mixer on to add the flour and other ingredients.

“So what’s up? Do you wanna talk or just eat?” She asked. Richie plopped the bag of snacks they had and sat on one of the stools on the other side of the counter.

“My real estate agent called and asked me to come check the house for anything I want to keep,” Eddie told her. She frowned hearing that, and stopped the machine when it was fully combined.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. Are you gonna go?” She asked. He sighed as she added the M&Ms and folded them in the dough.

“I’m thinking about it. I dunno…I might get some closure or something,” he said.

“Do you need someone to go with you? My aunt gave me extra money for traveling,” she offered. Eddie walked around to sit next to Richie and leaned his elbows on the counter.

“He said he’d pay for my flight and a friend, and…I was thinking of taking Richie,” he confessed. She nodded.

“That’s okay. Whoever you want to go with you is fine by me. I’m still available to go if you need more support,” she assured him. He let out a deep breath. That’s something he loved about Beverly. She might tease sometimes, but she understands that Eddie doesn’t really play favorites.

“Thank you…I’m still thinking about it, but I’ll keep you updated. He wanted me to come this weekend because it’s going to sell soon,” he said. Richie rubbed his arm affectionately as he talked, and then Beverly handed them each a spoon full of cookie dough.

“Right before classes start?” She questioned with a raised brow.

“He doesn’t know my schedule. He barely knows my name,” he grumbled.

“God, did he deadname you?” Both Eddie and Richie nodded.

“His excuse was Eddie’s mother still had his birth name in there,” Richie said while rolling his eyes.

“I’ve corrected him every time he’s called, and he still gets it wrong,” Eddie said.

“How fucking hard is that? Just change the fucking name. It’s legally changed so what’s the big deal?” Bev questioned. Eddie shook his head and took a bite of his cookie dough.

“Thank you guys for being here for me…I really don’t know what I’d do without you both,” Eddie said. Richie wrapped his arm around his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

“That’s what friends are for, Eds,” he said. Eddie smiled and leaned his head on his boyfriend’s chest.

“Well…friends, and more then friends, I guess,” Beverly said. Eddie blushed and buried his face into Richie’s shoulder.

“Fuck off,” he groaned. They laughed and Richie tried to see his red face.

“Hey, I’m just saying. Whatever is going on between you guys is cute. I’m happy for y’all,” Bev said. Richie smiled too, and Eddie finally turned his head to face her.

“Uh…we’re dating…like it’s official…or…whatever,” Eddie told her. She tried to hold back her grin, but she couldn’t stop herself from smiling a little.

“That’s really sweet. Who else knows?” She asked.

“Like, no one,” Richie snorted. She frowned.

“What? Why?” She asked.

“Bill walked in on us when we got home, and they got in another fight. They just made up a few days ago, so I’m like waiting to tell everyone so he doesn’t blow his top again,” Eddie explained. Beverly rolled her eyes.

“That boy is so possessive, and yes, I said _boy_. No grown man acts like him. We hooked up like once in freshmen year, and it took him a year to stop getting jealous over every guy I made out with,” she said.

“Fuck, I remember that. Yeah, he’s just…fucking clueless,” Eddie sighed.

“He literally wouldn’t listen to me unless Eddie was in the room! I tried to explain that I _never_ took advantage of Eddie, and he just kept calling me a creep,” Richie said.

“Still? Oh my god, is this about the jokes you made? You only really made those jokes around Bill,” she said.

“Yeah because it pissed him off,” Richie grinned. Eddie flicked his ear and he laughed.

“You don’t help by teasing him,” he scolded.

“Oof. Okay, daddy. I’ll be a good boy from now on,” Richie said. Beverly laughed at that, and Eddie got up to be on the other side of the counter with her.

“You’re fucking disgusting,” he said and scooped more cookie dough.

“C’mon, Eds. That was pretty funny,” Bev chuckled. He shook his head.

“Disgusting.”

But he did think it was kind of funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact I learned that condoms come in different sizes during my hoe phase and it honestly cracked me up. It’s good information to have though, but when I told that to my hook ups who wore condoms they were very hilarious about it.


	13. In which Eddie finally gets what he wants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for dysphoria: vaginal sex, fingering, oral sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope your night hasn’t been too stressful! I’m posting this now incase any of y’all can’t sleep tonight and need to take your mind off things. If you’re already asleep and you get this notif in the morning I hope it cheers you up/helps your hangover.

The rest of the night was pretty enjoyable. They went to Beverly’s dorm to finally finish off her sleepy time blunt, and chatted for a couple hours. Most of the conversation consisted of what they did over the summer since they didn’t really talk much about that when they hung out as a group. Then Eddie and Richie left to return to Richie’s dorm and said their good nights. They shared a couple short and cute kisses before shedding their jeans and falling asleep. Eddie only fell asleep in the same bed as Richie a couple times during the summer, and he loved the feeling of sharing a bed meant for two people. It was a little cramped in their provided beds, but he liked how close they were. Falling asleep with Richie was the easiest thing for him to do, and after that phone call it was just what he needed.

Waking up was a little different this time. Usually they were facing each other because they were just a little too hopeless for each other to spoon for long. That morning Eddie woke up facing the wall with Richie pressed up against his back. His arm was warm around his waist, and he sighed as he settled further against his boyfriend’s chest. That was when he felt something stiff against his lower back, and he froze in place. He experimentally moved his lower half closer, and definitely felt a boner pressing against his butt. It was hard to believe this was the first time Eddie was in the same bed as Richie with morning wood, but unless they were spooning it was probably hard to notice. That, and he assumed it was easier to will away then a regular boner. He didn’t know for sure, but he definitely knew he was kind of turned on by it.

As much as Richie tried to make Eddie feel okay about leaving him hanging, he was never fully okay with it. Mostly because he was looking forward to having sex for the first time, but also because it just didn’t seem fair. So he arched his back a little and pressed directly against the bulge on him. He heard a tired little moan from behind him, and repeated the movement. He continued slowly until he felt the arm around him move and fingers touch over his hips. That made him pause, and then do it once more. The hand touched down his leg, and he did it again. Either it was the last straw or Richie was finally waking up, but it didn’t matter which because Eddie was happy to finally feel lips against his nape. His hand held Eddie in place as Richie rocked his own hips, and Eddie hummed with approval as he steadily rubbed his boner between Eddie’s cheeks.

“Mmh…Richie,” he moaned. Richie groaned hearing his voice, and moved to kiss more of his neck. Eddie tilted his head to welcome it, and bit his lip feeling his boyfriend rut against him.

Mm…I like this dream,” he murmured. His voice rough and husky. He squeezed Eddie’s hip and then his thigh, and Eddie pushed against him again since he let go of him.

“Not a dream, baby,” Eddie cooed. 

Richie huffed under his ear and suddenly his touch disappeared. Eddie blinked his eyes open in confusion, and was happy to be met with Richie turning him over and kissing him on the lips. If Eddie wasn’t so desperate for him, he would’ve told him to brush first. But he was, and he was even more desperate as Richie made his way between his open legs and he could feel just how hard he was through their boxers. He returned his hands to his body, and ran them under his shirt while rocking his hips against him. Eddie kissed him back and whimpered in his mouth as he hooked one of his legs over his hip.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Richie rasped. Eddie moaned and pulled at Richie’s shirt. They both put effort into banishing the garment, and it easily landed on the floor while Richie immediately returned their lips together. “I wanna eat you out so fucking bad. All those adorable fucking noises you made the first time have been stuck in my head all fucking summer,” Richie said. Eddie was preoccupied with his hands running over his boyfriend’s bare chest, but he was aware enough to nod and confirm.

“Yes…yes, please. Eat me out and fuck me. Please, I’ve waited so fucking long,” Eddie begged. 

He kissed Eddie hard before taking off his shirt as well and immediately pressing more kisses down his chest. Eddie gasped for breath when he felt Richie’s mouth through his boxers, and then reached for the elastic himself. They tugged off his underwear together, and when Richie put his mouth on him for the first time Eddie wanted to cry. He was melting into the sheets as Richie sucked and licked at his growth, and his fingers immediately met the others hair.

“Fuck…fuck… _fuck!_ “ he breathed. 

Richie wrapped his arms under his legs, and gripped Eddie’s hips in a way that made him moan louder. He wasted no time circling his tongue around him, and then pressing the muscle inside him. Eddie’s back arched, and he stuttered a moan in response. He decided to bite his lip to hold back some of his louder responses, but Richie was a bit incessant with his mouth. It was so constant and precise, and Eddie had never felt so good from one person before. He’s never let someone be so intimate with him before, and he was glad it was with Richie because it was so much better knowing Richie liked him for who he was. That and his mouth was really good at sucking and licking and pushing and Eddie was _losing it_.

“Richie! Oh my god! That feels so good, Richie. Please…fuck, please finger me too,” Eddie whined. Richie groaned against him, and obliged immediately. He pushed one finger in, and Eddie curled with it as it pressed against him just right. “Ah! Fuck!”

“You’re so loose and wet for me, baby. You want me to fuck you that bad?” Richie hummed before kissing his hip. Eddie nodded and tightened his grip on his roots.

“ _Yes_. Richie, I want you so much. You make me feel so good. No one makes me feel like you do,” Eddie panted. Richie moaned and sucked on his growth extra hard before adding a second finger. Eddie mewled with satisfaction, but not for long before Richie’s touch disappeared again. 

He looked up to see him grabbing the bag from last night and pull out one of the boxes of condoms and the lube they bought. For some reason it made him blush to see Richie eagerly open the bottle and warm up the product between his fingers. He pushed two in again, and pressed Eddie’s thigh down as he curled them again. Eddie whimpered and tried to move his thigh up, but it was only pushed down harder. His body wanted to move so badly, but Richie forcing him to stay in place and take it only turned him on more. He instead focused on moving his hips, and loved the glazed look in Richie’s eyes as he watched his body move.

“Y…your fingers are so big,” Eddie said. Richie looked him in the eyes and licked his lips.

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart? You like my fingers in you?” He cooed and gently eased in a third one. Eddie gasped and nodded he gripped the sheets behind him, and moved his hips harder against Richie’s fingers.

“Feels so good…almost as good when I fuck myself,” he said. Richie visibly clenched his jaw, and Eddie smiled. “Did you think about it? When you found me buying lube? Did you think about what I’d do with it?” He questioned. Richie hesitated before nodding.

“Like once…I felt guilty, but I was so turned on thinking about it,” he admitted. Eddie’s smile widened, and he reached for Richie’s wrist to direct his hand.

“What did you think about?”

“You…fingering yourself.”

“I do that…”

“What else do you do, baby?” Richie asked leaning over his body. 

“I fuck myself. I have…a vibrator, and just a dildo. They’re not that big, but it feels so good. Sometimes I’ll think about you and how you’d feel inside me,” Eddie told him. Richie groaned and then kissed him on the lips.

“Fucking shit…god, I want to fuck you so fucking hard. Make you feel fucking _amazing_ , sweetheart,” Richie rambled. 

Eddie whimpered hearing that, and pulled his fingers out. He grabbed the condom Richie got out, and opened it with his teeth. Richie moaned watching that, and then let Eddie roll the condom down. Richie used the left over lube on his hand to coat himself and gently pushed Eddie against the bed to position himself. He teased a little by rocking his cock against Eddie’s sensitive flesh, and then started to actually push in. Eddie’s face pinched a little, so he squeezed more lube out and covered himself more before pushing in again. His face looked less painful and more pleasured after that, and he let out the hottest cutest little sounds as Richie slowly pushed more and more in.

“Fuck, you’re so big,” Eddie gasped. Richie held his lower lip in place between his teeth, and bunched his fists with his sheets as he bottomed out. Once their hips were flushed Richie stayed there for a moment to let them adjust. Eddie’s chest heaved as he panted, and Richie was mesmerized looking down at the man under him.

“Holy shit…fuck, you look…Eddie, you’re so fucking sexy,” Richie stammered. His brain was working slow with the mixture of waking up and having sex with his boyfriend for the first time. It was sweet how, even with a flushed face, Eddie still blushed from Richie’s words.

“Richie…Richie, move. Fuck me,” he urged and rolled his hips. Richie groaned at the sensation, and did as he was asked. He pulled out an inch, and then pressed it immediately back in. It made Eddie moan, so he continued to do it over and over. Eventually he set a pretty consistent pace, and shamelessly let his eyes take in every single reaction and action Eddie made.

“More! Faster, Richie. Fuck me harder,” he said. His request was fulfilled, and he immediately moaned louder as Richie fucked him harder. He unclenched the sheets to grip his hips instead, and pushed him into every thrust. The added force made Eddie’s brows furrow, and he whined as he continued.

“Is that good, baby? You like it? Fuck, you look so good. You look like this is the best fucking thing you’ve ever felt,” Richie rasped. 

Eddie nodded in confirmation, and then reached down to stroke himself. He was cumming within seconds, and Richie’s jaw went slack as he came as well from watching. He continued thrusting until he slowly came to a stop. They stayed there for a moment as they caught their breath, and Eddie could barely keep his eyes open. Richie gently pulled out and got up to dispose of the condom. He tied it off and threw it in his trash can before returning to his boyfriend. Eddie was just barely breathing normally again, and couldn’t keep his eyes open for long.

“We should shower, Eds,” Richie cooed as he nosed his neck. Eddie hummed and leaned his head against Richie’s.

“Mm…tired.”

“I know, sweetheart, but you gotta get clean,” he pointed out. Eddie huffed.

“…okay.”

Richie lent him a pair of clean shorts and they got dressed enough to head to the bathroom. Apparently it was early as shit, and there was literally no one else in there. Eddie still forced Richie to use his own shower stall, and had his own shut tight. He knew he would easily give into any antics Richie would try, and he needed a moment to collect himself after such an amazing experience. They washed up, and got dressed in their stalls before returning to Richie’s dorm. Eddie grabbed his phone from his jeans and cursed when he saw the time.

“Fuck, it’s barely eight am,” he sighed. Richie came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Holy shit. How the fuck did we end up doing that so early?” Richie asked.

“You’re the one who was hard,” Eddie accused.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t the one grinding my perfect little ass against my boner, now was I?” Richie spoke under his ear as he held him tighter. Eddie felt breathless at that reminder, and he really wanted to do it all again. He wanted it in the first place to pay him back, but now he wanted more.

“Well…maybe you…uh…” Eddie’s mind was completely blank. Richie was still kissing down his neck, and he was getting excited again.

“Damn, have I actually left you speechless? This is incredible. I think I deserve a reward,” he chuckled. His laugh so deep and so close to Eddie’s ear it made his toes curl. He couldn’t stop the little whimper that left his throat, and he felt the lips stall over his collarbones. “You okay, Eds?” He asked.

“No…you’re turning me on again,” Eddie huffed.

“Oh…should I sto—“

“No!” Eddie quickly grabbed his arms and pulled them back around him when he tried to pull back. He’s never felt so wired from another persons touch before, and his body was still so sensitive from their previous activities.

“Okay…” Richie willingly returned his arms, and Eddie sighed.

“I started it because I still felt bad about last night,” he confessed.

“Eds, please. I don’t want you to do things for me just because you feel bad,” Richie cooed.

“Well, I fucking wanted it too, so don’t act like I was being completely selfless. I just…I wanted it so bad last night, and I wanted you to feel good too. Now I just…I want…more,” he explained. Richie nuzzled the side of his head and kissed his temple.

“That’s okay, sweetheart. Anything you want,” he whispered. 

The sound of his voice made Eddie want to melt into him, so he finally turned around to kiss him on the lips. Richie accepted it, but it didn’t last long before Eddie was undoing the tie to his sweatpants. The fabric dropped, and Richie tried to return Eddie to his bed. He was kind of successful, but was stopped before he could get on himself. His boyfriend sat on the edge of the bed and looked up with those big brown eyes. He pulled Richie’s boxers down and started kissing around his half hard length. It quickly got fully hard again when Eddie left a love bite next to his hip bone, and then wrapped his hand around it. He stroked him once or twice before taking the head in his mouth and following the movement of his hand. Richie groaned at the sight, and reached down to thread his fingers through Eddie’s hair.

“Holy shit, Eds…” he sighed. Eddie pulled off to cutely flick his tongue over his slit, and licked him slower.

“You’re so big, Richie. First time I sucked you off I loved it. So good watching you like it,” Eddie cooed. Richie growled deeper and accidentally rutted his hips forward in Eddie’s hand. That made him smile. “Should we see how much I can fit inside my mouth?” He asked. Richie nodded.

“Fuck yes,” he wheezed. Eddie giggled and then took his length into his mouth. He got more than halfway before Richie couldn’t help but stutter forward again. Eddie moved back before he could hit the back of his throat, and then grabbed his hips as he sunk himself even lower.

“Mmmh…” he moaned when he got close to the end. Richie sucked a breath in when he felt Eddie moan around him, and clenched his jaw.

“Holy shit…oh my god, you’re so fucking good at this. So fucking hot. So fucking wet,” Richie rambled. Eddie pulled off to smile at him before taking it all again and relaxing his throat to nuzzle against the hair on Richie’s tummy. “ _Fuck!_ Holy fucking shit, oh my fucking god,” he whimpered. Eddie pulled back and stroked him a few times.

“I want you again. Please. Fuck me again, Richie,” he pleaded. 

Richie immediately ripped off his shirt, and stepped out of his pants and boxers to tackle Eddie to the bed. They giggled before meeting for a kiss. He stripped Eddie of his clothes and let Eddie roll on the condom again before slicking it with lube. He then surprised him by turning around and presenting himself on his hands and knees. Richie took in the sight of his boyfriend with wide eyes and gently touched his hips as he throbbed from how much it turned him on. Eddie then looked at him over his shoulder and pouted. He wiggled his hips in hopes to tempt him further and was pleased to feel Richie rub the head of his cock against him.

“Do you want me to finger you a little bit first?” Richie asked. Eddie shook his head and lowered his chest to the bed to present himself even more.

“No, just fuck me already,” he huffed impatiently. Richie nodded and then gently pushed in again.

It was becoming more and more undeniable that nothing could compare to this feeling. Eddie tried to stay as still as possible while Richie pushed in, but he couldn’t help but shake and tremble from how good the stretch felt. How firm and hard he was, and how careful he was as he inched further and further. His hips pressing firmly against his ass as they both struggled to find breath. Eddie immediately buried his face into the sheets when Richie bottomed out, and even pushed back against him after a moment or two of no movement. That made Richie groan above him, and Eddie loved the sound of his boyfriend feeling good. He moaned in response and gently started to fuck himself on Richie’s cock.

“Holy shit, baby. That looks so fucking good. So fucking wet and so fucking hot,” Richie said. He grabbed Eddie’s ass as he moved, and Eddie moaned with approval. Then he started moving with him, and Eddie’s eyes rolled shut. He felt little kisses against his spine for a moment, and then cried out when Richie fucked him harder and pushed him into each thrust.

“Richie! Richie, ahh! Fuck, it feels so good. Richie…Richie. Fuck me harder, baby,” Eddie rambled while pushing the heels of his palms against the sheets to move himself closer. Richie groaned and gave one particularly hard thrust before holding them together and reaching down to circle his fingers around Eddie’s growth. He shivered and trembled more noticeably when he touched him like that, and whined when Richie started grinding into him. That seemed to be the perfect combination for him, and he was crying and cumming on Richie’s fingers.

“Shit…” Richie sighed as his boyfriend flinched and shuddered from the overstimulation. Eddie pulled his fingers away and pushed his hips back again.

“Cum…cum inside me,” Eddie moaned. Richie moaned with him and resumed his thrusting from earlier until he was spilling into the condom and growling from the heat.

“Holy fucking shit…” he wheezed and leaned down to kiss Eddie’s shoulder.

“Mmh…Richie…” Eddie whispered. Richie then pulled out and took care of the condom again. When he came back Eddie had collapsed on his side, and Richie climbed into bed with him. He greeted him with a kiss on the lips, and Eddie tiredly blinked up at him. They smiled together and kissed again.

“You okay?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded.

“Yeah…I should pee, right? That’s what they say about UTI’s?” He murmured. Richie chuckled and nodded.

“Yeah, do you want my shorts again?” He asked. Eddie nodded and got up to find them again.

“That was really good,” he hummed as Richie handed him his shirt. He nodded in agreement and gently kissed Eddie’s tummy as he left it exposed to pull the shirt on.

“Really really good,” he agreed.

“We should move to my dorm though. The bathroom is a lot closer to me,” Eddie said. Richie frowned.

“Wait, move to your dorm for what?” He asked. Eddie smoothed the shirt over his chest and then leaned down to give Richie a kiss on the lips.

“You didn’t think I was done with you just yet, did you?” He hummed cutely. Richie blushed and blinked at him with wide eyes when he pulled back.

“You mean—“

“You’re the one who bought three boxes of condoms. I’m just trying to put them to good use,” Eddie hummed and turned to head out. He then stopped before he opened the door and smiled at him. “Meet me in my dorm in like five minutes, okay? Bring the stuff,” he said. Richie nodded obediently and let out a deep breath when he left.

“Fuck…at least I know what I’m doing today.”


	14. In which Eddie goes home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: baby pictures, gendered language, misgendering

As much as Eddie genuinely did want to spend all day in bed with Richie, he couldn’t deny he was using it partly as a distraction. They ate breakfast after Eddie used the bathroom and got changed, and while they ate he checked his phone and was reminded that he said he would text George about going through the house. He put it off until noon so he could spend another couple hours overwhelmed in a much better way and pretend that it wasn’t something he’d have to deal with. That was when Richie was starting to get tired too, so it was a good opportunity to take a break. He typed out the message to George, and then turned to cuddle against Richie’s chest as they napped for the rest of the afternoon. When they woke up he told Richie he was going to take George’s offer and officially asked him to come with him. Of course Richie agreed, and then they left to have a late lunch.

Their plane was scheduled for Friday. He told Bill and Stan about it, and they offered to go as well. Eddie predicted that would happen, but he assured them he would be fine with just Richie and didn’t want to stress them out too much before school started. They just got back from Maine anyways, so they were more willing to agree to Eddie’s logic. The flight home was for Sunday morning, and so they’d have half the day to mentally prepare for classes on Monday. Thankfully Eddie didn’t need too many credits for his senior year, so he wasn’t too worried about it. Richie had a few extracurriculars, and Eddie was nervous to learn that he had theater with Bill.

“I dunno. I’ve known Bill since we were kids, and he’s never really not held a grudge before,” Eddie said a couple hours into their flight.

“Babe, it’s fine. Bill and I are getting along fabulously,” Richie assured him.

“We haven’t even told him we’re dating yet. I think he’d probably be put off by it,” he replied.

“Why would he be upset by that? It’s not like we change the way we act around him. He’s seen us holding hands all week,” Richie pointed out.

“And he looked constipated the whole time. You really didn’t make a good first impression on him.”

“Look, we got along really well before I started making those jokes, okay? I think he just has a soft spot when it comes to you. Like, he has to realize one of these days that you’re not some helpless kid who can’t speak for himself. I mean…it’s kinda weird,” Richie said. Eddie sighed and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah…it is. Ever since his little brother died, I feel like he sees me as his replacement. Which, like I do love Bill like a brother, but we’re the same age, and I’m nothing like Georgie,” he vented.

“What happened anyway? I feel like I can’t ask him about it, especially after that fight,” Richie asked.

“Oh, Bill had a little brother named Georgie. He died when we were in middle school, but he basically got lost on a rainy day and we never found him. It was only like a couple summers ago they found his rain jacket and body parts in the river. Bill didn’t take it too well and kept going on about how he should’ve been there for him and played outside with him. Like, he even holds a grudge against himself. He doesn’t know how to forgive and move on,” Eddie explained. Richie nodded.

“Geez. That’s a lot to hold against yourself. I couldn’t imagine Sarah thinking like that if I died in that situation.”

“Exactly. He’s got a really weird individuality complex.”

“Well, he and I will be fine having a couple classes together. We survived last year, right?”

“Not without some bruises,” Eddie reminded him. Richie shrugged.

“Eh, that was because we were both intentionally being assholes. I won’t do anything if he won’t,” he said.

“He might see us dating as you doing something.”

“Sometimes I think you like to make up problems, Eds. Everything will be fine,” Richie insisted and laced their fingers together. Eddie pouted and then sighed in defeat. He laid his head on Richie’s shoulder and rubbed his thumb against the back of his hand.

“I just worry about you…it’s almost like I care about you,” he murmured. Richie chuckled and kissed the top of his head.

“Wow. The cutest person in the world cares about me. How lucky am I?”

“You’re not lucky at all. I just like you.”

They landed in the Portland Jetport and ordered a Lyft to Eddie’s house. George offered to give them a ride when they arrived, but Eddie declined in favor of not speaking to him in person. He only met George once when he was little and his mother was thinking about moving. It was for the best that she didn’t, so he didn’t see him at all after that. The drive wasn’t super cheap though, so Eddie was glad he offered to cover that too. It was about an hour away from the jetport, and when they turned into the familiar neighborhood Eddie couldn’t help but feel all the dread wash over him. Richie squeezed his hand, and they shared a smile before the car parked in front of Eddie’s childhood home. They left the car and said their thank you’d before turning to face the house.

“Well. It’s quite the looker,” Richie said looking at the old weathered paint and the overgrown lawn.

“It always looked like this. My mother was too worried about paint fumes and lawnmowers to do anything herself,” Eddie told him.

“Geez. That sounds like a personal problem,” he said. Eddie rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“She was really crazy about being clean. Total hoarder, germaphobe, emotional manipulator. No one ever had a pleasant conversation with her,” Eddie told him and stepped closer to open the gate.

“She sounds like a lovely woman,” Richie hummed and followed him to the front porch. The wood squeaked under their feet, and Eddie reached under the front door mat to grab the spare key. He unlocked the door with a little jiggle, and pushed it open with his shoulder.

“The door got fucked up when I told her I was going to California for school,” he said and stuffed the key in his pocket.

“Why do I have a feeling it was her fault?” Richie mused out loud.

“Because it was,” Eddie confirmed and lead him inside. He closed the door behind him, and braced himself before turning around and facing his childhood home. It was much emptier than the last time he saw it. His aunts really cleaned house. “Wow. I’m surprised George even wanted me to look,” he scoffed.

“I mean…do you have any emotional attachment to furniture?” Richie asked while eying the empty dining room and living room. All that was left were a few boxes of dish ware and books. They left the TV stand and a couple chairs, and the kitchen was completely missing the stove and dishwasher. The fridge was still there, but it was tiny. He wasn’t surprised they left that behind.

“Not really. She spent all day every day in her lazy boy. The couch was really ugly, and the table was ugly too,” Eddie said.

“Well…I guess we’re here for the next couple days,” Richie murmured. Eddie nodded and walked over to the boxes. 

His mother didn’t really have expensive china or brass tea sets like the other kids in his class did. She always got their dishes from the goodwill and steamed them on high in their dishwasher. The silverware was always cheap and tasted like metal. Looking through them, all the forks had bent prongs, and the spoons were flat. The knives were dull, and all the plates had some kind of crack or fracture in them. Probably from his aunts plopping the box on the ground without a care if they survived or not. He wasn’t sad that they were broken, but he was sad that his aunts seemed to care for him just as much as his mother did. Needless to say, that box was a pass.

“Lots of books about taxes and shit,” Richie said as he skimmed the top of the second box. Eddie nodded and took out the top three.

“She was really bad with numbers. Which is ironic since she worked in sales…” he murmured and set the manuals to the side. 

There were a few kids books Eddie remembered reading when he was little that piqued his interest. They were mostly picture books with a couple chapter books he read in the third grade. He decided to set those closer to him and keep them. Just because reading was one of the few things he could do on his own without his mother, so he did it a lot. Then they found a couple Shakespeare books from when Eddie was in high school and his calculus textbook he was supposed to return in his senior year. Richie gawked at how smart Eddie was, but Eddie merely shook his head and said he would’ve flunked it if his teacher wasn’t so nice and understanding about his mother. Then they found the scrapbooks, and Eddie felt his heart freeze when he saw his childhood pictures.

The cover had a picture of Eddie in the bathtub. He was probably only a few months old, and the bathtub was filled with little flowers and toys. His hair like little strands of hay, and his eyes just as big and brown as they were now. He hesitated for a moment, but opened it anyways and let Richie look at the pictures with him. Almost all the pictures were of Eddie in dresses and bows. There were some from the winter time, but he was in a bright pink snowsuit instead. Every page was decorated with pink sparkles and flower decals, and there were some pictures of him with his father with the title “daddy’s girl”. Seeing his fathers picture again made him choked up, and he slipped his fingers under the plastic to pull out the photo. His father was cradling him in his baby blanket, and for once he didn’t have some silly girly headband or flower. He flipped it to read the back, and felt his throat burn. In his fathers messy writing, it read “Happy birthday, sweetheart. Can’t wait for the next one.”

“Fuck…” Eddie sighed. Richie rubbed his shoulders as he sniffled, and turned the photo so he could read as well.

“Is that your dad?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded and wiped a tear away.

“He died before my second birthday…that’s why there’s only one of these scrap books. My mom really turned into a different person after he died. My aunts would talk about what they used to do as kids, and…it sounds nothing like her,” Eddie explained. Richie kissed the side of his head.

“I’m so sorry, Eds,” he murmured. Eddie shook his head and placed the photo on his little stack of books.

“She always said I had his eyes when I was little…I have like no memory of him, but I miss him so much,” he said.

“I bet he misses you too…and at least you have this picture now,” Richie pointed out. Eddie nodded and smiled at it.

“Yeah…I thought I hated all my baby pictures because my mom always dressed me up, but…I like that one.”

“I mean, you were pretty cute, dresses or not. Look at those cheeks,” Richie said pointing to a picture of Eddie in his high chair. He had red sauce all over his cheeks and noodles covering the tray in front of him. “Oh my god, are you eating spaghetti? Eddie spaghetti strikes again!”

“I hate you so much,” Eddie giggled and turned the page. There were less and less photos as they went on. The last photo was from Eddie’s third birthday, and it had the words “my little princess!” in stickers above it. Eddie was in a purple tutu with a pink crown eating cake. He was smiling with chocolate frosting covering his cheeks, and his hair was down to his chin.

“Wow, you were really blond as a kid,” Richie said. Eddie nodded.

“It got darker over time. Puberty made it brown,” Eddie said. Richie chuckled and kissed the top of his head.

“Thank you for letting me see this. You didn’t have to do that,” Richie told him. Eddie blinked up at him and then closed the scrap book.

“Thanks for looking through it with me…I dunno if I would’ve been able to by myself,” he replied. Richie smiled and then leaned down to kiss him on the lips.

“Anything for my Eddie spaghetti,” he said. Eddie rolled his eyes and kissed him again.

“Shut up.”

The rest of the box was just newspapers from over the years. They tossed all the stuff Eddie didn’t want back in, and then moved to the kitchen. There was take out in the fridge for them, and a nice note from George. They happily microwaved and ate the food, and then left some for dinner later. Then they found another box next to the stairs, but it was just a bunch of her clothes that Eddie assumed didn’t fit his aunts. Then they went upstairs and Eddie felt overwhelmed looking at all the open doors. There was his room, the bathroom, and his mother’s room. Richie took his hand, and he took a deep breath before leading them to his bathroom first. It was pretty empty, but they found his first facial razor below his sink along with things he used for his transition that he hid from his mother. He found his first empty bottle of testosterone in a little bag with his prescription and the used syringe. His sharps container was down there too, and it was nearly a fifth of the way full. Eddie was only a couple months on T before he left, so he wasn’t surprised to see it so empty.

Once they were all done in the bathroom Eddie stalled for a moment. He knew he had to go back into his bedroom eventually, but he really didn’t want to. He also knew that it was either sleep in his childhood bed or sleep on the floor downstairs. Richie could see that he was stressed out, and just looking at his door wide open was stressing him out even more. He was distracted when Richie took his hands, and he sighed as his boyfriend pressed kisses to his knuckles.

“Hey, you got this, okay?” Richie assured him. Eddie nodded.

“Yeah…my room just…doesn’t have a lot of pleasant memories,” Eddie told him.

“We don’t have to go in if you don’t want to,” Richie said.

“I know…but I kind of do. Just to get over it.”

“Then we’ll get over it together, okay?” Richie cooed. Eddie looked up at him and smiled. He was glad he picked Richie over everyone else. Everything would feel weird if it was anyone else.

“Okay…”


	15. In which Richie tells all

“Eds, you’re like fucking Repunzel up here,” Richie said poking his head out Eddie’s window. Eddie frowned and looked up from the box of old clothes in his closet.

“What do you mean?” He asked dropping the pants he was looking at and going over to look with him.

“Your room has a perfect path to climb into,” Richie said pointing down at the vines and the wooden pallets supporting them.

“Those were there when we moved in. It’s so gross,” Eddie said wrinkling his nose.

“Eddie, babe, if I grew up with you here, I’d be climbing this for fun,” Richie told him. Eddie raised a brow.

“Instead of the front door?” He questioned.

“Like your mother would let a kid like me waltzing in like I owned the place,” Richie scoffed and climbed up onto the window sill.

“Richie! Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Eddie hissed trying to pull him back down. Richie took his hand and stayed crouched as he hung off the bottom of the window plane.

“Could you imagine it though? If I knew you in high school, you bet your ass I would climb up here every night just to sneak in to see you,” Richie purred and kissed the back of Eddie’s hand. He laughed and shook his head.

“Yeah right. My mom would hear you the second you stepped foot on her property,” Eddie said.

“That’s why I’d sneak in during the night. She’s out like a light, and I’m crawling into her precious little boy’s bedroom with less than pure intentions,” Richie teased and finally hopped down. Eddie laughed, and allowed Richie to wrap him up and kiss him on the lips.

“You wouldn’t like me in high school. I sounded like a chipmunk,” Eddie said. Richie shrugged.

“I don’t care. Eddie is Eddie, and Eddie is my spaghetti. I don’t care when or where I have my Eddie spaghetti as long as I can touch your butt,” Richie claimed. Eddie laughed again and was happy to feel his hands ease over his ass and give him a playful squeeze.

“I had braces for a year,” Eddie told him.

“Only a year? I had mine for three,” Richie said.

“I still had boobs back then.”

“I’m very neutral about boobies. They look nice, but they don’t do much for me. I would’ve just ignored them,” Richie replied.

“I was…” he got cut off by a kiss, and he got lost in the euphoria of sharing affection with the one person who made it so amazing. “…I was really awkward. Lots of anger problems…I never had any free time…”

“And I would’ve been into all of it,” Richie murmured and then kissed him again.

“Mmh…Richie…”

“Yeah, Eddie-baby?” Richie hummed. He moved his hands up to slip under Eddie’s jacket and shirt, and as his fingers touched his bare skin Eddie felt completely helpless to his flirting.

“My mom still would hear you. You’d be out within seconds of stepping through my window,” he insisted. Richie pursed his lips and then looked over at the door.

“Well no wonder. You left the door open, silly,” Richie grinned. 

He walked away to shut it, and Eddie let him crowd him against the window sill before kissing him once more. Eddie’s body felt like jelly as Richie returned his hands under his shirt, and then gently cupped the other man’s face. Their lips worked slowly and sensually together, and Eddie was more than happy to receive the same kind of distraction he was chasing while they were on campus. His fingers then spread and curled through Richie’s roots. He gave a gentle tug as their mouths continued, and Eddie was happy to hear his boyfriend softly moan against his lips.

“See? She can’t hear a thing,” Richie cooed. Eddie smiled and ran his fingers through his curls.

“Would you really climb my window just to see me?” He whispered. Richie nodded immediately and pressed them closer together.

“I’d do anything for you, Eds. Although I don’t think my intentions would be /just/ to see you,” he said. Eddie giggled and let Richie kiss down his neck.

“Do tell what else you’d have in mind.”

“Well…obviously to talk to you too.”

“Obviously,” Eddie agreed sarcastically.

“And also to touch you…to hold you, and to kiss you. Make you feel _so_ good, baby,” Richie said before starting to leave a little hickey.

“Mm…how would you make me feel good, Richie?” Eddie asked while running his fingers down his neck and over his shoulders.

“Well, high school Richie wasn’t nearly as cool as current Richie, but…” he took a moment to kiss Eddie’s cheek and rest his forehead against Eddie’s. “I’d probably hold you as tight as I can, kiss you as hard as I can, and then do anything that you wanted me to do,” he cooed. Eddie smiled at that and played with the curls on Richie’s nape.

“Do you really think you’d like me back then?” He murmured. Richie nodded without hesitation.

“The way I feel about you, Eds…it transcends all space and time. I’ll _always_ feel this way about you. I’ll always want you to be happy…and to feel cared for, and…and appreciated,” Richie said. Eddie blushed and pulled him down for another kiss.

There was a lump in his throat as they made out in his childhood bedroom. It was always kind of there whenever Richie talked about how he felt about Eddie, and it was a reminder that Eddie was way head over heels for this guy. The funny thing about it was that Eddie always knew he was doomed to fall for him. From the moment they met he knew just how easily he’d fall in love with Richie, and that scared the absolute shit out of him. Mostly because he had no idea if he’d ever feel the same. His history with dating men usually consisted of casual stuff. No one wanted to take him seriously, and he was kind of okay with that since he didn’t care to take them seriously either. Richie was different though. He was serious in the most causal way. Like falling in love was easy, and it was a no brainer that they cared about each other.

Each kiss made Eddie sink deeper and deeper into Richie’s affection. He let him touch under his shirt even more, and squeeze the soft skin around his waist. It usually made him feel insecure. Another feminine part of his body that people liked to poke at if he didn’t wear anything loose enough. Richie touched him in a way that made him feel appreciated. He was soft, but he was still worth touching in a caring way. His body wasn’t meant to be labeled, it was just meant to be loved. It was overwhelming him in the best way, and he had to pull away and take a breather.

Opening his eyes to see the adoring look on Richie’s face made things even worse, so he looked over at his bed blushing. It was still made from the last time he made it the morning he came out to his mother. Richie kissed down his neck as that day replayed in Eddie’s head, and he curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as he realized his mother never touched his room once he left. That the boxes were there because George was preparing for it to be purchased, and that his mother merely pretended that he didn’t exist the second he cut her off.

“Richie…” he murmured sadly.

“Yeah?” Richie hummed and nosed under his ear. He sighed and gently pushed him back to look at him again.

“I…I dunno if I can do this kinda stuff here…there’s too many bad memories,” he murmured. Richie hummed and then gently cupped Eddie’s frowning face.

“Okay…what if we recontextualize this then?” He suggested. Eddie raised a brow.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Well, instead of thinking about your shitty mom and childhood…” he crouched down and suddenly swept Eddie off his feet. Eddie yelped and quickly latched into Richie’s neck as he carried them to the bed. He plopped Eddie down on his back, and then crawled over him with a silly smile. “What if we were freshly married, and checking into our shitty hotel for our honeymoon?” He said. Eddie’s face was bright red, and his eyes were wide as Richie shrugged off his backpack and jacket.

“Richie, what the hell?”

“Think about it! We eloped, and only our closest friends attended. We made Bill sign the witness line, and we have this little hotel room all to ourselves. You’re absolutely adorable in your little tux, and I am ready to ravish my blushing groom,” Richie continued and then leaned down to kiss him. Eddie accepted, and ran his hands down Richie’s bare arms. He was wearing one of his ridiculously patterned button ups with a teeshirt underneath, and he only liked them because he could feel more of his skin. That and because it was undeniably Richie Tozier, and Eddie was dangerously close to admitting he was fully in love with him.

“Mm…you want to get married?” Eddie asked when Richie finally let up enough for them to breath. Now Richie was blushing and he laughed nervously.

“Listen, pointed questions get answers that’ll pop your bubble, babe,” Richie said.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Eddie questioned. Richie sat back and sighed. He ran his hands over Eddie’s knees, and he had a noticeable tremor.

“Well, let’s say, hypothetically, I do want to marry you. Telling you that could either be a good thing or a bad thing, but based on the way you asked that it sounds like marriage, good or bad, is news to you,” Richie explained poorly.

“Do you want to get married or not?” Eddie deadpanned.

“Do _you_ want to get married?” Richie asked.

“That’s not the appropriate answer to that question, Richie. This isn’t a ‘I’ll do it if you want to do it’ kind of thing,” Eddie sassed.

“But it’ll be so embarrassing if I’m the only one who wants to get married! I already feel the peer pressure,” Richie whined dramatically.

“What peer pressure? Richie, there’s only two of us in this relationship!” Eddie snapped.

“Are we fighting? Is this our first fight?” He asked with a giddy smile.

“I’d say our first fight was when Bill told me you were making gross jokes about me and I took away your coochie privileges for the night,” Eddie said.

“I think that was more like a half fight,” Richie argued.

“Oh my god! It doesn’t matter! Do you want to get married or not?”

“Are you asking me to marry you?” Richie teased while wiggling his brows. Eddie groaned and kneed him in the stomach. “Oh fuck…” he groaned.

“Can you be serious for more than five seconds please?” Eddie requested.

“I don’t know where you got this whole marriage business from,” Richie wheezed while rubbing where Eddie kneed him.

“You’re the one who just narrated our wedding!”

“Yeah, but that was like for the theatrics,” Richie excused.

“Richie,” Eddie huffed. His boyfriend looked him in the eyes, and he held his stare. “Tell me the truth.” Richie sighed and carefully made his way between Eddie’s legs. He pressed a gentle kiss to Eddie’s forehead and then cupped his cheeks.

“I don’t wanna tell you,” he said.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m scared you’ll hate it and you’ll break up with me,” Richie confessed. Eddie blinked in surprise hearing that. No one had ever been scared that Eddie would leave. Even when he left his mother she went on about how he would come back.

“…do you really think that’s something I’d break up with you over?” Eddie asked. Richie nodded and pressed his mouth to the top of his head. It wasn’t a kiss, but it was enough to tell Eddie what he was thinking. “Richie…whether you want to or not…I’m not going to break up with you over that. I just…I want to know what’s going through your head,” he assured him. Richie sighed through his nose and curled his fingers into Eddie’s hair.

“I’m so scared of losing you. Eds, you have no idea what you mean to me…like, this is the first time I’ve ever _allowed_ myself to like someone I actually like. I don’t wanna make this all about me, but…you make me so happy just existing that I’d do anything for you,” he said. Eddie bit his lip and then wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck.

“Richie…” he whispered.

“So like…yeah. Okay, _yes_. I’d fucking love to marry you. I’d go through hell just to find you the perfect ring. I’d gloat about it to your mom while I’m down there, and I’d do it in a fucking heartbeat. But I’d only do it if you wanted it. All I care about is how happy you are, and if you don’t want to get married then like hell no. But at the same time like hell yeah, y’know?” Richie finally answered. Eddie gently pushed on his shoulders so they could look at each other, and he smiled at his boyfriend.

“You’re so stupid sometimes,” he sighed. Richie blushed and then shrugged.

“Hey, I’ve got ADHD. I’m basically conditioned to be a people pleaser,” he replied.

“And _I_ care about _you_ , and I don’t need you to try and please me. If you want something from this relationship…you’re allowed to ask for it. This is a two way street, Richie. I want you to be happy too,” Eddie told him. Richie blinked, and Eddie was a little shocked to see tears pop up over his cheeks.

“Shit, Eds. Way to make me fucking cry,” he said. Eddie wiped the tears away.

“I cry in front of you all the fucking time. There’s nothing wrong with crying,” Eddie said.

“Yeah, but your mom died, so you have an excuse,” Richie sniffled and sat back to wipe his own tears. Eddie sat up with him and rubbed his arm in attempts to comfort him.

“You don’t need an excuse to cry. Sometimes…you just need to cry,” Eddie said with a little smile. Richie smiled back and shook his head.

“It’s just…so much, y’know? How normal it was for my parents to talk about my future like I was automatically straight. The first time they talked about who I would marry they always assumed I’d be with a woman, and it just didn’t sound right to me. I thought I was fucking broken because I didn’t wanna get married,” Richie opened up. Eddie nodded.

“I know the feeling…my mom always talked about my wedding dress and how she would give me away instead of my father. It made my skin crawl,” Eddie said.

“Right? It was just…ugh, it was annoying honestly. I always tried to change the subject because it made me so uncomfortable. Then as I grew up they started to get more progressive so it was all like ‘it’s okay if you’re gay’, but it always felt like a big fat _if_. Like that would never happen, but _if_ it did we wouldn’t kick you out,” he continued.

“Geez. That sounds loaded just hearing it through you,” Eddie noted.

“Yeah, it really was…even when I ran away I was still trying to be straight. It was like forced on to me so young I thought I had to marry a woman to make my parents happy. I was really hopeful about Bevvy too. She was the only woman I could see myself married to and like actually tolerate it.”

“But she knew you didn’t like her that way,” Eddie told him. Richie sighed looking down at his hands.

“It was like kissing my sister or my cousin. I just…didn’t feel anything. Well, it felt _wrong_ , and I didn’t feel anything _good_. It was just…bland. I couldn’t focus on it either, so whenever we tried to do anything more I’d just start talking and we’d just go to the vending machines…” Eddie nodded as he remembered the first time they met. “Eds, when I first saw you…fuck, that was it for me,” he confessed. Eddie frowned.

“That was it? What do you mean?” He asked. Richie’s hands were still shaking, so Eddie took them and tried to comfort him with a kiss to his knuckles.

“I mean…I-I mean that was _it_. I saw you and I knew that no one would make me feel the way you do. You’re just…you’re everything I’ve ever wanted and then some. You’re the person for me. I dunno why, but…I just know that if we ever break up I won’t be able to find a person who makes me feel the way you do. Every person I’ve ever been with or might end up with…they’re just not you, and that’s _devastating_ ,” Richie explained. Eddie kept his lips against his knuckles the entire time, and he felt his own eyes water.

“Richie—“

“Eds, please. I’m gonna have a fucking heart attack right now. I bottle shit up so much, the last time I seriously actually talked about my feelings I almost shit myself,” Richie said. 

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh a little at that, and looked up to see Richie trying to take deep breaths. He kissed him on the cheek, and then got up to grab an old teeshirt from one of his boxes. Then he returned to the bed and started ripping it. Richie watched in confusion as Eddie ripped out little strips. He tied one around his thigh, and then looked up at Richie as he reached for his hand. His boyfriend let him take his left hand and then he tied the short strip around his ring finger. He sniffled as Eddie kissed the fabric and then handed him the last strip.

“Do you want to do the honors?” Eddie asked. Richie chuckled wetly then nodded. He took Eddie’s left hand and tied the fabric around his ring finger. He kissed the fabric just like Eddie and then kissed him on the lips.

“When are we telling your parents that we eloped?” Eddie asked before Richie could kiss him again. The biggest smile split across Richie’s face, and he kissed him regardless.

“Not for a long time. I need some personal time with my husband first before I share you with Maggie Tozier again,” he purred. Eddie giggled and guided Richie’s hand to the makeshift garter for him to pull off.

“I’m all yours, Richie. From the moment I saw you,” Eddie whispered. Richie pulled off the fabric, and cupped Eddie’s face.

“Me too…you’ll always have me.”


	16. In which Eddie tries not to fall, and then hits the ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long!! This chapter has all the smut and fluff to hopefully make up for my absence :((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for dysphoria: oral sex, vaginal sex

The next couple days with Richie were both unbelievably magical and absolutely scary. It was easy to get lost in their little fantasy, especially after they got carried away for the first time in his bedroom, but as time passed Eddie was quickly realizing how much easier their play could be a reality. He nearly cried when they had sex on his childhood bed. Richie’s hands so soft and his lips so gentle with each kiss that caressed his face. Their bodies so close, and their mouths inseparable as Richie slowly rocked into him. It was the slowest they’ve ever gone, and Eddie honestly could’ve stayed there for _hours_ with Richie inside of him. The friction, the passion, the pure affection Richie showered him with was unlike anything Eddie had ever experienced. His heart ached the whole time, and it nearly burst when Richie grabbed his hand towards the end and kissed the makeshift ring around his finger. Watching it made Eddie want to sob, and he merely whimpered instead before Richie leaned down to kiss his lips again.

The rest of the day they spent giggling and teasing each other. They dressed themselves, and then went downstairs to finish the takeout for dinner. Then Eddie showed him the backyard. Richie ended up tackling him to the grass, and held him close after they wrestled around for a minute. When it started to get dark they went back inside, and got ready for bed together. As they brushed their teeth together and then showered together, Eddie couldn’t help but notice how seamless it all was. Like they were really a newly married couple staying in a shitty Airbnb to celebrate because they were too poor. That thought continued as they settled into bed, and followed him as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep in Richie’s arms. Waking up it was still there, but feeling soft kisses on his cheek distracted him enough to let it escape to the back of his mind.

Their next day Eddie decided to show Richie around town. He didn’t want to do much exploring because it was a pretty small town and it didn’t treat him well when he came out and started transitioning. No one really recognized him though, so he felt a little bit better actually going inside stores and whispering to Richie about his memories about them. They got ice cream, and then decided to catch the bus to Portland to see the water. The bigger city felt much more welcoming, and they even dared to hold hands as they walked through a park near the water together. Once they finished their ice cream they took a couple pictures to send to their friends. George called a little bit after that, and they sat on a nearby bench for Eddie to talk to him about the few things he was keeping. After that they took the bus back to his hometown, and stopped by one of the local diners for lunch.

“Are you seriously having waffles for lunch?” Eddie questioned after the waitress set down their food.

“Eddie-baby, you can’t just take me to a diner that has a menu that says ‘all day breakfast’, and expect me not to order breakfast food,” Richie replied as he absolutely drowned his waffles with syrup.

“That’s so gross,” Eddie said wrinkling his nose. Richie chuckled and then started digging in. Eddie focused on his burger and then blushed when he felt Richie’s toes nudging him. He looked up, and couldn’t help but smile as Richie looked at him with that adoring expression of his.

“You’re so cute,” he replied. Eddie only blushed deeper and picked up a couple fries.

“I hate you.”

“I’m wounded. I’d hope my husband at least likes me a little bit,” Richie said. Eddie nearly choked on the fry, and covered his mouth. “Cute.”

“I’m _choking_. How is that cute?” Eddie coughed before taking a sip of his water.

“Well anything my Eddie spaghetti does is cute. It’s like math,” Richie said.

“Richie, what the fuck are you on about this time?” Eddie sighed.

“Math. Y’know. Math always means the same thing no matter what language you speak. Eddie spaghetti is always cute no matter what he’s doing,” Richie explained.

“That hardly makes sense.”

“But it kinda does, doesn’t it?” He said with a grin. Eddie couldn’t help but smile back and shook his head.

“It doesn’t.”

“Well, Mr. Tozier, we’ll just have to agree to disagree,” Richie said proudly. Eddie blinked at him with wide eyes. “Uh…was that too much?” Richie asked. Eddie shook his head.

“No, sorry. Just…” he cleared his throat and then looked down. “Who said I’d take your last name?” He questioned. Richie chuckled.

“Okay, fair enough. I would be honored to be your Mr. Kaspbrak instead,” Richie assured him. Eddie smiled again and ate another fry. “Although, uh Wentworth might have some things to say about that,” he confessed. Eddie frowned.

“What do you mean? I thought you said your parents are supportive,” Eddie said. Richie nodded.

“They are. It’s just…they still happen to be traditionalist. They wouldn’t want you to take my last name because you’re trans, but it’s more like they would expect me to hyphen before I just straight up took your last name,” Richie explained. Eddie’s blush returned as he wondered how much thought and preparation Richie put into the idea of getting married.

“Have you…have you talked about this with them?” He asked.

“God, no. Not at all. I’d rather get married in secret then deal with my parents during my wedding. I guess this is all just an assumption I’m making based on how they raised me,” Richie answered.

“Do you want to tell them about it eventually?”

“Eventually, yeah. But…like I said last night. I need some personal time with my husband before I give you up to my parents,” Richie replied smiling again. Eddie always felt so flushed when Richie specified that Eddie was the one he would be married to. Going along with the whole thing definitely helped make staying in his childhood home easier, but it also forced Eddie to confront the fact that he was falling so deeply in love with Richie.

“I think I’d like that too…personal time with my husband sounds really nice right now,” Eddie said coyly while pushing his own toes up Richie’s leg.

“Hey, can we get some to-go containers and the check?” Richie asked the waitress passing them. She nodded and they smiled at her as she left for the boxes. “Literally, the minute we get home we’ll have as much personal time as you want,” Richie purred. Eddie bit back his grin, and then ate another fry.

Richie’s lips were on him before they even got the door open. The whole time Eddie was unlocking it and trying to shove it open his boyfriend was pressing kisses all over his nape and his neck. By the time he got it open Richie was trying to pull off his jacket, and Eddie giggled before turning to pull him inside. They shoved the door close with their bodies as they kissed, and Eddie’s jacket was successfully tossed to the side. Then Richie’s backpack and his own jacket joined it, and Eddie yelped when Richie crouched down to pick him up. His legs immediately wrapping around Richie’s waist to keep him up along with strong arms gripping his thighs and dangerously close to his ass. They laughed together as Richie walked them towards the stairs, but didn’t make it all the way up as he set Eddie down on one of the steps to kiss him deeply again. Eddie was more than welcoming to the digression, and arched his back for Richie to touch him some more. They indulged in heavy kissing and stripping shirts before they finally got up to get to their goal.

It really didn’t feel like Eddie’s bedroom anymore. Walking in with Richie’s arms around him felt more like a temporary home for them to simply live in. Even as he was pressed against the mattress, the familiar groaning of the bed springs didn’t sound the same either. He eagerly welcomed Richie’s affections down his body, and watched with hazy eyes as he undid Eddie’s pants. They were also tossed to the side with his boxers, and when Richie turned back he got right to business. He ducked down to kiss his thighs and then spread him wide before pressing his tongue against Eddie’s growth. The heat and the dripping wetness from his mouth immediately made Eddie gasp, and he opened his body completely to the man between his legs.

“ _Oh_ …Richie, oh my god,” Eddie moaned.

“So fucking cute,” Richie sighed before sucking on the sensitive flesh. Eddie whimpered and gently rolled his hips into his boyfriend’s face.

“Finger me. Please, I want you inside me,” Eddie requested. 

Richie nodded and pulled back to grab the lube they left on Eddie’s nightstand. He got right back to licking and sucking on him as he snapped it open and warmed up the product between his fingers. He pushed the first one in, and Eddie reached down to run his fingers through Richie’s hair. They made eye contact, and Richie sucked on him in the most perfect way just to watch Eddie crumble. His brows pinched as the pleasure overwhelmed him, but he didn’t dare look away as Richie kept sucking harder and moving his jaw. He pushed his finger in and out, but it was easy to ignore until he added a second finger. It was even more demanding when his fingers curled up against his walls, and Eddie had to break the eye contact to fling his head back and simply experience the pleasure running through his body.

“Richie…fuck, Richie,” he gasped.

“Are you going to cum, baby?” Richie asked. He continued his fingers ruthlessly, and enjoyed the little whimper Eddie gave in response.

“Mmh…maybe…i-if you keep doing that…then yes, absolutely,” Eddie replied. Richie grinned and then kissed his hip before returning his mouth to his throbbing length.

It might’ve been hours Richie spent between his legs. It might’ve been minutes. Either way, Eddie was in heaven as he felt his climax slowly build inside him. He only used two fingers, but two was more then enough with the way they curled and pushed up against him. Paired with the incredible sensation of his mouth it easily made Eddie’s legs twitch and shake as he continued. He couldn’t do much besides uselessly grip at Richie’s hair and lay back to take everything that was given to him. His body jolted as Richie started to move his fingers faster, and he tightened his grip on the black curls as he sucked and swirled his tongue around him.

“Yes! Yes, like that! K-keep doing that, please. Oh _fuck_ ,” he sighed. Richie obliged and used his free hand to rub at Eddie’s hip bone. His body only trembled harder the longer Richie went, and eventually he was whining and crying as he felt his orgasm approaching faster and faster the longer Richie kept the same pace he told him to. “Richie! Richie, oh my god! Mmm! I’m cumming. I’m gonna cum, oh _shit_ ,” he warned. Richie only continued as normal, and Eddie sobbed as the heat released and flooded his body. He jerked with every push of overstimulation, and the smile on Richie’s face told Eddie he did it on purpose with every curl of his fingers.

“You’re so hot, baby. I can feel you holding onto me. It’s so sexy. You’re _throbbing_ ,” Richie cooed as he started pushing his fingers in and out instead of curling them. Eddie moaned weakly and reached down to pull him closer. Richie let him, and they kissed as he pulled his fingers out completely. He only cradled Eddie’s head with his clean hand, but he didn’t have time to wipe his mouth before Eddie was kissing him. Eddie didn’t really care as he touched down Richie’s body.

“Mhh…get the condom,” Eddie whispered against his lips. 

Richie nodded and then turned back to the nightstand. He undid his pants and wrapped himself up, and then let Eddie get up and crawl into his lap. Eddie grabbed the lube and covered him with it before guiding the tip of his cock to his entrance and slowly inching down his length. They moaned together as Eddie sat himself down firmly in Richie’s lap, and then kissed as they got adjusted. Richie’s arms wrapped tightly against Eddie’s waist, and he was very quick to start rolling his hips up into the other man. It instantly made Eddie moan, and he kissed him harder as he tried to grind down against him.

“Mh…Richie…baby, it feels so good,” Eddie murmured against his lips. Richie nodded and pinched his brows as he reached down to grab Eddie’s hips instead of his waist.

“So good, sweetheart. I love doing this with you. You’re so warm. Wanna do this with you forever,” Richie whispered back. Eddie hummed and couldn’t ignore the implications of Richie’s words. He wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck and pressed their foreheads together as he ground his hips down even harder.

“Yeah? You wanna do this? You wanna fuck your husband forever?” Eddie asked. Richie groaned and then rocked up into him rather harshly and held Eddie down against it. The friction made him moan, and gasp as Richie did it again.

“Fuck, say that again,” he requested. Eddie smiled.

“Do you like that, baby? You like fucking your husband? Are you gonna fuck me really good, baby? Make your husband cum again?” He cooed. Richie groaned even louder, and then tackled Eddie to the bed. He attacked him with kisses as he thrusted his hips at his own pace. Eddie welcomed the change of positions, and continuously stroked Richie’s hair while they kissed and moved against each other.

“Fuck…baby, you’re so sexy,” Richie wheezed.

“Mmh! Richie! Faster, please,” he requested. Richie obliged, as he always did, and kept their lips pressed together as he began hammering his hips into him.

“So hot…so wet. I love fucking you. Love fucking my husband. So much,” Richie said while cupping Eddie’s face and stroking his cheeks. He didn’t expect tears to roll down his own face, but hearing Richie say the words “love” and “husband” in the same sentence made him want to burst. He reached down to stroke himself as Richie continued kissing and fucking him, and he quickly came again thinking about how much he desperately wanted to actually be on his honeymoon with the love of his life.

“Richie! Richie, I’m cumming. I’m cumming again,” Eddie announced. Richie growled and his hips stuttered as Eddie’s body was overwhelmed with heat once more. He moaned as he squeezed around him, and he quickly followed as Eddie came for longer.

“Holy shit, Eds,” Richie gasped. 

Eddie whimpered and then pulled Richie down on top of him. His boyfriend let him, and rested on top of him as Eddie wrapped himself around him as much as possible. Warm lips lazily pushed up and down Eddie’s neck as he clung to his boyfriend, and he cradled Richie’s head. Black curls soft and whispering against his lips before he kissed the top of Richie’s head, and was then met with a kiss on the lips.

“You okay?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded and realized he still crying as Richie wiped more of his tears away.

“Yeah, it’s just…really nice,” he replied. Richie smiled back at him. His glasses were fogged a little, but he could still see the adoration in Richie’s eyes.

“Yeah. It is pretty nice isn’t it,” he agreed. They giggled together and kissed once more.

“We should go to bed early tonight. We have to wake up before five for the plane,” Eddie reminded him. Richie nodded.

“Fuck, that’s so early,” he grunted. Eddie giggled again and pushed his hair out of his face so he could see him more clearly.

“I really appreciate you coming with me, Richie. I don’t think I’d be able to handle this without you,” Eddie said.

“Of course. Like I would miss my own honeymoon,” Richie teased. They laughed again, and Eddie sighed.

“I dunno why I thought you would.”


	17. In which Richie makes a promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long! I had to take a break bc my brain has been foggy recently, but I’ve just finished this fic up in my drafts. Fair warning the next few chapters are going to be a little intense but they’re going to tie everything up pretty nicely. I don’t have plans for an epilogue currently, but that might change.
> 
> After this I’m going to be working on a fake dating story and I’m excited bc I’ve only written one other fake dating story when I was writing miraculous. I can’t believe I haven’t written one since then :0 
> 
> Also I still have a chapter or two in my drafts for “Morbid Affairs”, but for now that one is officially on hiatus as well as “Grow up and Blow away” and “When the flowers are in bloom”. I know that’s a lot of fics on hold, but I do work full time in the middle of a pandemic rn so I’m not on top of my writing game like I used to back in highschool and college ;-;
> 
> Thank you!!

The morning they got home Eddie immediately dragged Richie to his dorm to pass out. He came willingly, and when they woke up it was well into the evening. Between waking up early and the jet lag, the nap was well needed. Eddie decided to put his things that he brought from home away in his room, and pinned the photo with his father on the wall. After that they visited their friends for dinner and then actually started to prepare for classes to start the next day.

For the next couple weeks Eddie felt a strange mixture of on top of the world and on the edge of a cliff. They kept the fabric rings they made, and they still playfully called each other husbands when they were alone. Every waking moment Eddie was scared he would spill everything out in the open. That he wouldn’t be able to hold his tongue and that he’d tell Richie all about how grossly and disgustingly in love he was with him. He knew he had to tell Richie inevitably, but he was absolutely terrified to say it. His whole childhood he was conditioned to think that love was obsessive. That it was sickening and worrisome. His mother always claimed that she yelled and panicked about him because she loved him. Thankfully his friends showed him a different kind of love, and he could easily tell them that he loved them. But this was different. This was _in_ love. This was _I want to spend the rest of my life with you_ love. The kind of love that made his stomach flutter and his hands sweaty whenever Richie looked at him with that stupid dopey smile for too long. The scariest part was that he was almost certain that Richie felt the exact same way, and Eddie didn’t know if he could handle that.

“Where’s Richie? Aren’t you guys usually attached at the hip since you guys became official?” Beverly asked. They were doing homework in Eddie’s dorm together. Usually Eddie did it in the library, but Richie was in there working on a project with Bill. In all honesty, he was avoiding him a little bit, but he also didn’t like to be in the same room as Richie and Bill incase he caught on to their relationship.

“Library. He’s with Bill,” he answered. She pursed her lips.

“Fair enough. I wouldn’t wanna be there if I were you either,” she agreed. They laughed together and Eddie fidgeted with the fabric around his finger. It was starting to get dirty, and he had no idea how he wanted to replace it.

“Yeah. We still haven’t told him, but I’m thinking we’re going to have to eventually,” he said.

“I mean, it’s totally within reason if you didn’t tell him until much later. He was kind of a dick,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but Bill is like a brother to me. Not in the way he sees me like a brother, but we still grew up together. He was just being an over protective baby. He was like that back in Maine, but it was like actually called for,” Eddie defended.

“Alright. If you say so,” Beverly said. Eddie nodded and turned back to his notebook. “What is that, by the way? It looks like it’s getting dirty, and I’ve never seen you willingly keep something you can’t wash,” she asked pointed to his finger. Eddie blushed and looked back to the fabric.

“Oh…uh, it’s a long story,” he murmured.

“Does it have something to do with your mom? I didn’t notice it until after you got back from Maine,” she prodded.

“Not my mom, but…I made it in Maine,” he confessed. Her eyebrows raised.

“Oh you made it! Is it like from a special baby blanket or something?” She asked excitedly. She loved all the things Eddie brought home with him. The books and the picture made her heart melt, and for once Eddie was happy to share some of his past. They read the books again and again together all weekend.

“No. Um, it’s just a ring,” he felt his face get flushed and avoided her eyes.

“I can’t help but feel like you’re not telling me everything, and as your best friend I feel obligated to demand to know everything,” she said. Eddie groaned and covered his face. It was only getting redder by the second.

“It’s nothing important, okay? It was just…something silly Richie and I did to make the trip fun,” he said.

“Richie has one too? Aw, that’s kind of cute,” she smiled. Eddie huffed and pulled his hands away from his face.

“Bev…I’m really scared,” he confessed. She frowned and then moved to sit next to him on the bed.

“What’s wrong, Eds? Is everything okay?” She asked.

“Everything is… _great_ honestly. I just…Bev, I’m so in love with Richie, it’s terrifying,” Eddie told her with big sad eyes. Her brows pinched like they always do when she hears something that makes her heart burst.

“Oh…Eddie, that’s so sweet,” she cooed and rubbed his shoulder.

“I’m too scared to tell him though. That entire weekend…he was talking about getting married, and…we basically pretended to be on our honeymoon the whole time,” Eddie said.

“Oh my god, that’s so cute. Is that what the rings are for?” She asked. Eddie nodded.

“Bev…I’ve never felt this way about a person before. When I think of the word love I get so scared because my mother always insisted that she loved me the most, and that no one would ever love me as much as she did,”

“Well, that was obviously a lie,” Bev scoffed. Eddie nodded in agreement.

“I just…it took me a while to get comfortable with the love I get from you and all my other friends. This…it’s so different, I can’t explain it.”

“What exactly are you scared of?” Beverly asked.

“I dunno…I guess I’m scared that my mom was right. That when you love someone it’s absolutely awful. I can’t imagine it, but the idea of Richie treating me the way my mother did, or even me treating him that way just terrifies me. I don’t want us to be like my mom. She was so _suffocating_ ,” Eddie was almost shocked to hear himself say it out loud. It was always underlying, but he never put this fear into words.

“Eddie, your mom was like crazy. She had a very unhealthy idea of what love is. You guys are so good for each other. Literally, like the moment Richie met you I could feel a difference in him. In you too!” She assured him.

“I wish I could just…get over this. It’s so irrational, but like my mom _forced_ me to associate love with panic,” he said.

“Have you tried explaining that to Richie? Or even talking about how you don’t want to be like your mom?” She asked.

“Kind of…when we became official, I told him I didn’t want to be dependent on each other. I wanted us to be able to function apart, and that when we’re together it’s just nicer,” he replied. She nodded.

“That’s good. I mean…ultimately it’s up to you if or when you wanna tell him. I think if Richie told you first it wouldn’t be for a long time, so don’t worry about it, okay? Go at your own pace, and know that everything will be okay,” she said. Eddie smiled.

“Thanks, Bev. You always know what to say,” he sighed. She nodded and pulled him into a hug.

“Of course I do. That’s why we’re best friends,” she replied. Eddie giggled and hugged her back, but jumped when the door slammed open.

“Eddie! I got…uh, is everything okay?” Richie asked after barging in.

“Jesus Christ, Richie what the fuck?” Eddie asked. Beverly laughed, and Richie smiled.

“My apologies, sweetheart. I didn’t know you were with company,” he said.

“So you were expecting to scare the shit out of me by myself?” Eddie questioned with a raised brow.

“Precisely.”

“Fuck off,” Eddie said flipping him off.

“You guys are the epitome of romance,” Beverly sighed. She then got up and kissed the top of Eddie’s head. “I’ll leave the lovebirds to squabble in their cage then.”

“It’s okay, Bev. You don’t have to go,” Richie assured her.

“Didn’t say I did,” she winked before passing him. She shut the door behind her and Richie resumed his path to Eddie’s side and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

“Are you going to explain yourself or did you really just scare me for the sake of being an asshole?” Eddie asked. Richie chuckled and reached into his pocket.

“As I was saying, I got us something,” he said. He pulled out a little ziplock back with something wrapped in cotton inside it. Eddie frowned.

“For us? What do you mean?” He said as Richie opened the bag. He pulled out the cotton and then unwrapped two perfect little rings. Eddie instantly felt his entire body go stiff and his face turn bright red.

“I have a friend who majors in fashion, and his focus is on jewelry making. I had to snag your ring one day to get the sizes right, so…sorry about that,” Richie explained. Eddie looked at the glistening metal with wide eyes and then up at Richie.

“Richie…”

“They’re promise rings, I guess. I dunno. I thought it would be nicer then to wear pieces of your old teeshirt all the time,” Richie said sounding sheepish.

“They look so nice,” Eddie noted.

“He just used whatever was laying around, but he’s really good at polishing. He said they would last a few years before they start to like get all fucked up. I was thinking about asking him to engrave some shit on the inside, but like that might’ve been a little too cheesy. We can do that like…later in life. If you wanted to…that is. Uh…” Richie trailed off. His brain clearly grasping for something else to say so he could fill the empty space Eddie was creating. Eddie smiled and kissed Richie’s cheek.

“I love it,” he said. Richie looked at him with a mixture of relief and excitement.

“You do? It’s not too much?” He asked. Eddie laughed and shook his head.

“Not at all. It’s really sweet actually,” he assured him.

“Can I…” Richie looked down at the fabric wrapped around his finger and then lifted the smaller ring. Eddie nodded and then held out his hand. Richie pulled off the fabric easily, and then gently slid the metal band down his ring finger. A wide smile split across Eddie’s face, and no matter how hard he tried to fight it he couldn’t help but smile even bigger.

“Richie, it’s beautiful,” he sighed.

“It looks ten times better when it’s actually on your finger,” Richie murmured. Eddie then took the other ring, and grabbed Richie’s hand to pull off his own loop of fabric. The metal glided against his skin, and their fingers intertwined as they looked at it together.

“That’s much better,” Eddie hummed. Richie chuckled and then used his free hand to gently touch Eddie’s chin so he would look back at him. He leaned down to kiss him, and Eddie happily accepted. Their hands squeezed each other, and Eddie pressed his forehead to Richie’s after their lips parted.

“You sure this is okay?” Richie asked. Eddie nodded.

“Of course. I love…I love it. This is really so sweet, Richie. You didn’t have to do this,” Eddie replied. Richie shrugged.

“I wanted to. I wanted to show you how much I…care about you,” Richie said. Eddie blushed. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what Richie meant by that. “Because I care about you…so much, Eds. There’s like nothing that I wouldn’t do for you.”

“I care about you too, Richie. Thank you,” Eddie cooed and let go of his hand to cup his face instead. Richie accepted his kiss, and then broke it with a little chuckle.

“Oh. Uh, by the way, I kind of blew our cover in regards to Bill,” Richie told him. Eddie frowned.

“What do you mean? Did you tell him about us?” Eddie asked. Richie shook his head.

“ _I_ didn’t say anything, but my friend _just_ gave me the rings in the library and he basically shouted about what they are and who they were for when he dropped them off,” Richie said.

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah, he was all like ‘hey here are those weird fucking wedding rings for you and your tiny boyfriend’ and then just walked off,” Richie laughed.

“What did Bill say?” Eddie asked.

“He didn’t get a chance to say anything. I just grabbed them and left,” he answered.

“Well…I guess it’ll be harder to avoid it now that we have promise rings,” Eddie pointed out.

“That’s very true. Although, I’m very excited to show this off all the time,” Richie grinned. Eddie blushed and shook his head.

“You’re ridiculous. It isn’t that noticeable. Lots of people our age have promise rings,” Eddie said.

“Yes, but not in our little group,” Richie argued.

“Like they would care to point it out,” Eddie argued back.

“You can’t tell me that Stanley ‘I secretly live for drama’ Uris wouldn’t at least smirk at it the first time he sees us,” Richie snarked. Eddie pouted. He had a point.

“Whatever. I need to finish my homework. Did you just leave your shit in the library?” He asked reaching for his text book.

“No, I dropped it off at my dorm before rushing over here,” Richie replied. He then easily beat Eddie’s hand to his textbook, and locked their fingers instead. “Or, instead of your boring homework, we can do other things,” he hummed before kissing Eddie on the lips.

“Mm…Richie, we can’t just do this all the time,” Eddie sighed trying his best not to give into Richie’s antics. It was hard to resist, but his studies were always important to him.

“You say that like we never take a break. I feel like it’s been _ages_ ,” Richie said. He let go of Eddie’s hand and instead cupped his jaw for another kiss. It was slower that time, and the cold metal on the side of his face from Richie’s finger made it much harder to pull away.

“It’s been like three days,” Eddie reminded him when they parted long enough.

“Yeah, that’s like seventy two hours. That’s a lot of hours without you, baby,” Richie cooed. Eddie blushed, and let him continue his kisses for a little longer.

“Richie, this homework is due tomorrow,” Eddie sighed and turned his head to reach for his papers.

“Okay…you can do your work, and _I_ …” he trailed off as he kissed down Eddie’s neck. “…can do mine,” he smirked. Eddie giggled.

“Richie, it’s already hard enough to finish my work when you spend the entire weekend all over me. I can’t just let you fuck me silly any time you like,” Eddie sighed. Richie was leaning heavily on him already, but he eventually had Eddie pinned to the bed with his textbook long forgotten.

“I like it when you say that,” he hummed and hovered over him. Eddie blushed and let Richie touch under the hem of his sweater.

“Say what?” He questioned.

“The last thing you said,” Richie answered. He rubbed his thumb against Eddie’s hip bone and Eddie had to bite back a smile. He loved it when Richie touched him like that.

“Fuck me silly?” He repeated.

“Baby, all you had to do was ask,” Richie grinned before resuming his kisses against Eddie’s neck.

“Richie, I…mmh…I need time to finish this afterwards, okay?” Eddie gave in. Richie chuckled.

“Of course. Anything for my husband,” Richie whispered under his jaw before moving up to kiss him on the lips. Eddie fully accepted it, and then wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck. He crawled onto the bed completely, and then pulled Eddie’s legs up too before holding his thigh closest against his.

“Mm…your husband,” Eddie said again with the happiest smile he’s ever worn.

“It’s not fair when you’re so cute and you only give me a little bit of time to appreciate it,” Richie said. Eddie giggled and cupped Richie’s face with both hands. The ring winking at him next to Richie’s cheek, and he already couldn’t remember what it was like not to have it.

“Well, if you didn’t make it your personal mission to make me cum five times, then it wouldn’t last so long,” Eddie pointed out. Richie chuckled and then kissed him some more.

“Exactly,” he murmured. He was about to drift his hand up higher on Eddie’s waist, but Eddie got distracted by the buzzing in his jeans. They both stopped when they noticed his phone going off, and then Eddie pulled it out to see Stan’s name across his phone.

“Fuck, it’s Stan,” he said before answering it. “Hello?”

“Hey Eddie. Sorry if I’m interrupting anything,” Stan said.

“Uh, it’s okay. What’s up?” Eddie replied.

“I’ve got Bill with me right now, and uh…I think he’s kinda broken? He hasn’t said much since he got back. I knew he was studying with Richie before, but Richie wasn’t answering his phone. I figured he would be with you,” Stan explained.

“Yeah, he’s right here. Did you want to ask him about it?” Eddie offered. Richie frowned, and then Eddie mouthed Bill’s name.

“Oh…”

“Maybe. I’m just curious because he keeps muttering a bunch of shit. I think he said something about a wedding?” Stan said. Eddie couldn’t help but smile.

“Uh, no wedding, but Richie got a friend of his to make us promise rings and apparently Bill was there when they were dropped off not too long ago,” Eddie told him. Richie smiled too and took Eddie’s free hand to kiss the ring on his finger.

“Oh, that’s really sweet. Billy, they’re just promise rings,” Stan spoke.

“Just _promise rings?_ I didn’t even know they were fucking dating!” Bill’s voice came through the phone. Eddie giggled and gently cupped and caressed Richie’s face as he talked.

“Well, it was kind of obvious, Bill,” Stan muttered.

“Sorry we didn’t say anything. We just wanted to keep things peaceful between Bill and Richie for a minute,” Eddie said.

“Oh yeah, you’re fully in the right for that, Eds. Congratulations though. I’m happy for you guys,” Stan replied.

“Thanks Stan…I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said.

“See ya!”

He hung up the phone, and then set it to the side to pull Richie down into a kiss. It was soft and sweet on both ends, and Eddie easily sank into the arms moving to wrap around his waist. The kiss stayed gentle for a while, and Eddie enjoyed the feeling of Richie’s affection while running his fingers through his messy curls. As they kissed and held each other, Eddie let himself relax in the feeling of being loved both emotional and physically. He tried to keep his heart calm as he embraced the fact that he loved Richie more than anything, and somehow, feeling the smile against his lips helped make it that much easier. They’d say it when they were ready. For now, Eddie decided to just enjoy knowing that he was loved without needing to hear it.


	18. In which Eddie breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attacks, yelling, fighting, mentions of trauma

Bill: _hey can we talk sometime today?_  
Bill: _like just you and me? No one else_

Eddie sighed as he blinked at the text messages he woke up too. Richie was still clinging onto his waist under the blankets, and while it was tempting to just turn back and fall asleep again he still had a ten AM class to get to. Thankfully he was about to finish his homework the previous night. After they finished fooling around he completed it much faster then he anticipated. Unfortunately Richie saw that as extra time to initiate more, and Eddie was too weak hearted to say no to the love of his life whispering sweet nothings trying to seduce him again. That meant that he was extra tired bc they stayed up. That meant he was cranky because he didn’t sleep long enough. That meant that he very much did not want to talk to Bill, but he knew he’d feel guilty if he said no.

Eddie: _sure. I have class until noon._

Bill: _is that the class you share with Stan? Can you meet me in the auditorium afterwards?_

Eddie: _yeah that’s the one. I’ll see you there_

Bill: _sounds good. Thank you!_

Eddie: _np_

“Mm…come back,” Richie grumbled.

“Richie, I have class. I’m pretty sure you do too,” Eddie sighed and successfully pulled himself out of bed. Richie merely groaned again and buried his face into the pillow.

“Not until noon…only crazy people have morning classes,” he sighed. Eddie rolled his eyes and started getting dressed.

“I could say the same about your night classes. I don’t know how you can sit through a three hour class from seven to ten,” Eddie replied.

“My mind only functions when it’s dark outside. I’m the opposite of a solar panel,” Richie said.

“A lunar panel?” Eddie teased.

“No. Uh…I’m a brick,” Richie replied.

“Get up before you fall asleep and make yourself late to class,” Eddie chided. Richie sighed, but did as he was told.

Class was a little bit strenuous knowing that Bill wanted to talk to him. He just found out yesterday that he and Richie were dating, so he imagined Bill didn’t have anything pleasant to say. While it was frustrating waiting for time to pass, it still felt like class was entirely too short. He wanted to get the conversation over with, but he also didn’t want to have it in the first place either. He could predict what Bill was going to probably say, and he wasn’t a fan of any of the imaginary conversations he was having with him. His brain went everywhere from Bill reminding Eddie of all the shitty jokes Richie made all the way to him begging Eddie to break up with him. While a few scenarios were a little unrealistic, he was certain of one thing. Bill was not happy to hear about this.

When class was finally dismissed, Eddie wanted to turn the clock back another hour, he reluctantly packed up his bag and then headed down to the auditorium. It was a short walk, which made his desire to stretch the time as thin as possibly nearly impossible. He walked in and found Bill in the house looking over the script. He looked up the minute he heard the door open, and Eddie spared him a smile as he walked over to sit next to him. Bill smiled back, and then pulled Eddie into a hug. It was strange how such a simple form of affection made Eddie feel so at ease.

“Hey…how you doing?” Bill asked when they parted.

“…okay. I’ll admit I’m kinda nervous about this,” Eddie admitted. Bill sighed and nodded.

“Yeah…I hoped you wouldn’t, but I understand,” he replied. Eddie took that as confirmation and started talking.

“Look, I know you don’t like Richie, and I know you feel like he’s a total douche who’s a total scumbag. I get how things looked in the beginning, but…Richie is a really good guy. He’s good for me,” Eddie said. Bill listened intently and took Eddie’s hand.

“Eds…”

“I know what you’re going to say, Billy. I’m sorry that he makes you uncomfortable, but _please_ trust me when I say I’m smarter then that. Richie has done so much for me, and he’s really a good boyfriend. He _cares_ about me, Billy. He cares about me just as much as you do.”

“I get that, Eds. I—“

“Just…Richie really proved himself during our trip to Maine…he was…so sweet and so supportive. If he wasn’t there…I would’ve been crying the whole time. He made it so much easier to just _exist_ and he made it so easy to ignore all the bad shit that happened in that house. He was respectful when we looked through my old stuff, and he…he said so many things that a person only interested in sex would _never_ say. He was…everything I needed for that trip,” Eddie continued.

“I know, Eddie. I agree with you,” Bill said. Eddie opened his mouth to argue more, but let it go slack as he processed his friends words.

“You…you do?” Eddie asked. Bill nodded.

“I did a lot of thinking over the summer. I think it was the first time I ever spent a summer without you. I was ready to start being open to you and Richie, but…walking in on you two like that kinda set me back. That’s not important though. What’s important is…I agree with you.”

“Shit, Billy…I thought you were going to ask me to break up with Richie,” Eddie sighed with relief. Bill shook his head.

“No…god no. Even if I was still upset about this, you get to decide who you date. Not me. I can tell you everything that I think every day, but I can’t tell you what to do,” he assured Eddie.

“Thank you. I appreciate that,” Eddie said. Bill nodded.

“Of course.”

“What…what made you okay with it?” Eddie asked. Bill sighed and looked down at their hands.

“I went to see my family therapist again over the summer. She brought up G…G-Georgie again,” he said. Eddie hadn’t heard Bill stutter since the beginning of high school.

“Billy…”

“It was nothing you and the others haven’t told me, but she did it in that way that shrinks do. Y’know, how they make you answer all these questions until you tear apart your own damaging point of view. It took her a couple sessions, but she finally got me to admit that I should stop blaming myself for Georgie’s d…death,” Bill explained. Eddie nodded.

“Because it wasn’t your fault, Bill. You were a kid too. Maybe an older kid, but you were still a kid,” Eddie reminded him. Bill nodded.

“Exactly. I tend to view myself as I am now throughout all my memories and that made it so much easier to blame it on myself back then…because I’d never let him go off on his own now. _Now_ , I’d never leave his side. My therapist had to make me confront that, and…it’s made me realize how much I try to intervene in things now. It’s like I’m trying to make up for Georgie, but…I have no right telling you that Richie is just trying to have sex with you. Because that’s obviously not true, and it’s not my business to be in,” Bill continued.

“You want to try to stop bad things from happening. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I feel like Georgie’s death may have clouded your judgement on what bad things are…because letting your little brother play in the rain isn’t a bad thing,” Eddie assured him. Bill nodded.

“Exactly…and I honestly feel kind of stupid for taking so long to realize that’s why I’ve been acting this way…at first I didn’t want to accept what she was telling me, but I’ve been thinking about it non stop since I got back on campus, and…it’s literally made it so much easier for me to take a step back and try to figure out how I _really_ feel about things.”

“You’re not stupid, Bill. You’re human. I’m glad things are easier for you now,” Eddie said with a smile as he held his other hand over their joined ones. Bill nodded and then looked down at the shiny metal around Eddie’s finger. He gently touched the skin around it and sighed.

“So…you guys are pretty serious now, huh?” He asked. Eddie blushed, but nodded. He tried not to stretch his smile so big, but thinking about last night made it hard not to be happy.

“Yeah…we made little fabric promise rings down in Maine. That’s what made it so much better. Just…having someone actually care about me in that house made it feel like an entirely different universe. I didn’t know he was getting these made for us until he showed them to me yesterday,” Eddie replied. Bill chuckled.

“Yeah, that sounds like Richie. He’s sweet but he can be sneaky if he wants,” he said. They both laughed and Eddie pulled his hand back to look at it closer.

“That’s very true.”

“Eds, I want you to know that I’m sorry you guys felt the need to hide your relationship from me. I understand why, and I don’t blame you. Especially that day I walked in on you guys. I just wish I could’ve tried making you both feel comfortable telling me sooner, and I feel awful knowing that you didn’t,” Bill said. Eddie blinked and felt his eyes water a little bit.

“Oh…thank you. That means a lot to me, actually. I didn’t like keeping it from you, but…I didn’t want to upset you either,” Eddie said.

“That’s very sweet of you, Eds, but…your happiness is more important. If I’m ever giving you a hard time about something in the future like this, then just ignore me until I figure it out, okay? Better yet, tell me when I’m being an idiot if you’re sick of it. I’m gonna try to get better, but it might take some time,” he said. Eddie nodded.

“Okay…thank you, Billy.”

“Anything for you, Eds. I’m just glad you’re still willing to talk to me. I uh…I’m a little embarrassed about how I’ve behaved in the past. I’m gonna talk to Richie about it sometime later too.”

“I think Richie would really appreciate that,” Eddie said with a smile.

“I hope so…and speak of the devil…” Bill said with a growing smile as he looked past Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie turned around and smiled as well when he saw Richie coming in. He was already grinning at them, and didn’t hesitate to bend down and kiss Eddie’s head.

“Hello hello, lovely seeing you again,” Richie said.

“That must’ve been a tough three hours for you, huh?” Eddie teased.

“You know it,” he nodded and then looked to Bill. “Hey, sorry about yesterday by the way. Wasn’t expecting Jake to say that so I panicked and bailed.”

“No biggie, Richie. I’m happy for you two,” Bill said, and Eddie felt a wave of relief hearing how genuine that sounded.

“Yeah? You’re not…worried or anything?” Richie asked cautiously. Bill shook his head while Eddie gently wove their fingers together.

“Nope. I trust you, Richie. I trust Eddie to take care of himself,” he answered. Richie then crouched down and scooped Eddie out of his chair. He yelped in surprise and instantly clung to his boyfriends shoulders.

“Richie—“

“We’re gonna have sex in the prop closet!” Richie blurted and then started carrying Eddie towards the stage. Bill burst out laughing, and Eddie was too busy trying not to fall out of his grip.

“Richie, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Eddie groaned. He gasped as Richie ran up the little stairs to the stage, and then sighed in defeat when he ran backstage next.

“Eds, you’re gonna love this closet. There’s no way you _wouldn’t_ get horny in here,” Richie insisted as they came to a set of doors. 

He finally set Eddie down, and then pulled out his keys to open it and let them in. Just as Eddie was about to use his feet himself, he was swiftly pulled in by Richie’s hand around his waist. The door shut behind them, and Eddie blinked at the dozens of tables with various props and outfits. Richie went ahead without him, and Eddie slowly followed taking in all the trinkets and small furniture. When Richie came back he was holding something behind his back with a smile Eddie would expect to see on an eight year old riding his bike. Wide and excited.

“I uh…I wanted to tell you something, Eds,” Richie said. Eddie blinked up at him and then glanced at his arm.

“Uh, okay. Does it have something to do with props?” Eddie asked.

“Mmm, not exactly, but I thought this would be a good place to say it,” he answered.

“Okay…” Eddie took a shaky breath. He could probably guess what Richie had to say, and in all honesty he kind of wished he wouldn’t. At the same time Richie looked equally as scared, and for some reason Eddie felt comforted by that. Like he wasn’t alone in his fear of this amazingly terrifying emotion they shared for each other.

“I wanna start off with these…” Richie said pulled out some fake flowers from behind his back. Eddie’s first reaction was to blush and smile, and he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache over how sweet Richie was when he wanted to be.

“This is so stupid,” Eddie sighed and accepted the plastic flowers. They both giggled, and Richie stepped closer to gently cup Eddie’s face. He looked up at his boyfriend, and smiled as he took a long nervous inhale.

“Eddie, I…I’ve never felt this way about…anyone before. I can’t even begin to describe how happy it makes me to be with you everyday. You’ve helped me find myself in ways I didn’t even realize I needed to before,” he started out. Even though he could predict it, Eddie still felt his stomach drop as Richie started getting serious. Suddenly, all that fear he was trying to push away when they were in Maine was bubbling up to the surface again.

“I…Richie—“ he was cut off by a chuckle, and Richie took both of his hands. The flowers dropped, and Eddie felt his chest get tight.

“Eds, I’m begging you. I know I’m a huge coward, but…I wanna be the one who says this first,” Richie said.

For some reason, Eddie couldn’t respond. He couldn’t even breathe. It was like he was holding his breath hoping he wouldn’t say it yet. All he could do was blink up at his boyfriend and try not to cry. The worst part was how excited Richie looked to say it, and all Eddie wanted to do was make it stop. He loved Richie more than anything, but he had this giant mental block around actually saying it. Even more around hearing it. Whenever his mother said she loved him it felt like a slap. Hearing Beverly say it was less severe because she was always so gentle. Bill and Stan have always loved him, but it was a brotherly love. This was deeper. This was worse.

“…I never thought I’d be able to…to feel this way about another person, y’know? I always thought that this was meant for a man and a woman. Princes and princesses in fairy tales, right? But…meeting you proved me so wrong,” Richie said, pouring his heart out, and Eddie could only grip his fingers in hopes he wouldn’t notice how close he was to shaking and sobbing.

“…Richie, please…” Eddie managed with bated breath. He pressed his forehead to Eddie’s, and sighed.

“Eddie…Eddie, I lov—“

“Stop. Please, don’t,” Eddie whispered. Richie’s jaw fell slack mid-sentence, and Eddie could see his heart breaking in front of him.

“I…what?” Richie sounded more confused then sad, but that only made Eddie’s lungs rip as he finally let out a pained sob.

“I-I can’t do this…’m so sorry,” he whimpered. Richie pulled his head back, and Eddie could barely meet his eyes through the tears.

“Eds, what do you mean?” He asked. Now the pain was starting to peak through his voice, and that only made Eddie cry harder and shake his head.

“I…I _can’t_ , Richie. I can’t do this yet,” he croaked. Richie was silent for a moment.

“Do you…do you not feel the same?” He asked. Eddie was quick to shake his head.

“I do!” He gasped. “I do, Richie! I swear, I just…I can’t say it yet…and I can’t hear it yet. I’m not ready, Richie,” he cried desperately. Richie didn’t look any less hurt by that, and Eddie could see the conflict behind that furrowed brow.

“What do you mean by that? If we love each other, what’s the problem?” Richie asked. Eddie could tell he was trying his best not to lash out, and Eddie could only imagine how much he was hiding.

“I’m sorry, Richie…I—I wish I could. I just…it’s hard after my mom—“

“Do you think I’m going to act like your mom just because I love you?” Richie snapped. Eddie wanted to crumble hearing that, and he shook his head again as he reached to hold onto his shoulders.

“No! No, you’re nothing like her. That’s not what I was saying. It’s just hard for me to hear it and to say it. Richie, I’m so sorry,” he pleaded. Richie let Eddie cling to him and hugged him back.

“I don’t understand…” Richie murmured. His grip around Eddie tightened, and he sobbed again trying to comfort his favorite person in the world.

“‘M sorry…I just need time. I’m scared, a-and I’m so fucking sorry, Richie.”

“What are you scared of?”

“ _Everything_ , Richie. She used that word like a weapon against me. It’s hard n-not to be scared of it,” Eddie whimpered. Richie pulled back and then pulled away even further. Eddie tried to follow, but Richie merely held him at arms length. “Richie—“

“God, she’s _dead_ , Eddie!” He snapped. Eddie blinked at him and stayed put as he paced around and crossed his arms. His words were like a splash of cold water in his face. He knew that, and he didn’t need the sting of being reminded so bluntly. “She’s fucking _dead!_ Why do you keep holding onto her?” He continued.

“I’m not—“

“But you are!” Richie continued. This time he turned to glare directly at him, and Eddie felt awful seeing the anger he caused. “You are! You’re still trying to make her love you! She was _awful_ to you! _Why_ , Eddie? Why do you let her control you still? She’s not fucking worth it!”

“Richie, that’s not fair,” Eddie sniffled.

“I know! I know it’s not fair. I’m just… _fuck!_ “ he groaned and covered his face with his hands. He wiped away his own tears too, and Eddie felt each one drop into his bucked of guilt.

“She’s still my mom, Richie. Of course I want her to love me,” Eddie said quietly.

“She was a shit mother!”

“She raised me, Richie! She cared for me the best she could after my dad died!” Eddie cried. Richie ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

“I know…I know, and I get it. I know it’s not easy to just pretend that your mom means nothing, but at the same time I _don’t_ get it. She was fucking _awful!_ The minute we walked in her house I could see you dying on the inside,” Richie went on. Eddie wrapped his arms around himself and took a shaky breath. Richie was right. He hated everything about his mother, and he hated that she still controlled him even after she died. That didn’t change the fact that he wanted her to actually love him. He couldn’t help but want that.

“I don’t expect you to get it, okay? I just…ugh! This is what I was talking about!” He blurted. Richie frowned at that and stepped closer.

“What do you mean?”

“That day! In the museum before summer! I said I didn’t want this because it’s just too much! I’m too much right now! I told you this would happen!” Eddie snapped.

“Eds, that’s horse shit. This isn’t too much,” Richie assured him. Eddie shook his head and balled his fists.

“Then why are you so mad? If this isn’t too much, then why are you so fucking upset? I can’t handle being in love right now, and you’re rightfully heart broken! How is that not too much!” He went on.

“Because I don’t pick who I love, Eddie! Neither do you! Just because you’re scared to say it doesn’t mean we can just ignore it! _That’s_ something your mom would do.”

“You barely know my mom! You never even fucking met her!”

“I know enough about her to know she’s not worth holding yourself back from moving on and actually being happy, Eds!” Richie snapped back. Eddie closed his mouth. He had nothing to say to that because Richie was once again right. Instead he merely cried again and covered his face. “Eds—“

“Fuck off, Richie,” he sighed as he stepped away.

“Eds, please—“

“Why don’t you ever fucking listen to me, Richie? I told you I couldn’t give you all of me.”

“And I told you that you’re not made up of parts, Eddie. Fuck, just c’mere,” Richie insisted and reached to pull Eddie against his chest. He resisted and backed away towards the door. “Eds, please. I’m sorry I yelled—“

“You should be yelling! You should be upset! Why can’t you understand that I’m a total fucking mess, Richie? Why do you keep trying?” Eddie sobbed and tried to put more distance between them. Richie respected his space, but looked absolutely in pain from it.

“I…I can’t say it without upsetting you, but _that’s_ why,” Richie replied. “Everyone goes through tough things, Eds. I’m not going to abandon you just because we’re fighting,” he explained. Eddie shook his head and his lip trembled.

“I need to go…I can’t—“ he cut himself off and turned to leave.

“Eddie, wait!”

Everything inside Eddie wanted to give in and let Richie love him, but he couldn’t help the panic he was feeling. He ran out of the prop closet, and didn’t bother saying anything to Bill who was waiting outside with questions on his tongue. Instead he bolted out of the auditorium and ran across campus to get to his dorm room. He had a two o’clock class starting in a little over an hour, but he didn’t care about it. All he wanted to do was cry and forget that he existed. Luckily most people were in their noon class, so he didn’t have to worry about too many people seeing him cry. He shut his door tight behind him then locked it before kicking off his shoes and finally curling up in bed to try and comfort himself. It had been so long since he’s had to do that without someone’s help, and he couldn’t stop crying no matter what he did. Nothing could distract him from the crushing feeling in his chest. He wasn’t sure what made him feel worse. The fact that his mother never truly saw him or loved him for who he was, or the fact that he just hurt one of the few people he’s ever loved. Either way, he was absolutely devastated.


	19. In which Eddie gives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richie talks a little bit about his ADHD in this chapter, and what he’s talking about is something called RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria). He explains it a little bit, but it basically explains why his reaction was so extreme in the last chapter.

Eventually, Eddie fell asleep. Coming home from Maine made Eddie feel like he was untouchable. He barely even thought about his mother, and yet he knew all the feelings were still there shoved in the back of his mind. For years he just wanted her acceptance, and now that he could never get it was something he was still coming to terms with. He missed the days when he felt like he could actually trust his mother, and be held by her when he had nightmares. When she defended him endlessly against the school whenever kids bullied him. Those long weekends that they would spend together watching movies and eating out. He missed their little Christmas traditions that they made together since his dad died. Even though she was a terrible mother, she was still his mother. There were still good times littered throughout all the bad, and while it didn’t make up for her overbearing, condescending, conditional, and bigoted idea of love, Eddie still missed those good times.

When he woke up it was already dark outside. The weather had been getting colder, and with daylight saving last week he was still shocked to see it dark before nine. Regardless, his body ached when he moved, and his eyes felt more tired then when he first drifted off. Sleep gathered around them, and he gently rubbed it away before stretching and reaching for his phone. As predicted, he had a million texts from all his friends. Beverly sent the most, and from everything she sent Eddie gathered that she wasn’t happy he locked his door and had peanut butter M&M cookie dough waiting for him when he felt better. Richie sent a couple texts. Mostly detailing how worried he was and that he was sorry about lashing out. Bill was worried too. Along with Stan and Mike, and even Ben texted him to see if he was okay. He hated that he made them all worry about his little temper tantrum, but he couldn’t deny it felt good to see them all care about him and support him so much. He sighed as he tapped Beverly’s name, and braced himself as he called her number.

“Eddie? Are you okay? What happened? Richie told me that you had a panic attack or something,” she said. His favorite thing about Beverly was that even when she was worried or upset, she never shouted or spoke too fast. She was calm, and Eddie needed calm.

“I’m okay…I mean, I’m not physically in danger. I’m just…being a burden honestly,” he sighed.

“Eds, you’re no such thing. We all love and care about you so much. I’d do anything for you, sweetie,” Bev assured him. Eddie felt his eyes sting again hearing that.

“Thanks…I think I could do for some cookie dough now,” he said trying not to cry again. She chuckled on the line, and Eddie smiled hearing such a sweet sound.

“Okay. I’ll be there in a minute,” she told him. Eddie sighed with relief.

“Thank you…”

It really didn’t take her long to get there. Within minutes there was a knock, and Eddie began to regret locking his door as he dragged himself out of bed. He opened the door and was greeted with a hug and a chilled bowl of cookie dough as promised. She didn’t ask too many questions as they settled on his bed, just checking in to see if he was okay. He had a couple spoonfuls before he felt ready to talk, but even then his throat was still killing him. He reached for his water bottle on his nightstand and drank it before speaking.

“I feel so awful,” he confessed.

“How come?” Bev asked.

“I hurt Richie…I just couldn’t handle it. He was trying to tell me that he loves me and I told him to stop,” Eddie told her. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and held them tight as regret flushed through his system.

“Oh, Eds…I’m so sorry.”

“I just…he makes it sound so easy. Being in love and shit. Every time I think about saying it and meaning it past being friends I feel almost sick. I’m so anxious I can’t help it.”

“Are you anxious about it like your mom made you anxious?” She asked. He nodded.

“Yeah…he got really mad about it, and I don’t blame him. He said I’m still hanging on to her, and…I am. I wish I could let her go,” he whimpered.

“It’s hard letting go of a loved one, Eds. My dad was fucking terrible to me. He’s not even actually gone yet, but I still struggle with letting him go and moving on,” Bev assured him.

“I just feel so lost. I feel like I’ll never be worthy of being loved. After everything my mom said and did…it’s no wonder she was able to convince me that she was the only person who truly loved me. I feel so broken, but Richie keeps telling me I’m whole and…I dunno how he sees that,” Eddie went on.

“I don’t think you’re broken either, Eds. I think you’ve got a lot of feelings that are hard to understand and process. It takes a lot to figure those out,” Beverly cooed as she rubbed his back. He sighed.

“I’m so scared it’s all gonna stop. All the nice things in my life. Like, it feels too good to be true. I’m terrified that one day Richie won’t love me anymore and that everyone will realize how /awful/ I am. I mean, Stan watched me make my bed ridden mother upset on her deathbed, and yet he still loves me after that?”

“Eds…he watched your dying mother deny you the one thing you asked her for. Love and respect. No one who actually cares about you would watch that and think you were antagonizing her,” Beverly assured him.

“I…I made her so mad that day. The last memory I have of my mother…and she wouldn’t even hold my hand,” he said finally breaking and sobbing. Beverly hugged him, and he let go of his legs to hug her back.

“Oh Eds…” she sighed.

“Her whole life…I was just a problem,” he continued.

“Eddie, I wanna help you, okay? I need you to be willing to do this though,” Beverly said. Eddie sniffled.

“…what do you mean?”

“I have a therapist through a low income program. If I ask her to get you some help, are you willing to see a therapist?” She asked. Eddie pulled back and frowned.

“Do you think it’s that bad?” He asked. She giggled a little and shook her head.

“There’s never too bad or not bad enough, Eddie. I just…I think it might help you to talk to a professional to help you process all of this. It’s a lot to go through, and while you have all of us, we don’t know how to deal with all this heavy stuff either. That’s why I got help,” she explained. He nodded.

“Okay…that’s fair.”

“And this doesn’t make you broken, Eddie. It makes you human. It’s okay to still be sad about your mom, and it’s okay to still be scared about getting into something serious. Everything is okay.”

“Its kinda silly really. I’m okay with having promise rings, but I have a panic attack when Richie tries to tell me how he really feels,” Eddie grumbled. They chuckled together over that, and Eddie looked down at said ring.

“If you want to, I’m sure Richie would be more than happy to talk to you tonight,” Bev suggested. Eddie sighed.

“I should…I just…I feel so bad. He was really upset about it, and now I’m just making him stress out about me. He deserves so much better.”

“You guys are perfect for each other, okay? Let Richie decide what he deserves. Trust me when I tell you that you’re more then that boy should ever have,” she said with a teasing tone. Eddie smiled and shook his head.

“The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I think that’s why it made me so worried. Panicking is one thing, but just…worrying about one person is so exhausting. I care about him so much, and it hurt to ask him to wait.”

“I know. Richie…he’s sensitive about certain things. You already know that too, but still. He’s a coward and a baby. It’s easy to forget that when he acts so big and tough.”

“He really is a baby. I have to tell him to wake up so he doesn’t miss his class,” Eddie scoffed. Bev nodded with a smile. “I miss him,” he mused out loud.

“You can talk to him now if you want,” Bev offered.

“He should be in class.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t happening after what went down. He emailed his professor though,” she told him. Eddie sighed and then nodded.

“Okay. I wanna see him,” he agreed.

Beverly walked Eddie down the halls to Richie’s dorm. They walked on the slow side to give Eddie more time to collect himself, and by the time they got to his door he felt ever so slightly more prepared. Beverly gave him a hug goodbye, and he appreciated the extra kisses she planted on his cheeks. With her warmth and encouragement, Eddie took a deep breath and then knocked on the door. There was nothing in response, so he knocked again and heard a groan this time.

“Freckles, I told you I’m trying to—“ Richie stopped mid sentence when he opened the door and saw Eddie instead of Beverly. Eddie gave him a weak smile and tried not to cry again. The desperation and surprise in his eyes made him want to just soothe all the worried thoughts he must’ve been having. “Eds…sorry, I was expecting Beverly.”

“I figured,” Eddie nodded. Richie must’ve been trying to sleep because he was currently without a shirt. Sometimes he got uncomfortable with the way the fabric rubbed against his skin so he would sleep without one from time to time. Especially if he was nervous about something.

“Did you get my texts?” He asked. Eddie nodded again.

“Yeah. I passed out a while ago and woke up half an hour ago,” he said. Richie nodded too and awkwardly crossed his arms across his chest.

“Good…I’m glad you read them,” he said. Eddie blinked up at him and felt sad all over again seeing him so reserved.

“Richie…I’m really sorry I made you worry so much. I just couldn’t handle it,” Eddie said in a hushed voice. Richie shook his head and clenched his fists under his arms. Eddie just wanted him to give in a touch him already.

“I shouldn’t have yelled. I…appreciate you saying that, but I don’t want you to feel guilty about it. I should’ve stopped and cooled down too.”

“It’s not your responsibility to do that. We both should’ve been more calm,” Eddie assured him. Richie sighed and looked down to his feet. They were equally as bare as his chest.

“I just have this thing…it has to do with my ADHD. I hate using it as an excuse or anything, but it makes like…rejection or anything that I can interpret as rejection really difficult. It…it like physically hurts sometimes. I’m not saying that anything you did made that happen. It’s totally in my own head,” Richie explained.

“I didn’t know that…but I do wanna make it clear that I’m not rejecting you, Richie. I’m really really not,” he said. Richie looked up at him.

“I…yeah. You said something like that,” he recalled. Eddie bit his lip and then stepped closer to take Richie’s hands. The other man allowed him to soften his grip and interlock their fingers again.

“I’m sorry that it felt that way…I know you said it’s in your head, but I never wanna hurt you Richie. Intentionally or not, I’m sorry I hurt you,” Eddie whispered. Richie’s lower lip started tremble, so Eddie stepped inside his room and closed the door. Of course Richie let him, and then pulled Eddie against his chest to hold him. He hugged his boyfriend tight, and Eddie hugged him back even tighter.

“It hurts so much,” Richie confessed. Eddie nodded and kissed his jaw.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered again.

“I guess I just…I don’t get it. It feels like you don’t want to say it.”

“I do want too. I just…” Eddie sighed and pressed his forehead between Richie’s collarbones. “You make it look so fucking easy, Richie.”

“What’s so easy?”

“Being in love. Caring about other people. Respecting them and wanting to be there for them. Supporting them. I never got that from my mother without trying to earn it. You give it away so freely to me, I have no idea how to handle it. You’re everything I want and more, and you actually love me back? It’s like a dream come true, and I’m so fucking scared I’m going to wake up,” Eddie explained better now that he was more clear headed. Richie was quiet as he kissed the top of his head.

“Eds, loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Finding you was the hardest, and that’s what makes me so happy to have you,” Richie said. Eddie nuzzled closer.

“Bev thinks I should go to therapy,” he announced. Richie chuckled.

“Fuck, sign me up too. I’ve got my own little cave of bullshit up in my noggin, and clearly I’m not as good at keeping it under control as I thought,” Richie said. That made them laugh together, and Eddie looked up to smile at his boyfriend.

“…I won’t stop you from saying it this time…but only if you want to after all of that,” Eddie murmured. Richie blinked and then cupped the side of his face.

“I love you…I love you so much, Eddie,” Richie whispered. Eddie felt himself stress out again, but instead of freaking out he merely closed his eyes as a tear rolled down.

“I…I feel the same about you,” he sniffled. “I’ll be able to say it eventually, I just…I’m scared the second I say it and get comfortable with it like this, everything will start falling apart,” he sighed.

“You take your time, baby. I just want you to know,” Richie said.

“The stupidest part is that I can fully say it around Beverly and by myself, but telling it to you is just…it’s hard. But I do, Richie. I really do,” Eddie promised. Richie’s brow furrowed and he leaned down to give him a kiss on the lips.

“No matter how hard it is, Eds…I’m gonna be here. You can’t get rid of me even if you tried,” he said. Eddie smiled at that and wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck.

“Clearly. C’mon, let’s sleep a little bit,” Eddie urged. 

He gently led Richie to bed, and they crawled in together. Eddie pulled off his hoodie before curling into Richie’s embrace, and finally felt some relief as Richie pulled the covers over them. He felt kisses against the top of his head, and he eventually moved to give Richie chaste kisses on the lips in return. Of course he accepted them, and then Eddie cradled Richie’s head against his chest. Richie eagerly wrapped his arms tight around Eddie’s waist. His forehead fitting nicely under Eddie’s chin as the rest of their bodies intertwined just as effortlessly. 

It occurred to Eddie in that moment that loving Richie really was easy, but being in love and telling him that was the hard part. It was easy for Eddie to comfort him, and it was second nature to be concerned about him. All of it came so easily, and he knew in his heart that nothing would change that. He trusted Richie too, and his fears all felt incredibly irrational after everything that happened. Despite how irrational they are, he knew they couldn’t be fixed over night. So he kissed the top of Richie’s head instead and nurtured the side of his face with gentle strokes of his thumb. 

They both fell asleep ridiculously easy once they got settled, and Eddie loved the sensation of slowly drifting off in the arms of his lover. That was probably his favorite part of having a partner. He used to be so lonely at night, and now he felt like he found a missing piece he so desperately craved. They still weren’t dependent on each other like his mother was, but the convenience of having a lover definitely made Eddie grateful to have one. He buried his nose into Richie’s soft curls before drifting off and continued his gentle caressing as he murmured what he so desperately wanted to shout.

“I love you, Richie…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is a little bit short and kind of an epilogue. It’s meant to wrap up to story nicely. Thank you guys for all the lovely comments and kudos <3


	20. In which Eddie gets his closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is short but it’s the end!

The next day they decided to hold a mini funeral-memorial for Eddie’s mom. Beverly and Stan suggested it, and Eddie agreed it would probably help him move on since he skipped her actual funeral and memorial service. It wasn’t to mourn or to miss or to celebrate. It was purely just to acknowledge the fact that Eddie’s mother had passed away, and to give Eddie permission to move on. When she first passed he hated the idea of dedicating even an ounce of his time towards her memory, but as time passed he realized he spent so much more time crying about her dead then he did alive. None of them bothered to dress up super fancy, and they didn’t put in much effort outside of gathering in Eddie’s dorm room and sitting with him as Stan read off her obituary and said a few words.

“…I’m not going to lie, Eds. I hated that woman more than anything. It’s easy for me to never think of her again because she didn’t raise me and she didn’t manipulate me into thinking I constantly needed her. I won’t say I’m glad she’s dead, but I’ll definitely think it. I think you’re much better off with out her,” Stanley concluded as he turned off his phone he was reading from and put it in his pocket. Bill nodded in agreement.

“I didn’t know how bad she was when we were younger. She just seemed a little uptight, but as we grew up I could see just how suffocating she was. Especially after you came out. I’m really sorry, Eddie,” Bill added. Eddie sniffled.

“She was nice sometimes…that doesn’t make up for all the shit she did, but…I miss the good times every once in a while. I think that’s what makes it so hard to let go. Because there were actually some times that I felt like I was actually loved…then she took it away,” he said.

“No one is pure evil, Eds. That doesn’t make them worth holding onto. My dad was terrible, but he would sometimes make me feel safe if a boy tried to follow me home. He protected me in those moments, and a part of me will always wonder what my life would be like if he could’ve just always been like that,” Beverly said. Eddie nodded and leaned his head on her shoulder. Richie was on his other side rubbing his back.

“It just sucks that I never really had a mom and a dad…I feel like because of that I’m messed up. I wish I could’ve had normal parents. I wish I could’ve been normal enough for her to love me,” he confessed.

“Don’t say that,” Richie cooed and kissed his shoulder.

“You _are_ normal, Eddie. You coming out was perfectly fine. She was the one in the wrong,” Bill insisted. Eddie sniffled and turned his head to look up at his friend and then at Richie. His lover wiped away his tears and kissed his forehead.

“The comforting thing is that she can’t hurt you anymore,” Stan said. Eddie nodded in agreement.

“Yeah…”

“And hey, at least you don’t have to worry about student loans. At least she never took you out of her will. Even if it was out of laziness that means she didn’t think it was worth cutting you off over her stupid little tantrum,” Bev pointed out.

“Yeah…that is nice. I’m not going to lie,” Eddie agreed. They all laughed together, and Eddie leaned his head on Richie next.

“I hope whoever bought that house actually fixes it up. It would actually look nice if the owner put some effort into it,” Stan said. Eddie nodded.

“That’s what I told George. I think he said a newly wed couple bought it,” he told them.

“That’s good,” Bill murmured. Eddie nodded and then sighed.

“I’m really so grateful for all of you…all of you mean so much more to me then she ever did, and I couldn’t ask for a better chosen family. Thank you guys…so much,” Eddie said. Beverly nodded and smiled as she hugged him tightly. Richie hugged him too, and Stan and Bill crawled onto the bed to join in. It made Eddie laugh and smile, and his eyes felt a little less leaky as they eventually all let him go.

“We should go out to eat for lunch. We can celebrate Eddie’s lack of student debt,” Richie said. Eddie giggled and nodded as he fell back against his boyfriends chest.

“Good idea!” Bill agreed and got up.

“Should we invite Mike and Ben for that?” Bev asked. They didn’t really invite them for the obituary since neither of them really knew Eddie’s mom. He nodded.

“Yes please! I’d love to see them again,” Eddie smiled. Richie rubbed his arm and kissed the top of his head before getting them out of bed.

“To the diner!”

They all met up in the lounge and walked to the diner they usually went to. Eddie received a lovely hug from Ben and a much needed hearty pat on the back from Mike. Richie held his hand the entire walk, and they sat next to each other as they were settling into their tables. He ordered pancakes, of course, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile as he remembered the time he did the same thing back in Maine. It was nice to have a happy memory of his home town, and he let it sit there in his mind as Richie dumped syrup on his food. His own food was placed in front of him and he finally looked away to start eating it. Bill started talking to Richie about their show they were putting on for the winter, and Eddie was happy to see everything resolved and calm between them. He then felt Stan squeeze his shoulder, and looked over to smile at his childhood best friend. Stan was already smiling at him and patted his back as well.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, Eddie,” he said. Eddie nodded.

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say thank you everyone for following along and giving this story so much love. I’m so glad I was able to give you guys some comfort with this story, and express some of my own feelings I had to get off my chest. <3
> 
> If you’re interested in reading more of my work, I’m currently writing and updating a fake dating AU! There’s six chapters already up, so go ahead and give it a read to see if you like it. Thank you!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna chat find me on insta! @gay_an_feral


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